Confusion

So, everything is cool right? Slowly but surely getting on track, to where you want to be. Why do we all analyze everything to death? You get what you want, and then for who knows what reason, it goes awry. Hmm, wonderful times! Oh gesh!

What do you want...

First off... Is it possible to love CAPRI SUN too much? BC I think not! YUM!

Also, let's say that you know what you want but are too scared to reach out and grab it. It's obviously there but no one does anything. What do you do then? Just let it pass and fade away, or find that spot of courage and dive in, no matter what happens? This is my dilemma. Suggestions? Feel free to reply or IM me. They would be greatly appreciated. They say that great things only come because of great risk. Is this true? So, are those of us who are terrified of destroying something good in hopes of something better doomed to never get that something great? To let things be, or to take that chance... hmm difficult things to ponder huh? Ok, well its way past bed time. Night world

KatTricky: hesitation, caution, fear... those things prevent people from achieving greatness, trial and error... success is only found through failure... Maybe you are right Katie

Long Lost Journal

Hello, So I seem to have forgotten the blog lately. Poor Karen has been evacuated from her house for quite some time and therefore living in the SJ in my living room. So honestly the time normally devoted to filling you all in has been spent hanging out and having weird conversations w/her that force us to call boys to get honest answers. Life has been so busy lately. Work fri, a double sat, sunday, and tonight! So there has been no time for anything. But thats ok. Karen is leaving for Joe's wedding on Thursday, aww, people my age getting married. whoa.

Also, I ran into Patrice today. I havent really talked to her since I was a highschool senior and she the new freshman. Yet once again, we are in those roles! She apparently isnt loving COFC, so hopefully I can help her find her way here, or direct her to those who can at least until she decides whether to stay to transfer.

Also, why are boys confusing? If you have any answer for that, feel free to share it. Actually, not even just boys, but people. If they want something why cant they be direct? In all situations this is applicable. There was a survery done in my Hebrew class that says Americans try to be polite with their evasiveness (is not telling people they're wrong or not simply coming out and asking for something) but in reality, it just causes confusion. Ok thats all. thanks

More Chase Convo Fun

naptowner84: the girls on MY SUPER SWEET 16 have unnaturally large boobs for 16 year olds
naptowner84: i mean really
LandscaperTr: hahahahah
LandscaperTr: :-)
LandscaperTr: yeah I was at MD today getting books
LandscaperTr: I was like DAG ON!!
naptowner84: i saw the message
LandscaperTr: yeah girls are getting booby too young these days
LandscaperTr: I mean girls should get boobs at age 21
LandscaperTr: I mean HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY BOOP THERE THEY ARE
naptowner84: yeah they are totally getting boob jobs
LandscaperTr: I mean seriously
LandscaperTr: when I was 16 I dont remember the girls having double d;s or whatever they are
naptowner84: heck no.
naptowner84: most of my friends def didnt
LandscaperTr: I am learning more abt boobs tonight I swear :-)
LandscaperTr: thank you Christy for boob education
naptowner84: hahaha
LandscaperTr: i think that deserves some blog space too

Fun Convo With Chase!

LandscaperTr: I had the weirdest dream abt us last night
LandscaperTr: haha
naptowner84: yeah?
naptowner84: hahaha
naptowner84: that just might be a profile quote. haha
LandscaperTr: :-)
naptowner84: haha
LandscaperTr: I dont remember all the specifics I just remember you told me you had a huge crush on me and then the rest of it was you pursuing me. I think we both might have been a bit tipsy
LandscaperTr: :-)
LandscaperTr: It was a good dream though just weird
naptowner84: hahahaha that is an awesome dream
naptowner84: must be your way of saying you wish you had pursued me! haha
LandscaperTr: :-P
LandscaperTr: trust me you would have approved of this dream
LandscaperTr: I woke up and staired at the ceiling for like 10 mins
LandscaperTr: CRAZY

Good times Chase, I like that dream! haha You sure do keep things interesting!

Reality

Well... Being back at classes is good. Don't actually enjoy living so far from everyone and everything. I feel incredibly disconnected. Whatever. Augie said the greatest thing that perfectly describes everything right now: "that damned reality." It's like everything has gotten itself off track and I have absolutely no clue how to get it back. I want to be with my friends, but I can't connect. I want to just laugh and have fun, but its hard. And that is a very bad sign. I dont feel depressed, but whatever. It's like I feel shafted by life recently. Ever felt life-shafted? Its a sureal feeling. There's many things about Charleston life that I would change. Mainly, I bet that my old roommate Kelli is really fun outside of our living situation. I would go back to that time over Christmas when we actually got along, well! But she got it right in her away message:

"When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad. When you are scared, I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried, I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining. When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. And when you are lost, I will answer my cell phone and give you directions. When you are sick, I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath...I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because ya'll are my Best friends"... though this is not completely accurate, It is funny, and is how I think a lot of the time.

Maybe the problem is that I'm changing. Or changing from them. They say you wont be friends with all your college friends when you leave... and as far as I can count, I count 1 who will go the distance. One who will be there sitting and having a glass of wine when we are 50 talking about how our kids have left the houses! The first friend I met here! I love you! Ok enough rambling. Time to spend my time on something else

Realization

Hello... so for as long as I've known Karen she has been trying to tell me that life without clothes is much better than life with clothes. Well, Finally... after much experiementation... I believe that she is correct!

jetskiing fun!

So, I am back in Charleston and it's been sooooooo interesting. First, I got in late, and Karen got lost getting to the Airport and some random guy needed a ride home downtown, so we gave him one! weird! Then I saw karen's room which is all hers!!!!!!! Then Wednesday, Karen and I went to the beach! Yeah for Folly!!! Thursday, I was downstairs doing laundry and came back to find Nan had welcomed herself into my apartment. Then we hung out and went to Kickin' Chicken with Leigh-Ann, got Napolean Dynamite and chilled. Nan and I had a sleep over it was fun! Then today, Karen, LA, Nan and I went to Folly. Karen and I decided to Jetski. It was sooo much fun! Well, until we switched drivers the 2nd time. After a few min, I flew off, and so did she. I lost my fun glasses from NYC (at least they werent my oakleys but I did love them!) and hit incredible hard. Karen was yelling "are you ok?" and I said "I cant move." My ribs popped and it hurt to breathe. When we got in, LA and Karen were like "you should go to the ER" so after lots of prodding I went. It turns out that nothing is broken, but that I have a badly bruised lung. Which makes it impossible to get up from a lying down position! Lucky me. I came here early in order to help w/Dorm Move-In but I'm thinking thats not gonna happen now! But it's ok! And I'm not sorry we went jetskiing, its so much fun! Just karen, you get to sit in the back from now on! Hahaha. So thats been my fun and exciting time since being back! Hopefully things will calm down and get into a rythm for classes.... which start Tuesday. How weird it is to be a college senior! WHOA!

NEW YORK!

So, this was an amazingly fun week. Tuesday afternoon Aaron arrived in the Naptown. We went and chilled downtown and got lunch. Then Wednesday, we woke up early and drove to NYC! You all should of seen him trying to drive down 6th Ave. It was terrifying, but he did a great job. CONGRATS AARON! We went everywhere. Started off going to Central Park, and FAO Schwartz then we moved onto the Empire State Building. It actually have a wonderful view of the city. Oh and I got sunglasses from a street vender and we also got a hotdog and pretzel. After the Empire State Building, I actually flagged a taxi! We went to Ground Zero, and its really just a hole now but I have this amazing picture of where they put the rubble into a cross. After that we walked through China Town and ended up in South Battery which is right near the Brooklyn Bridge apparently. Aaron bartered with a kiosk guy for a cool blue phone cover. We had dinner in this lil diner place I guess and then braved the metro into Times Square. It was really fun to ride even though it was so crowded I basically had to hang onto Aaron not to get lost in the crowd. Times Square is so bright and shiny that its hard not to just keep your head up at all times. Lots of stores. We must have spent an hour in the music store. We got back to the car and drove back. Aaron, you did much better leaving the city. Less of the NC driving and more NYC driving skills! I was thoroughly impressed. Other than that we basically hung out and watched movies in my basement til friday when he went back to Rocky Mount and mom and I went back to NYC. Only we stayed in SOHO and shopped! I will try to get a pic of my amazing new green sneaks online! We ate in a small french restuarant and it was yummy. Went into PRADA and got taken back into the special room! It was so cool! The last night, we went to the rooftop bar on our hotel (rooftop bars are the greatest thing ever created) and we could see the whole city. I got this amazing drink, but it had mint in it and by the bottom of my drink I couldnt get a sip without a mouthful of mint. Well, this is prolly a long enough entry! Cya soon

I'll be seeing you

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces all day through

In that small café, the park across the way

The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the mornin' sun

And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

I'll find you in the mornin' sun

And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

~Bing Crosby

Made My Day

Ok, so a few things made today great.

1. had another lunch w/Gumpy
2. Laura finally got back to me
3. I get to see Laura tonight!!!!
4. Finally straightening things out w/Leigh-Ann
5. Heard from Lindsay.
6. Nan's life is crazy. but boy is it fun to hear about!

Funeral Speech

So, as many of you know, my Nana passed away just over 2 weeks ago. I had to speak at the funeral and wanted to convey how much she meant to me, and how much I love and will miss her. While she was in that small room, the song Homesick by Mercy Me came on and I just spoke the words to her, and they seemed so fitting that I used them in my speech. They show how I will miss her, and long to be able to just be with her, but also how glad I am for her to be with her Savior now and though I trust Him, I dont fully understand His way:

Mercy Me - Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you!

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

In Christ, there are no goodbyes and in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Mercy Me - Here With Me

I long for your embrace every single day

To meet you in this place and see you face to face

Will you show me? Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me

CHORUS

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go I am not alone

You call me as your own to know you and be known

You are holy and I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me

CHORUS

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me

Last two Posts...

Hey, those last two hymns have really been pulling me through. Especially the last 2 chorus' of "On Jordan's Banks" Nana is going to the Promised Land... where "sickness and sorrow, pain and death, are felt and feared no more." She will love that! and I will Love knowing that is where she will be within a matter of days. Then, within a blink of an eye, we will be together again!

On Jordan's stormy banks I stand, and cast a wishful eye

to Canaan's fair and happy land, where my possessions lie.

Chorus: I am bound for the promised land, I am bound for the promised land;

oh, who will come and go with me? I am bound for the promised land.

O'er all those wide extended plains shines one eternal day;

there God the Son forever reigns, and scatters night away.

No chilling winds or poisonous breath can reach that healthful shore;

sickness and sorrow, pain and death, are felt and feared no more.

When I shall reach that happy place, I'll be forever blest,

for I shall see my Father's face, and in his bosom rest.

O COME AND MOURN WITH ME AWHILE
O come and mourn with me awhile,

O come ye to the Savior’s side

O come, together let us mourn,

Jesus our Lord is crucified.

Seven times He spake seven words of love;

And all three hours His silence cried

For mercy on the souls of men;

Jesus our Lord is crucified.

Chorus: O love of God! O sin of man!

In this dread act Your strength is tried;

And victory remains with love;

Jesus our Lord is crucified!

O break, O break, hard heart of mine!

Thy weak self-love and guilty pride

His Pilate and His Judas were:

Jesus our Lord is crucified.

A broken heart, a fount of tears,

Ask, and they will not be denied;

A broken heart love’s cradle is:

Jesus our Lord is crucified.(Repeat chorus)

And victory remains with love; Jesus our Lord is crucified!

Status update

I wrote this huge update about my Nana and the comp deleted it, arg, so call if you want an update. Otherwise, please keep my family in prayer!

*When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her head. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks starely at you, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "im fine", she is not fine. When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a girl calls you everyday she wants your attention. When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be loved and pampered by you. When a girl says "i love you" she means it and when a girl says she misses you, no one in this world can miss you more than she does.*

Every girl should eventually get three things fromher boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of hissweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it'snot a serious relationship.

"There are no mistakes.

The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant,

are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn;

whatever steps we take,

they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

- R. Bach

I really hope this is true. Honestly, I do believe its true. Nothing is a mistake, God has everything planned for us from before our Birth. What a thought!

Broken

People, you put time into friendships, invest it all and have it backfire. I would think it was all my fault if they hadn't done basically the same thing to others. Slowly start to pull away, then blame it all on the other person. Be frustrated by others happiness and if something happens that bothers you... you cant accept an apology and move on. As much as it hurts me to go on, move past you, I will. I trusted you with everything, let you come to my home, into my world and you ended up throwing it all back. Thanks. I'm not an ass, though I can have moments like that, it's not me, and you of all people I thought knew that. I really miss Karen! Feel lost. You don't even care to wonder why I hate the world right now, just used it as an excuse to end our friendship. You don't even care. You were mad at everything, and I tried to be there. Sorry if it wasn't enough. You called me crazy tonight, and I have heard that from a lot of people when we are all kidding around, but knowing me as you do, you couldn't have pierced me anymore than you did tonight. Maybe that was the point, to make me feel as bad as you possibly can. So, congratulations, you succeeded. But, you DON'T get to win. No one wins here! We have all lost.