Thursday February 26, 2004
The song LESS IS MORE by Relient K is so amazing. It's like everything I want to tell to the Lord but cant put into words. So here it is, hope it touches you like it does me:
Jesus, I pray Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake
Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before 'Cause less is more
CHORUS:
All that I have I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
A part of myself All that I am
You love me so much That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this
Jesus, I pray Know what I'm trying to say
CHORUS
I pour out myself, before you O Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this
Jesus, I pray Just know what I'm tryin' to say
Jesus, I plead Please purify me
Make my heart clean Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before 'Cause less is more.
26 February 2004
25 February 2004
Wednesday February 25, 2004
TOP 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY ROOMMATE: (I'll try to keep it as short as possible)
1. She might actually be stupid, as in lacking common sense.
2. Doesn't know how to clean at all.
3. Watches TV 24/7, I mean gesh a whip, get off your butt occasionally.
4. When the TP roll has 1 square left, PUT A NEW ROLL ON.
5. As much as you think I like it, cleaning your poop off the toilet seat is not my favorite activity.
6. Is the only color in the world pink?
7. When did it become cool to slam every door when I walk into/out of a room?
8. Do you have to scratch all my pots and pans, then leave them dirty for me?
9. Toe nail clippings all over the living room floor... Need I say more?
10. Apparently I'm intolerant BC I don't want to hear sex going on next door!
A BONUS ONE: Love how she totally ignores me all the time. It's like I don't even exist, then of course, that's all my fault too! Oh how I love living with Kelli!!!
Well, that was me venting. This post should probably be erased soon, but I hate to write it for my own sanity!! Whoa, this is the most mean post ever. Not quite my normal self. But sometimes you reach a boiling pt, and I'm way over it!
TOP 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY ROOMMATE: (I'll try to keep it as short as possible)
1. She might actually be stupid, as in lacking common sense.
2. Doesn't know how to clean at all.
3. Watches TV 24/7, I mean gesh a whip, get off your butt occasionally.
4. When the TP roll has 1 square left, PUT A NEW ROLL ON.
5. As much as you think I like it, cleaning your poop off the toilet seat is not my favorite activity.
6. Is the only color in the world pink?
7. When did it become cool to slam every door when I walk into/out of a room?
8. Do you have to scratch all my pots and pans, then leave them dirty for me?
9. Toe nail clippings all over the living room floor... Need I say more?
10. Apparently I'm intolerant BC I don't want to hear sex going on next door!
A BONUS ONE: Love how she totally ignores me all the time. It's like I don't even exist, then of course, that's all my fault too! Oh how I love living with Kelli!!!
Well, that was me venting. This post should probably be erased soon, but I hate to write it for my own sanity!! Whoa, this is the most mean post ever. Not quite my normal self. But sometimes you reach a boiling pt, and I'm way over it!
21 February 2004
Saturday February 21, 2004
I started work this week. East Bay Coffee House. Its really nice, like a high-end shop. Not too busy, not too slow. And its nice to have a job, something besides school that I'm expected to do!!
Heather had a new baby girl on Wednesday at 2:00pm. Jerusha Cathleen Jonsson, but she's being called Shae. I visited them at the hospital yesterday and they let me hold her. She's so tiny and precious, just under 5.5 lbs. She was sleeping and had lil long dark eyelashes and you could see the wisps of dark hair under her lil cap. A dark haired girl and a blonde haired blue eye Boy. Yeah, they think Jonas has pink eye. Joy, who spent all day with him Thursday? haha
So I've been thinking, yeah yeah not a good thing to do, but it happened just the same. People are so strange. You follow the law and are called "narrow minded" Sometimes I think I don't understand. Maybe it makes them feel guilty for their wrong actions. And breaking the law is wrong, just because everyone does it, doesn't make it right. Hebrews 10:32-33 is a great comfort in this matter. "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insults and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated."
Does anyone know why immaturity runs so rampant? Is it really that hard to simple take responsibility for yourself and your actions? Maybe I was just brought up to think that my actions were a result of myself and not others. This quote was pretty awesome "Immature people become angry at other people. Mature people become angry at wrong words, wrong deeds, and wrong thoughts." Just a little something to ponder, bc its true. Instead of seeing the wrong in yourself you have to point to others. Its just like "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye."
Luke 6:41-42 Man the Bible really does relate to every situation we go through. How amazing is that?
I started work this week. East Bay Coffee House. Its really nice, like a high-end shop. Not too busy, not too slow. And its nice to have a job, something besides school that I'm expected to do!!
Heather had a new baby girl on Wednesday at 2:00pm. Jerusha Cathleen Jonsson, but she's being called Shae. I visited them at the hospital yesterday and they let me hold her. She's so tiny and precious, just under 5.5 lbs. She was sleeping and had lil long dark eyelashes and you could see the wisps of dark hair under her lil cap. A dark haired girl and a blonde haired blue eye Boy. Yeah, they think Jonas has pink eye. Joy, who spent all day with him Thursday? haha
So I've been thinking, yeah yeah not a good thing to do, but it happened just the same. People are so strange. You follow the law and are called "narrow minded" Sometimes I think I don't understand. Maybe it makes them feel guilty for their wrong actions. And breaking the law is wrong, just because everyone does it, doesn't make it right. Hebrews 10:32-33 is a great comfort in this matter. "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insults and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated."
Does anyone know why immaturity runs so rampant? Is it really that hard to simple take responsibility for yourself and your actions? Maybe I was just brought up to think that my actions were a result of myself and not others. This quote was pretty awesome "Immature people become angry at other people. Mature people become angry at wrong words, wrong deeds, and wrong thoughts." Just a little something to ponder, bc its true. Instead of seeing the wrong in yourself you have to point to others. Its just like "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye."
Luke 6:41-42 Man the Bible really does relate to every situation we go through. How amazing is that?
16 February 2004
Monday, February 16, 2004
This was such a great weekend. Thursday night my momma came! Friday we shopped and then went to California dreaming w/Karen. Saturday was valentines day... And what did we do? haha, we did nothing even remotely valentines day-ish. We shopped more, BC we're good at that. Then that night, we went to Burger King and saw Calendar Girls... Such a funny movie. "We aren't naked, we're nude. Nude is art, while naked is trashy" oh I was laughing so hard. Sunday was church and seeing Heather, Ben and Jonas. Her baby is coming Wednesday, yeah yeah yeah! I get to hang out w/yet another lil Jonsson! Then we went to California dreaming again and I went to play bball. Oh course on the only game she gets to see of me this year, I sprain my ankle. But its ok. I'm just glad she could be here. I love when she comes to visit. I think I don't realize how much I miss her until I see her again! Well, more to come tomorrow or soonish...
This was such a great weekend. Thursday night my momma came! Friday we shopped and then went to California dreaming w/Karen. Saturday was valentines day... And what did we do? haha, we did nothing even remotely valentines day-ish. We shopped more, BC we're good at that. Then that night, we went to Burger King and saw Calendar Girls... Such a funny movie. "We aren't naked, we're nude. Nude is art, while naked is trashy" oh I was laughing so hard. Sunday was church and seeing Heather, Ben and Jonas. Her baby is coming Wednesday, yeah yeah yeah! I get to hang out w/yet another lil Jonsson! Then we went to California dreaming again and I went to play bball. Oh course on the only game she gets to see of me this year, I sprain my ankle. But its ok. I'm just glad she could be here. I love when she comes to visit. I think I don't realize how much I miss her until I see her again! Well, more to come tomorrow or soonish...
Monday, February 16, 2004
So Yet again, kristin has written a poem that I must share: Hope you enjoy...
The tears they fall on their own
Each one representing the ways I have grown
Rinsing away the old actions, emotions, thoughts,
Why were these tears even brought?
Why must growth be represented in such a painful way?
Why do we learn how not to be by being?
Why learn by doing, when we can learn by seeing?
By not doing we learn.
Or is it, by not doing we yearn?
Yearn to do.
Why do we yearn to do then learn to not?
Memories of one or the other are evoked
Either way with tears we are choked
What an odd way to live,
To hurt to do things we desire
But also to hurt over fulfilling those desires, to hurt over those experiences we acquire
To have gained the knowledge we have gained
To experience the pain we have pained…
But life would be nothing without those refreshingly cleansing tears
And those fabulous growth spurting fears
If we didn’t cry, we’d have nothing to cry about
Our hearts wouldn’t be so strong or stout
Nothing would provoke emotion if we had none.
There would be no sadness
But that means no bright happiness or gladness
We need these tears and fears, the tough learning, the aching yearning
That’s what gives us life, this insatiable desire to experience filled burning
We need the bad to have the good, we need the dark to know there is light
We need the wrong to make things right.
Well, I'll write something of my own later, but ponder that, bc its amazing!
So Yet again, kristin has written a poem that I must share: Hope you enjoy...
The tears they fall on their own
Each one representing the ways I have grown
Rinsing away the old actions, emotions, thoughts,
Why were these tears even brought?
Why must growth be represented in such a painful way?
Why do we learn how not to be by being?
Why learn by doing, when we can learn by seeing?
By not doing we learn.
Or is it, by not doing we yearn?
Yearn to do.
Why do we yearn to do then learn to not?
Memories of one or the other are evoked
Either way with tears we are choked
What an odd way to live,
To hurt to do things we desire
But also to hurt over fulfilling those desires, to hurt over those experiences we acquire
To have gained the knowledge we have gained
To experience the pain we have pained…
But life would be nothing without those refreshingly cleansing tears
And those fabulous growth spurting fears
If we didn’t cry, we’d have nothing to cry about
Our hearts wouldn’t be so strong or stout
Nothing would provoke emotion if we had none.
There would be no sadness
But that means no bright happiness or gladness
We need these tears and fears, the tough learning, the aching yearning
That’s what gives us life, this insatiable desire to experience filled burning
We need the bad to have the good, we need the dark to know there is light
We need the wrong to make things right.
Well, I'll write something of my own later, but ponder that, bc its amazing!
13 February 2004
Friday 13 February 2004
I'm supposed to put in something short, to the point, and introspective. So demanding! I guess really what I want to say is that "Summer of 69" is a fantastic song! Maybe not introspective, but with someone on helium talking in the background makes it a little hard. So if you ever want a good time, buy Christy a helium balloon and have her sing something from Wizard of Oz (aka, the lollipop song). Other thoughts? The Lollipop Guild can't be half bad if Christy's a representative. YEAH, BABY. Also, if you're in Maryland and reading this, lucky you because Karen's coming for spring break. Also, they anchor helium balloons with cement rocks. Little weird. Maybe more later, bye.
I'm supposed to put in something short, to the point, and introspective. So demanding! I guess really what I want to say is that "Summer of 69" is a fantastic song! Maybe not introspective, but with someone on helium talking in the background makes it a little hard. So if you ever want a good time, buy Christy a helium balloon and have her sing something from Wizard of Oz (aka, the lollipop song). Other thoughts? The Lollipop Guild can't be half bad if Christy's a representative. YEAH, BABY. Also, if you're in Maryland and reading this, lucky you because Karen's coming for spring break. Also, they anchor helium balloons with cement rocks. Little weird. Maybe more later, bye.
09 February 2004
Monday February 9, 2004
I was reading Nan's zanga page earlier today and she had this thing written about what she wanted people to say about her if she died; her reply was awe inspiring and made me want to delve into the Word more. Well, when I do finally pass from this life I want people to say "Christy was a woman who sought the Lord. She strove to learn and share the love of Christ. Through humor and quiet compassion, pointed people towards the cross." that's it, simple and to the point. But, would everyone I know say that? Because that's how it should be. Whether they are Christians or not, they should say the exact same thing about my life.
Tonight's BCM message really stirred that feeling in me. In Acts 4:23-31, Peter and John had their life threatened. If that happened to me, I'd be running and retreating away. Yet, those men prayed scripture and asked the Lord to allow them to continue speaking the Truth with Boldness. While sitting there I wrote that: "I want to be a bold woman proclaiming Jesus to the Lost world around me, not just today but my while life." We have so many opportunities to proclaim Jesus on our campus' and with friends but, I for one, am terrified to do this. Jesus, please give me the courage to spread your truth throughout this world, one step at a time.
I was reading Nan's zanga page earlier today and she had this thing written about what she wanted people to say about her if she died; her reply was awe inspiring and made me want to delve into the Word more. Well, when I do finally pass from this life I want people to say "Christy was a woman who sought the Lord. She strove to learn and share the love of Christ. Through humor and quiet compassion, pointed people towards the cross." that's it, simple and to the point. But, would everyone I know say that? Because that's how it should be. Whether they are Christians or not, they should say the exact same thing about my life.
Tonight's BCM message really stirred that feeling in me. In Acts 4:23-31, Peter and John had their life threatened. If that happened to me, I'd be running and retreating away. Yet, those men prayed scripture and asked the Lord to allow them to continue speaking the Truth with Boldness. While sitting there I wrote that: "I want to be a bold woman proclaiming Jesus to the Lost world around me, not just today but my while life." We have so many opportunities to proclaim Jesus on our campus' and with friends but, I for one, am terrified to do this. Jesus, please give me the courage to spread your truth throughout this world, one step at a time.
08 February 2004
Sunday February 8, 2004
This was such an amazing weekend! Friday, what did I do? Oh right, I went ballroom dancing and then to dinner with Brian. He's such a shy boy. But the shyness was kinda sweet. The waltz was so fun (1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3) ahhh. I'm actually gonna start taking dance lessons, YEAH! Then Saturday was supposed to be my "do nothing day" haha well it was anything BUT that. I went to best buy and got a walkman to jog with and the new Kenny Chesney CD (oh so good). Then I got back just in time to go tour the Aiken House with Ashley and Rachel. Yeah for Jeff getting us in for Free!!! Then I went and saw MIRACLE... Which is good but not as good as Big Fish with Bridgit. And then I arrived back in time to change and go to the PLEX with the BCM gang. Haha way to get out groove on! Today it was so hard to get up to go to church. But afterwards the Shores took Karen, her dad and I out to California Dreaming for my bday! So good. Then Karen and I studied at Starbucks and it was probably the best time we've had together since we've been back. Talking and laughing, but having an easy flow and not being all philosophical. Eavesdropping on other convos, laughing at the lady who's pants did NOT fit at all, and then discovering MARVIN THE PARANOID ANDROID! haha. Well, I just want to thank everyone who was a part of this amazing weekend that flew by like none-other! Ok well, til next time...
This was such an amazing weekend! Friday, what did I do? Oh right, I went ballroom dancing and then to dinner with Brian. He's such a shy boy. But the shyness was kinda sweet. The waltz was so fun (1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3) ahhh. I'm actually gonna start taking dance lessons, YEAH! Then Saturday was supposed to be my "do nothing day" haha well it was anything BUT that. I went to best buy and got a walkman to jog with and the new Kenny Chesney CD (oh so good). Then I got back just in time to go tour the Aiken House with Ashley and Rachel. Yeah for Jeff getting us in for Free!!! Then I went and saw MIRACLE... Which is good but not as good as Big Fish with Bridgit. And then I arrived back in time to change and go to the PLEX with the BCM gang. Haha way to get out groove on! Today it was so hard to get up to go to church. But afterwards the Shores took Karen, her dad and I out to California Dreaming for my bday! So good. Then Karen and I studied at Starbucks and it was probably the best time we've had together since we've been back. Talking and laughing, but having an easy flow and not being all philosophical. Eavesdropping on other convos, laughing at the lady who's pants did NOT fit at all, and then discovering MARVIN THE PARANOID ANDROID! haha. Well, I just want to thank everyone who was a part of this amazing weekend that flew by like none-other! Ok well, til next time...
04 February 2004
Wednesday February 4, 2004
The pensive mood has struck again. Life is getting much better here, yet I feel like I'm losing something too. I've become more outgoing in BCM, people who for some reason thought I was shy are seeing the real me. HAHA, for those who know me well, you know I'm not so much the shy kid I can appear to be! Playing bball, chillin with new people and going on that retreat have really helped incorporate me into the group and feel connected. It's like I run into BCM people everywhere... Yeah for taking over the campus!! However, I feel like I'm slowly losing the 1 valuable friendship I made here last semester. And not even really that I'm losing it, but that it's morphing into something different, something I cant quite interpret yet. For a while, we hung out constantly, and its like this semester, we don't need each other in the same way. I really hope that isnt the case...
A great Beatles song comes to mind:
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away. Oh, I believe in yesterday.
On a lighter note... Does anyone know what to wear to go ballroom dancing? Some have said "a skirt" and yeah, that's a big NO! :) Would anyone be abject to dress pants, platform shoes and a sleeveless button-down collared shirt?
Also, Nan went w/me to Kickin chicken tonight, bc apparently y'all think that it's a crime to have lived in Charleston for a semester and not have gone, well it was quite good. And... They played Beatles music the whole time, big plus!!!
Oh oh oh, my other big news: Mom is coming in like a week! So that should be way exciting.
The pensive mood has struck again. Life is getting much better here, yet I feel like I'm losing something too. I've become more outgoing in BCM, people who for some reason thought I was shy are seeing the real me. HAHA, for those who know me well, you know I'm not so much the shy kid I can appear to be! Playing bball, chillin with new people and going on that retreat have really helped incorporate me into the group and feel connected. It's like I run into BCM people everywhere... Yeah for taking over the campus!! However, I feel like I'm slowly losing the 1 valuable friendship I made here last semester. And not even really that I'm losing it, but that it's morphing into something different, something I cant quite interpret yet. For a while, we hung out constantly, and its like this semester, we don't need each other in the same way. I really hope that isnt the case...
A great Beatles song comes to mind:
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away. Oh, I believe in yesterday.
On a lighter note... Does anyone know what to wear to go ballroom dancing? Some have said "a skirt" and yeah, that's a big NO! :) Would anyone be abject to dress pants, platform shoes and a sleeveless button-down collared shirt?
Also, Nan went w/me to Kickin chicken tonight, bc apparently y'all think that it's a crime to have lived in Charleston for a semester and not have gone, well it was quite good. And... They played Beatles music the whole time, big plus!!!
Oh oh oh, my other big news: Mom is coming in like a week! So that should be way exciting.
03 February 2004
Tuesday February 3, 2004
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for an awesome bday! The cards and calls and such things were amazing!!! Right now, I'm sitting here listening to calming music, with all the lights off and 3 candles on... ahh. One of the candles being appraently from a french market! so pretty! And no, being 20 doesnt feel older, yet I feel like I've matured a lot this semester and last, so maybe I'm just older in general, but still young at heart! Played some bball tonight: 5 girls and 5 guys, haha it was so fun! Cant wait to play again. But anyways, this isnt what I wanted to write about.
This weekend was a great weekend. I debated for over a month whether or not to go on this retreat and finally decided to go. And though its probably sounds really bad, I'm kinda glad my best friend down here didnt go, bc it forced me to be outgoing and be the self that I remember being, and it was really nice for a weekend just to be loud and outgoing and stuff. Though, as you all know, I do love being pensive!!! But God was just so amazing. It's weird, its like the more I study, the more I want to study. God is just drawing my closer and its so powerful. The message all weekend was "going deep". Drawing the message of the cross into a more meaningful part of your life. I've been praying for brokenness lately, and apparently He's been answering that! Brokenness is a funny thing. I dont feel small or insignificant, but rather see how much I need Him for everything in life.
Also, if anyone thinks about it, can you pray for a few of my friends who are just starting to ask the tough-God questions. It would be the most awesome thing to seem them come to Christ!!! So keep these people in your prayers!
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for an awesome bday! The cards and calls and such things were amazing!!! Right now, I'm sitting here listening to calming music, with all the lights off and 3 candles on... ahh. One of the candles being appraently from a french market! so pretty! And no, being 20 doesnt feel older, yet I feel like I've matured a lot this semester and last, so maybe I'm just older in general, but still young at heart! Played some bball tonight: 5 girls and 5 guys, haha it was so fun! Cant wait to play again. But anyways, this isnt what I wanted to write about.
This weekend was a great weekend. I debated for over a month whether or not to go on this retreat and finally decided to go. And though its probably sounds really bad, I'm kinda glad my best friend down here didnt go, bc it forced me to be outgoing and be the self that I remember being, and it was really nice for a weekend just to be loud and outgoing and stuff. Though, as you all know, I do love being pensive!!! But God was just so amazing. It's weird, its like the more I study, the more I want to study. God is just drawing my closer and its so powerful. The message all weekend was "going deep". Drawing the message of the cross into a more meaningful part of your life. I've been praying for brokenness lately, and apparently He's been answering that! Brokenness is a funny thing. I dont feel small or insignificant, but rather see how much I need Him for everything in life.
Also, if anyone thinks about it, can you pray for a few of my friends who are just starting to ask the tough-God questions. It would be the most awesome thing to seem them come to Christ!!! So keep these people in your prayers!
28 January 2004
Wednesday January 28, 2004
Today has been a day of forgiveness all around. Forgiving old hurts and for seeing how God has healed and forgiven others. I got an IM from someone who I was pretty hurt by, and they said they were sorry for the past. I wish I could forgive him like God forgives me everyday, and I know I should. But it's like there is a part of me that just can't forgive completely. God says that He removes our sins as far as the East is from the West... Can I forgive that much? It's like I put my heart out there for this person, knowing each time I know what will happen... So maybe I just cant forgive completely because then I could be susceptible to it again? Or maybe I can forgive and just not forget! Does that still count? I hope so, bc I really want to not be angry, and I think I'm to the point of not being angry anymore, maybe still a little hurt, but hopefully something good can come out of it right?
And to you, my friend, no matter what you tell me, I will always love you. Nothing could change that! People have their issues and flaws, but we are bound together because we have that common foundation in the Lord. He sustains us, and will sustain us forever! I praise Him daily for allowing us to be friends for so long, and bringing us together again after everything.... being tight, then distant, then tight again. No matter what school we go to, we're still gonna be there for one another!! Can't wait for you to come down here!
Today has been a day of forgiveness all around. Forgiving old hurts and for seeing how God has healed and forgiven others. I got an IM from someone who I was pretty hurt by, and they said they were sorry for the past. I wish I could forgive him like God forgives me everyday, and I know I should. But it's like there is a part of me that just can't forgive completely. God says that He removes our sins as far as the East is from the West... Can I forgive that much? It's like I put my heart out there for this person, knowing each time I know what will happen... So maybe I just cant forgive completely because then I could be susceptible to it again? Or maybe I can forgive and just not forget! Does that still count? I hope so, bc I really want to not be angry, and I think I'm to the point of not being angry anymore, maybe still a little hurt, but hopefully something good can come out of it right?
And to you, my friend, no matter what you tell me, I will always love you. Nothing could change that! People have their issues and flaws, but we are bound together because we have that common foundation in the Lord. He sustains us, and will sustain us forever! I praise Him daily for allowing us to be friends for so long, and bringing us together again after everything.... being tight, then distant, then tight again. No matter what school we go to, we're still gonna be there for one another!! Can't wait for you to come down here!
27 January 2004
Tuesday January 27, 2004
Today, Today was a day when IT finally happened. It's been a long time in the running, and I'm not really sure how to live without it. It has been such a part of my life for almost 2 years!!! Now its gone, and I'm free from the burden of getting caught and the thrill of downloading music... yes that's right. Today, January 27 2004, I deleted KAZAA from my computer. Oh well, guess it's something that had to happen sooner or later, and at least now I'm not stealing music (maybe theres another way to download w/out it being stealing? oh darn it, that's prolly stealing too) Guess it's time to go cry now!
Today, Today was a day when IT finally happened. It's been a long time in the running, and I'm not really sure how to live without it. It has been such a part of my life for almost 2 years!!! Now its gone, and I'm free from the burden of getting caught and the thrill of downloading music... yes that's right. Today, January 27 2004, I deleted KAZAA from my computer. Oh well, guess it's something that had to happen sooner or later, and at least now I'm not stealing music (maybe theres another way to download w/out it being stealing? oh darn it, that's prolly stealing too) Guess it's time to go cry now!
26 January 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
This is a poem by my friend Kristin. I thought it was amazing and just wanted to pass it along. She's so amazing, funny and stuff. Always makes me think and laugh, ponder and smile. So this is my shout-out to her sticking w/me even though we've been apart longer than we were together at Calvin. So, heres to my old floormate, who loves Jello a lot!
can you HEAR the sadness
the sounds of madness
the absense of gladness
the noise of the ashamed
the cries of the blamed
listen to the echoes of the aching
the hum of their pains are awaking
we pretend not to SEE, but the sounds are blaring
the noises surround us, can't you SEE them glaring
-Kristin
So today, the funniest thing happened. I'm wearing jeans and my navy hoodie right? Well jonas was apparently wearing the same thing wheN I showed up to babysit...awww Well, we went out to barnes and nobles so he could play w/the trains and stuff. Because he was being so good, I bought him a cookie and got us both some water. He was in his highchair and I was giving him bites of the cookie and sips of the water (bc its not a sippy-cup he needed some help) and people were staring at us like "look at the poor girl, had a baby too young" I was like Gesh a whip. But Jonas was so cute. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when we left the store... ok it was more of a cookie slobber thing, but it counts right? YEAH! :) Ok, well, lots to do and little time...
This is a poem by my friend Kristin. I thought it was amazing and just wanted to pass it along. She's so amazing, funny and stuff. Always makes me think and laugh, ponder and smile. So this is my shout-out to her sticking w/me even though we've been apart longer than we were together at Calvin. So, heres to my old floormate, who loves Jello a lot!
can you HEAR the sadness
the sounds of madness
the absense of gladness
the noise of the ashamed
the cries of the blamed
listen to the echoes of the aching
the hum of their pains are awaking
we pretend not to SEE, but the sounds are blaring
the noises surround us, can't you SEE them glaring
-Kristin
So today, the funniest thing happened. I'm wearing jeans and my navy hoodie right? Well jonas was apparently wearing the same thing wheN I showed up to babysit...awww Well, we went out to barnes and nobles so he could play w/the trains and stuff. Because he was being so good, I bought him a cookie and got us both some water. He was in his highchair and I was giving him bites of the cookie and sips of the water (bc its not a sippy-cup he needed some help) and people were staring at us like "look at the poor girl, had a baby too young" I was like Gesh a whip. But Jonas was so cute. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when we left the store... ok it was more of a cookie slobber thing, but it counts right? YEAH! :) Ok, well, lots to do and little time...
25 January 2004
one more small thought for today:
WORLDS APART by JARS OF CLAY.
I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all adds up the same.Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, I flew too high and like Icarus I collide. With a world I try so hard to leave behind to rid myself of all but love: to give and die
To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans, more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache. Can I be the one to sacrifice? Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?
take my world apart I am on my knees
take my world apart broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone amongst remains of a life I should not own. It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me? All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains & dull the nails that still remain
More & more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart & take the pain & wash the feet & cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak, & all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty take my tears the sin-soaked heart & make it yours
take my world all apart take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross forgettin what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains & dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart & take the pain
take the selfish take the weak & all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray take my world apart
WORLDS APART by JARS OF CLAY.
I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all adds up the same.Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, I flew too high and like Icarus I collide. With a world I try so hard to leave behind to rid myself of all but love: to give and die
To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans, more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache. Can I be the one to sacrifice? Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?
take my world apart I am on my knees
take my world apart broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone amongst remains of a life I should not own. It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me? All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains & dull the nails that still remain
More & more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart & take the pain & wash the feet & cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak, & all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty take my tears the sin-soaked heart & make it yours
take my world all apart take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross forgettin what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains & dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart & take the pain
take the selfish take the weak & all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray take my world apart
Saturday January 24, 2004
It has been a good weekend. Bowling (and winning) friday night. Then tonight, BIG FISH... what a great movie. Everyone needs to go see it. However, that wasnt the highlight. I had a God-sighting. After leaving the movie, my wallet (with credit cards, almost 50 bucks and a few other important things) was missing. After looking everywhere... it was no where to be found. However, we got sent to the box office, who suprisingly had it with all the credit cards and cash still in tact! WOW! Then Karen and I had one of those mind-blowing-3-hour conversations (well not 3 hours, but def long)... and it got me thinking, which is usually a bad thing, but in this case, its good. So here are a few quotes that are aimed at specific people, and if you read it, I hope you know who you are:
"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." -G. Randolf
“A real friend is someone who you can sit in complete silence with and still walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation of your life.”
“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
"We will be friends until forever, just you wait see." - Pooh Bear
"My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are."
"My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life." -Kate Tierney
Maybe I got a little quote happy, but each one of these quotes makes me think of each of you, and reminds me how blessed I am for you. For the times together, for the memories, for the long chats/silences, for the effort to stay together no matter what, for the flaws and tears, for 2am chats about nothing, for being there and allowing me to be there for you. Each one of you is my friend and whether I see you often or not, you are with me always. Thank you! Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Until I talk to you again, know that I am praying for you and loving you despite any distance whether big or small!
It has been a good weekend. Bowling (and winning) friday night. Then tonight, BIG FISH... what a great movie. Everyone needs to go see it. However, that wasnt the highlight. I had a God-sighting. After leaving the movie, my wallet (with credit cards, almost 50 bucks and a few other important things) was missing. After looking everywhere... it was no where to be found. However, we got sent to the box office, who suprisingly had it with all the credit cards and cash still in tact! WOW! Then Karen and I had one of those mind-blowing-3-hour conversations (well not 3 hours, but def long)... and it got me thinking, which is usually a bad thing, but in this case, its good. So here are a few quotes that are aimed at specific people, and if you read it, I hope you know who you are:
"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." -G. Randolf
“A real friend is someone who you can sit in complete silence with and still walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation of your life.”
“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
"We will be friends until forever, just you wait see." - Pooh Bear
"My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are."
"My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life." -Kate Tierney
Maybe I got a little quote happy, but each one of these quotes makes me think of each of you, and reminds me how blessed I am for you. For the times together, for the memories, for the long chats/silences, for the effort to stay together no matter what, for the flaws and tears, for 2am chats about nothing, for being there and allowing me to be there for you. Each one of you is my friend and whether I see you often or not, you are with me always. Thank you! Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Until I talk to you again, know that I am praying for you and loving you despite any distance whether big or small!
22 January 2004
21 January 2004
Wednesday January 21, 2004
Sorry for kinda venting in the last one. I'm much calmer now. Played a little bball, had some alone time. Can I say how much that alone time is meaning to me lately? It's like being quiet and alone is better than being with anyone. I relish that time! Is that weird? Is it reclusive? I dono or care! Anyway, just put on my retainer for the first time in a while, and as per usual the bottom doesnt fit, and the top, OUCH OUCH OUCH! But hows the saying go "no pain no gain" I read this girl I used to know's web journal and she's got this great song on it, and since I'm all about the lyrics, here it goes, hope you get as much meaning from the lyrics as I do:
IF YOU WANT ME TO By: Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to
Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise
You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to you
Then I will go through fire if you want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
when you lead me through a world that’s not my home
but you never said it would be easy
you only said I’d never go alone
you oooh oh.
so when the whole world turns against me
and I’m all by myself
and I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the sufferin’ your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to.
That song brings a ton of comfort when I'm not feeling like myself at all. Dont really know what happened in the past week and a 1/2, but its like somewhere on the drive down I lost myself. It's missing and I feel incomplete somehow. I bought a basketball on Saturday and it's been my saving grace. Just going to the park and shooting around, getting all those thoughts to cleanse themselves! And Sunday the bball league starts... GO BCM TEAM GO! So excited. well, homework is calling... til next time.
Sorry for kinda venting in the last one. I'm much calmer now. Played a little bball, had some alone time. Can I say how much that alone time is meaning to me lately? It's like being quiet and alone is better than being with anyone. I relish that time! Is that weird? Is it reclusive? I dono or care! Anyway, just put on my retainer for the first time in a while, and as per usual the bottom doesnt fit, and the top, OUCH OUCH OUCH! But hows the saying go "no pain no gain" I read this girl I used to know's web journal and she's got this great song on it, and since I'm all about the lyrics, here it goes, hope you get as much meaning from the lyrics as I do:
IF YOU WANT ME TO By: Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to
Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise
You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to you
Then I will go through fire if you want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
when you lead me through a world that’s not my home
but you never said it would be easy
you only said I’d never go alone
you oooh oh.
so when the whole world turns against me
and I’m all by myself
and I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the sufferin’ your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to.
That song brings a ton of comfort when I'm not feeling like myself at all. Dont really know what happened in the past week and a 1/2, but its like somewhere on the drive down I lost myself. It's missing and I feel incomplete somehow. I bought a basketball on Saturday and it's been my saving grace. Just going to the park and shooting around, getting all those thoughts to cleanse themselves! And Sunday the bball league starts... GO BCM TEAM GO! So excited. well, homework is calling... til next time.
Wednesday January 21, 2004
Ok, well from this moment on I'm passing over the line, the line that manda and I created... I'm now on the other side of the drama... entered the DRAMA FREE ZONE. Your drama, my drama, his drama, her drama: it doesnt affect me anymore. I'm dull to it all. Theres a song by evanesence that seems to sum up everything I'm feeling. It's called haunted and the chorus goes:
watching me wanting me i can feel you pull me down
fearing you loving you i won't let you pull me down
So, though I've expressed my feelings, I've become the rejected one. The one who screwed it all up, and you know what... thats not right either. So, fine. done. bye
Ok, well from this moment on I'm passing over the line, the line that manda and I created... I'm now on the other side of the drama... entered the DRAMA FREE ZONE. Your drama, my drama, his drama, her drama: it doesnt affect me anymore. I'm dull to it all. Theres a song by evanesence that seems to sum up everything I'm feeling. It's called haunted and the chorus goes:
watching me wanting me i can feel you pull me down
fearing you loving you i won't let you pull me down
So, though I've expressed my feelings, I've become the rejected one. The one who screwed it all up, and you know what... thats not right either. So, fine. done. bye
19 January 2004
Monday January 19, 2004
So, I've been back in Charleston for a week now, well 3 hours short of a week actually and I've been pretty busy. The weather has been amazing though. Yesterday I spent the whole day outside running and playing bball. Today was adventure day with BCM and I went rock climbing, oh so sore. But it was great. Kinda having a hard time readjusting to being here. It's like it's normal, yet I cant quite place what the deal is. Maybe mom is right and I need a more diverse pool of friends here. Not that my current friends are bad, but maybe I just need to widen and enlargen the group. Though being back is good too. At home, I so easily fall back into my life in which I didn't prioritize God at all. Since I've been back I've been reading "My Utmost For His Highest" Some of ideas put forth by Oswald Chambers have really struck me. He wrote "God brings me into the proper relationship with Himself so that I can understand His call, and then I serve Him on my own out of a motivation of absolute love... The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and out of devotion to Him service becomes my everyday way of life." Another one was about being alone with God. What a thought, that I can be alone with the God who is everywhere, always!! "When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship- when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us." Am I ever totally speechless with Him? Am I ever totally speechless in general? Have I ever been broken to that point? Sometimes I think that my college experience has broken my like this, but have I really been like the song that says "let my pride fall down, I'm a little man"? I want to be broken and little in front of Him so I can have the desire of a Child to learn more and more and be like Him everyday. Well, time to do a little work before class tomorrow... But be back to write more soon.
So, I've been back in Charleston for a week now, well 3 hours short of a week actually and I've been pretty busy. The weather has been amazing though. Yesterday I spent the whole day outside running and playing bball. Today was adventure day with BCM and I went rock climbing, oh so sore. But it was great. Kinda having a hard time readjusting to being here. It's like it's normal, yet I cant quite place what the deal is. Maybe mom is right and I need a more diverse pool of friends here. Not that my current friends are bad, but maybe I just need to widen and enlargen the group. Though being back is good too. At home, I so easily fall back into my life in which I didn't prioritize God at all. Since I've been back I've been reading "My Utmost For His Highest" Some of ideas put forth by Oswald Chambers have really struck me. He wrote "God brings me into the proper relationship with Himself so that I can understand His call, and then I serve Him on my own out of a motivation of absolute love... The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and out of devotion to Him service becomes my everyday way of life." Another one was about being alone with God. What a thought, that I can be alone with the God who is everywhere, always!! "When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship- when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us." Am I ever totally speechless with Him? Am I ever totally speechless in general? Have I ever been broken to that point? Sometimes I think that my college experience has broken my like this, but have I really been like the song that says "let my pride fall down, I'm a little man"? I want to be broken and little in front of Him so I can have the desire of a Child to learn more and more and be like Him everyday. Well, time to do a little work before class tomorrow... But be back to write more soon.
08 January 2004
Thursday January 8, 2004
Been a little while since I last wrote...New Years eve was such a blast. We all went to Jen's house and had a surprisingly comfortable dinner. It was great to see Jody and Tiffany and even Laura. Whoa, its been so long since being with them all. For some odd reason, it makes me feel good to be around them! There wasn't even that dull lag in the conversation that occurs when friends haven't been around eachother for a long time and cant quite figure out what to talk about... The conversation just simply flowed as if we'd never been apart! After watching the fireworks and all kinda bundling together for warmth, we drove back to Jen's.... However, on the way we stopped and ambushed a polar bear and took a pic with it. Ok it wasn't a real polar bear, but one of those trendy light-up ones! Good times Good times.
I'm sitting here watching ER and thinking and next week I'll be watching ER from my apartment back in SC and I'm not sure what I think about that.
I spoke in AAAS chapel yesterday. They did it more in a question/answer forum setting. Though I feel that the students could have gotten much more out of us speaking about what God has been doing through our college experiences rather than the WHAT TO DOs at college.
Apparently its supposed to flurry tomorrow. I'm so EXCITED! I LOVE SNOW!!! Fun white fluff. Even the cold air is envigorating! Well, that is probably more than you wanted to hear, so thats all I'm going to write. til next time...
Been a little while since I last wrote...New Years eve was such a blast. We all went to Jen's house and had a surprisingly comfortable dinner. It was great to see Jody and Tiffany and even Laura. Whoa, its been so long since being with them all. For some odd reason, it makes me feel good to be around them! There wasn't even that dull lag in the conversation that occurs when friends haven't been around eachother for a long time and cant quite figure out what to talk about... The conversation just simply flowed as if we'd never been apart! After watching the fireworks and all kinda bundling together for warmth, we drove back to Jen's.... However, on the way we stopped and ambushed a polar bear and took a pic with it. Ok it wasn't a real polar bear, but one of those trendy light-up ones! Good times Good times.
I'm sitting here watching ER and thinking and next week I'll be watching ER from my apartment back in SC and I'm not sure what I think about that.
I spoke in AAAS chapel yesterday. They did it more in a question/answer forum setting. Though I feel that the students could have gotten much more out of us speaking about what God has been doing through our college experiences rather than the WHAT TO DOs at college.
Apparently its supposed to flurry tomorrow. I'm so EXCITED! I LOVE SNOW!!! Fun white fluff. Even the cold air is envigorating! Well, that is probably more than you wanted to hear, so thats all I'm going to write. til next time...
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