Respect

I recently told a friend that he was no longer worthy of my respect. While this statement seems harsh, it is true. However, the point here is if the same standard that a friend was judged by were to be turned on me, would I pass or fail? What makes someone worthy of respect? Morals? Strength of Character? Their Word? Trustworthiness? Kindness? Gentleness? Self-Control... (yes, many of these are Fruits of the Spirit). If I were to test myself, I would fail as well. That realization is difficult to swallow, but necessary. Like a giant pill the doctors give. If you don't suck it up and swallow it you will never improve. The same goes for myself, If I don't take a hard look at my behavior and swallow the truth, I will never improve and become who I say I am (or who I really want to be). The temperament I possess is not glorifying, but rather demeaning to others, harsh and unkind most of the time. While the sweet side is there, it has been suppressed. Spiritually, I have been far from the Lord lately, and the distinct possibility that the two things are linked is becoming obvious. Praying for closeness and a change of heart...

18 months later...

18 Months has passed since my last post, which means that most likely anyone who read this before, no longer does. Therefore, my musing are safer than originally thought. Much has changed: seasons of life, locations, music, friends, love.

Seasons of Life: After teaching 2 years at Spalding, I have come to love it there. The students bring on incredible stress but the reward and encouragement from being around them is immeasurable. I can't even imagine having a job in which I am not surrounded by tons of high schoolers who have such drama in their lives; honestly, it makes my drama seem minuscule compared to the emotion and intensity in which they feel their drama. So, I am returning for a third year. Who would have ever though?!?!? GO CAVS!

Location: Ashley and I lived in an amazing, although quirky (to say the least) apartment downtown Annapolis last year. It was wonderful to be able to walk everywhere and the sites around Annapolis that I had not discovered (in 20+ years of living there) blew me away. The park behind Duke of Gloucester Street brought refuge, beauty and a great place for Saturday afternoon guitar playing. Currently, I am back in Charleston for the summer (the apartment that always calms my heart) and looking for somewhere else to live in Annapolis.

Music: I have taken up guitar. Since November I have been struggling to learn chords and strumming pattens. Poor Ashley and John (the neighbor below our apartment) who had to listen to those hours of terrible sounds that cant even be qualified as music. However, as time has progressed, so has my skills. I can now deftly maneuver through many chords. While plucking is still a mere dream, most common songs (without certain sharps and flats) can easily be sight read! Oh the progress that persistence brings.

Friends - Marriage, babies, friends... What has not happened in the past 18 months. Brittany and Marc got married, Mary got married and Jennifer Beaton as well. Wow, Jennifer Hunt-Taylor. Married in Glasgow Scotland. The wedding that simultaneously blew you away with the depth of love, beauty and beginning of a new life and made you cry for the fact that such an amazing friend will not be living across the Atlantic ocean. However, God is good and provides SKYPE so that Saturday Phone Dates can continue as they have for the past 6 years. God also allowed Catherine and I the great fortune to be able to attend the wedding. How blessed we both were from that entire week! Friends - Many new friends have been made, Annapolis is growing on me once again as I am finding a church home and becoming involved with the adults there. Yet another blessing from the Lord!!!

Love - Hmm that is the tricky topic isn't it? 18 months ago I was still getting over the heartbreak of loosing your first real love. Time really does change doesn't it? He and I saw each other one afternoon in June only to discover how much we had changed and how we no longer felt those intense feelings for one another anymore. Actually, it was me who still had twinges of nostalgia and love for him. However, there have been many potential men since then and yes, at this stage in life, the family continually reminds me that they were married by my age and having children... and the favorite "we are all praying hard for you to find a husband." Never sure how to react to that one: 1) Rejoice at having a family that cares so deeply that they pray to the Almighty Lord for a husband for me or 2) Oh gesh, they think I am behind the ball and need to be married! In a husband, I truly yearn for someone who wants to know the Lord and to lead our family toward Christ. Someone who spurs me on toward a deeper faith and who I can spur on as well! Currently, I have found a great man: caring, sweet, funny, nerdy in the same ways as me, yet outgoing as well. It is crazy, we have known each other for barely 2 weeks and yet I have never been more comfortable around someone in my entire life. Does he have that same desire for someone who loves the Lord with all their heart and soul and mind and strength? Then I take a look at my life, do I have that desire? Where is the flame? Have I hid it away? Lord, let that fire burn bright for you so that it is noticeable!