Jeremy Camp Lyrics

Hey, just a few lyrics (promise not the whole song) that are bringing my focus into the right place:

Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see it

Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears You've been so faithful for all my years

With the one breath You make me. Your grace covers all I do ~ Walk By Faith

Holy fire burn away my desire,

for anything that is not of you and is of me
I want more of you and less of me empty me, empty me
fill, wont you fill me with you, with you ~Empty Me

All that I am is for you My Savior

I live by your word and surrender to you

Here where I stand in this moment father

My spirit has been renewed I surrender to you ~I Surrender to You

Christmas Mood

Ok, so I've been listening to Christmas music tonight (yeah yeah yeah it's early, but it's so fun!) and this song is making me smile right now.

Oh yeah yeah... Last night I took a walk in the snow,

Couples holdin hands, places to go,

Seems like everyone but me is in love

Santa can you hear me? I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss,

I sent it off, it just said this: "I know exactly what I want this year"

Santa can you hear me? I want my baby, baby

I want someone to love me, someone to hold,

Maybe Maybe, He'll be all my own in a big red bow

Santa can you hear me?

I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing,

Tell me my true love is here He's all I want, just for me

Underneath my Christmas tree I'll be waiting here

Santa that's my only wish this year

Oh yeah.. Yeah Yeah...Christmas Eve, I just can't sleep

Would I be wrong for takin a peek Cuz I heard that you're comin' to town

Santa can you hear me? I really hope that you're on your way

With something special for me in your sleigh

Oh please make my wish come true,

Santa can you hear me?I want my baby, baby

I want someone to love me, someone to hold

Baby, baby, baby, baby We'll be all alone under the mistletoe

Santa can you hear me? I have been so good this year,

All I want is one thing Tell me my true love is here

He's all I want, just for me Underneath my Christmas tree

I'll be waiting here Santa that's my only wish this year

I hope my letter reaches you in time (oh yeah) Bring me love I can call all mine (oh yeah)

Dreams and Wishes

Have you ever had something that you really want, but don't know how to go about getting it? That is the predicament that I find myself in? What I currently have is good, but I want more. Why am I scared of this you ask... Well it could make things weird. Some of you know exactly that I'm referring to, so yeah, dono what to do. This is something I've never felt before, and you know what, I kinda like it. I feel like I'm going to be sick, but then I get a goofy smile and apparently I giggled (whoa baby, that's not a good sign). I want to either know it will or wont happen. Oh gesh. Ok enough of this

Quotes to Ponder

Make up your mind to stand for what is right-- even if everyone you know is going the other way.

Stand for what is right!

I know it's not easy. It's tough. You just have to do the work.

Who said it would be easy? What's the big deal when you've done something that was easy?

When you love someone you do what is BEST for them even if it hurts sometimes.

Interesting quotes huh? I thought so at least. The first one really applies to college life. A lot of the time it sucks to be the one standing alone, but if you are standing for the right thing, stand proud. Homework is stupid, but it's gotta be done. And the last one, yeah, we all know about that one.

Monday: just blues or really dreary?

So the pensive side of me has returned tonight. Not really sure where it came from, but it's here nonetheless. These Matchbox 20 lyrics sum a lot up "And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday. But if there's nothing there to make things change. If it's the same for you I'll just hang" Also I saw the end of Everwood, forgot how much I like that show and Ephraim (the main character) wrote "I hate change, but I know it's good for me, so I try to embrace it as best as I can." Has life changed that much lately? Or is it going to change that much soon? They say change makes us better... Does anyone know why that is? Looking back over the past 3 or 4 years, life barely has anything that remains constant. It's like everything is derived from a part of my former life, and sometimes I am finding myself longing for a hint of that life. A few of those friends are still there, but most are just memories now. I don't want to be just a memory to anyone. So many relationships come and go, sparkle and then fizzle, whether friendships or whatever. It's horrible. But one thing seemed like a synthetic has become the most genuine. Relationships built with the Christ as the foundation will not dwindle into nonentities. They may be repositioned in your life, but never absent. The friends who I used to run and hide from, because they spoke truth, are the only ones I still communicate with. They are the ones that still influence my life and the woman I am becoming. Friends: thank you for amending my ways and yanking me towards the Cross when I least wanted it. Thanks for the time, love and most importantly, the foundation built on the Rock! My prayer would that be that I can do for others like you all have done for me. Be there beside someone and pray them through, and watch them come to Christ and then grow in Him. So thank you all for the greatest love ever... Sharing the love of our Savior!

Friday I had to work 6-close right? Closing is supposed to be 12 for the coffee bar. Ok, well around 12:45 I'm just about to mop and be done (everything else is cleaned up) and like 30 stupid people come in. I'm not saying their stupid bc they wanted coffee so late, but bc they really were. I was like "the espresso machine is already shut down, but I can get you anything else" and they kept asking for mochas and stuff. I was like gesh. So I broke down a made hot chocolate and then Robin came to help but only made it worse but after my telling him that the machine was closed, forgetting and ringing them up for everything. so I made their stupid drinks and was like "Ok its 1am robin, everything else is done, I'm going home" and left. haha.
I was supposed to close again tonight, but around 12, Curry called and was like "hey Robin forgot to schedule a midshifter, can you come in and not work tonight?" I was like "HECK YA" thinking that midshift is usually a dead shift which would have been really nice after last nights insane lines. Well, I couldnt have been more wrong. For some reason today was the busiest day ever. I was alone for 6 hours in the coffee house with lines stretching out the door for most of the time. Gesh it was stressful. But I got just about 100 bucks in tips in those two shifts which is quite nice. cant complain about that. So tonight I paid for Lindsey's movie because today while I was working she was standing there telling people how the line never stopped and how I was all alone, and so people tipped more. haha so great.
So while everyone went to Neon Moon tonight, I was exhausted from work. So Lindsey, Kdub, Jennifer and I went to see Shall We Dance?. It was such an amazing movie. I'd recommend it to everyone. Though it looks cheesy, and yeah there are a few cheesy parts, for the most part its really sweet. Richard Gere doesnt cheat on his wife and there is no sex. Imagine a movie w/out sex. Can you think of a single movie lately that you saw w/out sex? Yeah me either. Ok sleep well my friends

the rest of the story

ok, already wrote all about Sunday. Then Monday morning I woke up around 7 and had to go to the bathroom. Well when I got back into bed I kept hearing Keturah talk and couldnt decide if she was on the phone or talking in her sleep. So I stared at Leigh-Ann til she woke up and she couldnt tell either. So I went over to Keturah and started poking her saying SHUTUP SHUTUP haha. So she stoped talking and then we hear the clicking of the text messaging. Well Kristen yells "stop talking to rudy this early" haha Keturah was talking to her boyfriend at 7am! gesh
Monday was uneventful, just kinda drove home and chilled. Tuesday I got to babysit Jonas and Shae. They came here and were so cute. We played on the playground, went for a walk, and I taught Jonas to bang on the wall w/poster holders. It was great fun!
Wednesday I drove to Columbia and met Katie. It was so random. We met at a random exit off 77 and parked near the USC football stadium and ate dinner at some Lizard place that I cant remember. So after our HUGE dinner we went to the bathroom, for fear of having to stop alone when she drove the rest of the way to Paris Island to watch Brian graduate. Well part way down 26 she calls and is like "get off the road, get off the road" so I'm like ok. We ended up getting off at this way sketch exit that had an adult video store that was full of truckers. It was great fun, totally worth the drive. I miss her a lot. She helps loosen me up so that I can have real fun!
The rest of the week (today) has been uneventful. Studying and such. boo. ok well now that you are all updated on my life, its time to go relax.

Fall Break...

Hey, So this might have been the best weekend ever! For Fall break, Leigh-Ann, Keturah, Kristen and I decided to go to Disney. Saturday afternoon we piled into the Envoy and left. We finally pitstoped for gas/bathroom about 5 hours later when we were on I-4. Haha there was sex in the bathroon and Keturah left that stall for me. Gee Thanks. What a wonderful thing to walk through. :) We got to Orlando around 9ish, checked into the hotel and headed out for dinner. Had some IHOP then went into a tatoo shop and then into "everything 1.99 store" to browse around. We came back and went to bed I think. Then in the morning we departed for DISNEY!!!!!!!!!! Got there and it was so cute, Keturah had never been and all she wanted was to meet Aladin, but we couldnt find him, actually we didnt see any characters. But hey, its all ok bc there were virtually no lines and we rode EVERYTHING except for the choo choo mountain thingy bc it was broke and It's a small world bc it was closed. evil! Do you know how cool space mountain is? Oh and the space ranger game? Man, Leigh-Ann was driving the thing and shooting like a pro. One of our last rides was a ghost thing and it was "scary" but hey, we got taken over by a ghost. For our last ride, we rerode splash mountain, always a favorite. On the way out we went shopping and got mugs and mugs and oh did I mention mugs. Kristen bought the whole store out. It was so worth it all. For dinner we headed to Planet Hollywood in downtown Disney next to Paradise Island... ok there's so much more to write, but in the AM!

FALL BREAK!!!!

All Glory Honor and Praise...

This weekend was such an amazing worshipful time. There were about 60 people from CofC and the Citadel gathered together in Garden City to learn more about Jesus and to connect as a body of believers. Today was the best though. We had "church" this morning and instead of what we expect as church, we just had Bible verses all over the room and went around individually praying and such. Such an amazing time. Don't think I've ever spent that much time in continual prayer before. Ok, well due to the lack of sleep from the weekend, I'm gonna go to bed early. night world

2 Funny Stories

1. So my mom called last night and was like "I have something to tell you about your dog." That usually means Daisy hurt herself again, and the way mom said it made me think it was really bad. She goes on to say "well your father turned the shower on this afternoon and then went to grab something. While he was turned around he heard this weird noise" and this freaks me out because if Daisy hurts herself really badly (her back still) then I have to take her to be put to sleep)... "when your father turned around, Daisy had gotten into the shower" How cute is that!?!? My Daisy-May, who hates getting a bath, got herself into the shower to get all clean. That's a first, so cute!

2. Had a dream about Calvin College last night. Maybe it's because my bed was cold and oops, I knocked the blanket onto the floor and didn't realize it. But in the dream, it was snowing and we were in the KH lot (we being Rach (or maybe it was Dena, way to mix 2 schools I know), Kristin, Justin a tow truck and I). But I was only there visiting and we were coming back from somewhere but Rach decided to just get into this random truck and drive it. Only she put it in reverse insteada drive and hit the tow truck. So, we started running, and he was chasing us. But then Kristin was like "this is a dream, just make the tow truck go away" and it did, poofed away. Then I woke up. Is that weird to anyone else?!?! Ok just wondering

What a Monday. Studied all day yesterday for my DE test. Then after studying Rob and I decided to walk to the exam and study on the way . Once we got on campus we ran into Bonnie and Cate and they had gotten back their abstract exams. Ok, so we didn't want those back yet, at least I didnt. So went to DE, took the test, hard but ok. Got back the Abstract test... BAD! Then realized that oops, while studying for DE I had forgotten about the linear quiz. arg. Also, apparently I wa supposed to take Linear BEFORE DE, gesh, that woulda been great. Studied all afternoon, went to BCM, called Rob about our abstract hw due tomorrow, since he did so well on the test. So he called around 10ish and came over and we worked on our homework til 1130 I guess. Maybe we faked it, but hey, it's an answer, and that works. Also, in case anyone wants to get a great cd thats been out for a while... Moulin Rouge Soundtrack... go buy it. It's amazing and great to study by!

feeling slightly more normal today. Maybe it's because of this afternoon, which I have to say thank you for! It was really great to just feel like myself if only for an afternoon. But hopefully, it means it's the upward swing. I have to say that the way I have been feeling is an answer to prayer though. I prayed that Jesus would just break me down, and here I am, less than a full week later, much more broken. So though it sucks, it's a huge praise!!

What happened

When did this happen? I felt it coming on Saturday and thought it would go away, but it didn't. Great. Something to look forward to for tomorrow. Maybe this fun feeling can stay longer. You know it's real even if you can't define it if your mom calls and without saying anything she knows.
Please don't try to guess how I'm feeling. You can't understand unless you are Karen, or maybe Nan, maybe you can... I think you can you just don't like to express how it felt. It's hard to say that, but you all haven't really seen me like this, and you can't really sympathize unless you really have been here. The wall is sinking and I'm stuck in a cavorous hole with no way out. Where is the ladder out? You found it for me before... do you know where it is now? If you don't, can you just stay up top and keep talking me through? Don't let me go. I hate this.

FALLS APART...

These lyrics are by Sugar Ray. So kristin (if you read this... I hope you enjoy it). Today was a good day. Lots to do, but it was very much NOT focused on me, which is a great thing. Had class, babysat, studied, and then went outside with Leigh-Ann and then Lindsay and Nan came over, and we had out Wednesday night prayer. I really hope Lindsay decides to keep coming! Other than that, something just hasn't been right lately. Can't put a finger on it, but it's there just the same. It's like I've been pretending, or putting on a show w/my friends. Trying to be funny, and yeah it's so fun... but I can't be showy anymore. Somewhere in the past few weeks I lost myself and don't know where it went. When I'm with people, I can be that person, but when alone, I don't feel it anymore. So, I downloaded this song and it seems to sum up everything:

She falls apart by herself, No ones there to talk or understand

Feels sustained, dries here eyes

Finds herself, opens the door inside

People see right through you, Everyone who knew you well

Falls apart, might as well Day is long and nothing is wasteful

Runaway runaway runaway runaway...

All those words that hurt you, More than you would let it show

Comes apart, by yourself

All is well and everything is wasted

Runaway runaway runaway runaway

So that is basically it in a nutshell. It's only part of the song, but yeah, it's applicable. So here is the prayer: Daddy (name used by Nan that is awesome), I try to make my life my own, but it's yours. Take my mind and transform it, take my will and conform it to yours Lord. Everything should be for your glory. Father, this life is yours, you gave it to me and I give it back to you. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Thank you father for breaking this pride that rises up so easily. If it will glorify you more, break me more Jesus. Break me to the point where I was last year where there was nothing but you! I raise my Ebenezer to you, because you are the Rock! Lord, it is not possible for me to break myself, so I am praying to you to break and humble me for your names sake. Thank you Lord.

So, another week has begun. Monday, went to some classes, and wondered where Jeanne (the latest hurricane they've predicted would hit us that didn't) was. Then Monday night I went to BCM, and it was really great. Stephen spoke for the first time. Afterwards, I was bored so Nan and I drove and sat at the battery and hung out. The waves were so big though that we kept getting splashed. However, these guys just pulled over and were like "is that your civic?" and i'm like "um yea" and they are like "is it for sale" and i'm like "it could be" and they said they race hatchbacks and need another one. So, if I make an offer then can pretty much guarantee it because it's in demand. Also, the reasons that I didn't want to sell it here are that it's a 5-speed w/no ac. But they want a 5-speed and ac would just slow them down. So it's perfect. Today is Tuesday and it was basically like any other, class, work, class, homework, sleeping during homework. However, Nan and I ran a little over 6 miles. We ran to the Citadel, got there, saw Scott (yeah! which was totally on accident) and "ran/walked" back. Later, Nan used my place to study, but I think she really just talked to Michael the whole time, which is cool, bc he is such a great guy. And I love how they are both going slowly with whatever is going on. Then we studied and such and went to MM to hear some music. Basically,

Weekend Excursions

Saturday: gesh, where is the time flying to? Saturday I slept in, then went to work from 12-6. It was so busy, but its cool cause I got over 40 bucks in tips, which is always a perk! :) Then Leigh-Ann came and we went shopping. On the way home we called Cassi and Nan and decided we were going to see WIMBELDON (Great movie!!!). So we picked up Nan and she did her fun techno dance moves in my apartment. Whoa, she learned a lot more than just WO AI NI and WEI (sp) in Tawian. But it's all good. So, after the movie, we went to George's, a sports bar in West Ashley, because it was Michael's 21st bday and Nan had to give him a card. Whoa, his roommate Scott... that's a wonderful vision to behold. And he was a funny guy too. Maybe we can convince him to come to church?!?! haha. Anyway, afterwards we (the girls) went and sat at the battery talking until like 1:30. good times.
Sunday: Got up after like 5 hours of sleep, never enough for me, and went to Sunday School. Then church, where Tyler finally showed up. The slacker overslept and missed Sunday School. Then we all went over to Judy's house for lunch. But... Nan had to go back downtown to get a form, so it was Michael driving w/Lauren and Tyler and I. I could get us to Sam Rittenburg and Michael could get us to the house from there, but that was no easy task. We probably made at least 3 u-turns. Oh well. It was worth it for the amazing pasta. It was also funny to listen to the knobs (plebe wanabees) talking about how easy it is. Came back, napped, ran in the rain along the battery. Did some hw and laundry, oh oh and homework. So basically it was an amazing weekend here in Charleston.
Also, if you could pray for my friends and I as we all are in the process of growing and struggling w/guys and such. Pray that we can just follow Jesus' will and continually seek Him out. That we will not loose focus of Christ and become solely focused on guys, and such :) This is such a tough thing for people our age, that we must make a conscious effort to search out God's will for our lives in this area, because He knows who that person is. As the sermon said today, "pray specifically" for things, and I'm adding, "pray specifically for this area"!!

Naptowner84: O:-) (the angel face on aim)
McElhaneySassy: LOL...thats just unbelievable christy

FRIDAY!!!
Went to class this morning, skipped Linear and Karen, Leigh-Ann and I watched Moulin Rouge. It was such a great movie. Then I worked, and as per usual, Nan, LA and Cassi came, only when I got off poor Cassi's car had been booted, so we all had to pay to unboot it.
I have to thank you (you know who you are) for listening tonight. I've been having a really hard time with something lately and didn't really even realize that it was my problem until tonight. I understand completely that Charleston, though my home, still has a lot of racial inequality. It's kind of hitting me lately how much of it there is. I didn't even notice it much last year, well I did, but not like recently. I grew up being taught that everyone was the same, and most people here just weren't raised like that. It's just a fact. My friend Shawn used to always say that he was black and I was white and we would joke about it a lot. So one day I put a black sheet of paper up against him and a white one up against me and was like, see neither of us match the sheets of paper. I guess that is just how my mind works. Yes, I do see the difference, but I don't think it necessarily matters so much. Maybe it's trite to say it's what's on the inside that matters, but isnt that true... at least to some extent? It's not like my endeavor here is to change the world, or even anyone. Just I guess what is happening is that remarks that seem racial leave a pungent taste in my mouth. I hear them, even if it was just a passing comment, it stays with me. I'm like "did they just say that?" and I know it's how people were raised here. So, yeah, it upsets me when people say things like that, a lot, but I also know that to them it's normal. But does that make it right? It doesn't mean I love anyone less, it's just difficult for me to hear it and not be shocked. Guess I'm just a product of my society! haha jk jk whoa, that was a deep entry, but as Nan and Leigh-Ann always say "WO AI NI"

Great Day

Today was a really good day. Went to anthropology, which is becoming really interesting, then tutored a guy in stats for an hour and a 1/2, then went to abstract math. But that was just normal. Then I proceeded to go to marion square and lay out for 2 hours (maybe that will help my floundering tan!) . However, when leaving, my bike tired had popped so I had to go get it replaced and walk home to get money! Refixed the pedal on my car, did homework and decided to run. Ran all the way to the end of the battery and back, it was like a 30 min run which felt really good. Came back, ate dinner, tried some more hw and then read Karen's livejournal. Somehow I felt the need to call her, and we ended up at the battery talking for hours. It felt really great. It's almost as if life here is so great, but she was missing from it. It didn't seems right w/out her. And though I wouldnt trade my new friends for anything because I LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING, it's really great to have her too! And yea for skipping Linear Algebra to go to the beach tomorrow. Ok time for sleep!