When winter comes in summer

When there's no more forever

That's when I'll stop loving you

I'm sure youve heard these words before

And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more

You're afraid it all might end in a broken heart it's scared of breaking again

Cause you gotta believe me I'll never leave you.

You'll never cry as long as I'm am there

And I will always be there You will never be without, no

That's when I'll stop loving you, yeah

As long as sunlight lights the sky

The light of love will be found in these eyes of mine

And I will shine that light for you

You're the only one I'll ever give this heart to

What I'm trying to say is nothing will change this Loving on
time you will find there Cause I will always be there

You will always have all my love

Makes You Smile

So, I checked my email and discovered that Nicole had left a post on this blog. That is so cool. She was my suitemate at Calvin for about 2 months, and she was amazing. Fun and easy going. I remember going to Meijer with her around midnight one night in my car and when we came out it had sleeted and the parking lot was empty. So I taught her to drive my car on the ice. It was scary and memorable. Just wanted to let her and all the other people from Calvin know that even though I wasnt there long, that you have impacted my life in ways you will never know. When I left, it was for wrong reasons. Though it has worked out in the end, it will always be something I regret and a time I wish I could get back to and fix.

You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This

I've got a funny feeling the moment that your lips touched mine
Something shot right through me, My heart skipped a beat in time
There's a different feel about you tonight
It's got me thinkin' lots of crazy things
I even think I saw a flash of light, It felt like electricity

You shouldn't kiss me like this unless you mean it like that
Cause I'll just close my eyes and I won't know where I'm at
We'll get lost on this dance floor
Spinnin' around and around and around

They're all watchin' us now, They think we're falling in love
They'd never believe we're just friends
When you kiss me like this I think you mean it like that
If you do baby kiss me again

Everybody swears we make the perfect pair
But dancing is as far as it goes
Girl you've never moved me quitethe way you moved me tonight
I just wanted you to know
I just wanted you to know ~Toby Keith

Praise

You said, "ask and you will receive whatever you need."

You said, "pray and I'll hear from heaven, and I'll heal your land."

You said "Your glory will fill the earthlike water the sea".

You said, "lift up your eyes;the harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, "ask and I'll give the nations to you."

oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart.

distant shores and the islands will see

Lord, Let this song be my prayer. Let your Kingdom be near. Father help me to see your harvest here, in Charleston. Give me boldness to do your Will and strive after you with EVERYTHING that I am. Take my heart and let it be transformed to your will. I say "Jesus, it's all about you, I want to be fully yours" but is that true? If it's not Lord, Make it true. Make my life about enlarging your Kingdom. Amen

Great Weekend

Whats up my friends? So this weekend was amazingly fun. What a relief and stress-breaker it is to finally get a Friday and Saturday night off from work. So what did I do with all this free time you ask? Well, Friday I chilled and went running for about 45 min. It was nice not to be counting down the hours until work began. Then Kristi Ford came over and played the "knock on the wall" game with the next door neighbors. (It's actually quite amusing bc it can go on for hours!!!)

Then Saturday, I woke up and went straight to work and worked until 6. Got off and Keturah and Nan came over and we watched I AM SAM, then Rach came over and brought a friend. We went to the 9:25 showing of THE POLAR EXPRESS at the Imax (Huge screen and 3D!!!!). We all go to wear these silly glasses and such. After the movie we all went and were near the water, only Keturah had to go to the bathroom. So she and I went into this Restaurant and asked to use their bathroom. I ran into a guy I know from Abstract math! So we went to the womens room and opened the door. Only there was a man there, standing in one of the stalls w/the door wide open, just standing there peeing. Keturah and I got an eyefull. We left and waited outside and he was like "Sorry I couldnt wait." haha he was so wasted. While I was waiting for Keturah to finish, these really funny drunk girls came in and were "pee faster so we can go do more shots" "ouch, my toenail fell off" "I ripped my skirt upto my butt" Needless to say it was very hard not to laugh while I was in there with them. Anyways, that was my interesting weekend, and now it's less than 48 hours til I'm back in NAPTOWN!

Oh Gesh

So I think I have a problem. I really like Rob. A lot. I liked him before I knew he was a great Christian guy. We talk a lot and stuff and finally I've come to the conclusion that something needs to progess. Thats my story. Oh gesh. I like him a lot!

Josephine

So, today Leigh-Ann helped me take Josephine to the Honda dealer. They said there are 2 things wrong: 1) broken hydrolic clutch master cylinder and slave cylinder and 2) the CV boots are cracking. So what does that mean? the hydrolic cylinders are leaking fluid and so basically not allowing the catchpoint to catch at the right spot. The CV boots... um, the guy explained it as "have you ever hear a car 'click' when it turns? well it's bc the cv boots have broken" so I'm not exactly sure about this, but that doesn't sound so great. Well, I am getting the clutch master cylinder and slave cylinder fixed for about 450 bucks. Then it will be safe to drive home at Christmas and then get ready to sell her. Sad day, but at least she's doing better and the CV boot thing isnt a horrible problem, at least not for a while the guy said.
Other fun things today. I went to Folly Beach w/Michael Rivera. That was really fun actually. Did you know that their uniforms are really just a jacket w/fake collars and stuff. Oh gesh. haha Well, we got to Folly, and he took out his blanket and we went onto the beach and sat, watching the sunset. I dono, we just talked about a lot of stuff. Then the gnats were killing him so we walked a really long ways and then back. We ended up on the pier and walked to the end and up onto the top part and watched the water and talked about life then just sat and hung out. It was really nice. Relaxing and enjoyable I think is the right term. Also, in his cool truck is the most awesome Subwoofer. Man can that base rock. Maybe I should ride w/him when we go to Crossroads next semester with BCM! haha

Josephine

My baby, Josephine, has come to the end of her life. Well, at least her life with me. Her clutch is just about to give out and my parents have decided they do not want me to drive her home to MD. Sad that she will never sit in her spot anymore. So if you can just pray that we can get this all worked out. It looks like I'm going to be purchasing Kate Fullers car, but I can't get that until Jan 2. That still leaves me carless for over a month and no real way of getting home for Christmas. So, prayer about good decisions would be awesome. thanks

Let It All Out

Let it all out Get it all out
Rip it out Remove it
Don't be alarmed When the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along That's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me Crying out for consistency
And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart
Then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify
The pain it took to get us there ~Relient K

the Other song that describes me, maybe even better is this:

I watched the proverbial sunrisecoming up over the Pacific

and you might think I'm losing my mind,

but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am'

cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said that

it's the very moment thatI wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to try and never become that way again

cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun

to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up. ~Relient K

HOME!

I can't wait to go home in 2 weeks. It's strange... I never want to be there, but lately I have just wanted to go home, sit on my couch and pet my dogs. Three dogs to love, 3 dogs to cuddle, and 3 dogs to adore. Nothing better than that! Somehow being around my Daisy May makes life better and just fills my heart to overflowing. My heart needs that badly. I am depleted, saddened, empty. I want to long for Christ, but am not lately. I want to do well in classes, but the more I try the worse it's becoming this semester.
It's definitely time to go home and get replenished. See Jen, who always helps put things into perspective. Go Mid Hunting with Katie. Run with dad and talk about life. Go for a walk down my street with my walkman like I've down most days for almost 9 years now. Sit beside the water and just relax. 2 weeks, I can make it. Plunge ahead with school and classes and failure until then!!!!

Why? You asked

Why do I act as I do? You asked me this and I didn't know. Actually I still don't know. For as long as I can remember, when trying to joke around I have always ended up making a blunder out of things. This is not a first, and most likely won't be a last. I have an uncanny knack of hurting people or making myself look like an idiot, time and time again. Maybe the goal should be to just stop joking around. Be the other side of me more often. Keep that desire to throw water and food, even though it makes most laugh, to curb it and make it go away. Time to officially grow up huh? I don't want to be seen as 5. I want to be an adult. Maybe I need to act like it more. So as of today, old, joking self = gone. mature me = here. ok, thats enough

Strange Noises...

Haha, so my neighbors are really funny. Right now they are calling girls on speaker phone, which for some reason I can hear, and talking about ridiculous things... hmm. So yeah, fun times over here in the SJ. Maybe they will get the drift that no girls want to talk to them. They sound so funny though the wall though.
Don't really know what to write about, but I'm in a writing mood. This week is insane. Today I had to go get my chipped tooth fixed. Yeah, at the fair you can hurt yourself. But it's all good. Tomorrow will be spent in class and then studying for this horrible Abstract Math test. Wed is class, studying, prayer in our lobby, studying... Thursday is the day of death. TEST! Then mom is coming in the evening. Friday consists of class and work. Maybe it's not such an overwhelming week, but abstract math scares me.
On the plus side, it's been so warm. Today is November 1, and it was over 80 degrees out. I'm still in shorts and a t-shirt at 10pm. At this moment I am ready for thanksgiving break. Ready for my puppies and my house. It's weird, I'm not homesick like I've felt before but this is also the longest I've gone w/out seeing anyone from home. Can you believe it's November already? Because I def cant. Ok maybe that is enough writing.

Jeremy Camp Lyrics

Hey, just a few lyrics (promise not the whole song) that are bringing my focus into the right place:

Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see it

Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears You've been so faithful for all my years

With the one breath You make me. Your grace covers all I do ~ Walk By Faith

Holy fire burn away my desire,

for anything that is not of you and is of me
I want more of you and less of me empty me, empty me
fill, wont you fill me with you, with you ~Empty Me

All that I am is for you My Savior

I live by your word and surrender to you

Here where I stand in this moment father

My spirit has been renewed I surrender to you ~I Surrender to You

Christmas Mood

Ok, so I've been listening to Christmas music tonight (yeah yeah yeah it's early, but it's so fun!) and this song is making me smile right now.

Oh yeah yeah... Last night I took a walk in the snow,

Couples holdin hands, places to go,

Seems like everyone but me is in love

Santa can you hear me? I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss,

I sent it off, it just said this: "I know exactly what I want this year"

Santa can you hear me? I want my baby, baby

I want someone to love me, someone to hold,

Maybe Maybe, He'll be all my own in a big red bow

Santa can you hear me?

I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing,

Tell me my true love is here He's all I want, just for me

Underneath my Christmas tree I'll be waiting here

Santa that's my only wish this year

Oh yeah.. Yeah Yeah...Christmas Eve, I just can't sleep

Would I be wrong for takin a peek Cuz I heard that you're comin' to town

Santa can you hear me? I really hope that you're on your way

With something special for me in your sleigh

Oh please make my wish come true,

Santa can you hear me?I want my baby, baby

I want someone to love me, someone to hold

Baby, baby, baby, baby We'll be all alone under the mistletoe

Santa can you hear me? I have been so good this year,

All I want is one thing Tell me my true love is here

He's all I want, just for me Underneath my Christmas tree

I'll be waiting here Santa that's my only wish this year

I hope my letter reaches you in time (oh yeah) Bring me love I can call all mine (oh yeah)

Dreams and Wishes

Have you ever had something that you really want, but don't know how to go about getting it? That is the predicament that I find myself in? What I currently have is good, but I want more. Why am I scared of this you ask... Well it could make things weird. Some of you know exactly that I'm referring to, so yeah, dono what to do. This is something I've never felt before, and you know what, I kinda like it. I feel like I'm going to be sick, but then I get a goofy smile and apparently I giggled (whoa baby, that's not a good sign). I want to either know it will or wont happen. Oh gesh. Ok enough of this

Quotes to Ponder

Make up your mind to stand for what is right-- even if everyone you know is going the other way.

Stand for what is right!

I know it's not easy. It's tough. You just have to do the work.

Who said it would be easy? What's the big deal when you've done something that was easy?

When you love someone you do what is BEST for them even if it hurts sometimes.

Interesting quotes huh? I thought so at least. The first one really applies to college life. A lot of the time it sucks to be the one standing alone, but if you are standing for the right thing, stand proud. Homework is stupid, but it's gotta be done. And the last one, yeah, we all know about that one.

Monday: just blues or really dreary?

So the pensive side of me has returned tonight. Not really sure where it came from, but it's here nonetheless. These Matchbox 20 lyrics sum a lot up "And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday. But if there's nothing there to make things change. If it's the same for you I'll just hang" Also I saw the end of Everwood, forgot how much I like that show and Ephraim (the main character) wrote "I hate change, but I know it's good for me, so I try to embrace it as best as I can." Has life changed that much lately? Or is it going to change that much soon? They say change makes us better... Does anyone know why that is? Looking back over the past 3 or 4 years, life barely has anything that remains constant. It's like everything is derived from a part of my former life, and sometimes I am finding myself longing for a hint of that life. A few of those friends are still there, but most are just memories now. I don't want to be just a memory to anyone. So many relationships come and go, sparkle and then fizzle, whether friendships or whatever. It's horrible. But one thing seemed like a synthetic has become the most genuine. Relationships built with the Christ as the foundation will not dwindle into nonentities. They may be repositioned in your life, but never absent. The friends who I used to run and hide from, because they spoke truth, are the only ones I still communicate with. They are the ones that still influence my life and the woman I am becoming. Friends: thank you for amending my ways and yanking me towards the Cross when I least wanted it. Thanks for the time, love and most importantly, the foundation built on the Rock! My prayer would that be that I can do for others like you all have done for me. Be there beside someone and pray them through, and watch them come to Christ and then grow in Him. So thank you all for the greatest love ever... Sharing the love of our Savior!

Friday I had to work 6-close right? Closing is supposed to be 12 for the coffee bar. Ok, well around 12:45 I'm just about to mop and be done (everything else is cleaned up) and like 30 stupid people come in. I'm not saying their stupid bc they wanted coffee so late, but bc they really were. I was like "the espresso machine is already shut down, but I can get you anything else" and they kept asking for mochas and stuff. I was like gesh. So I broke down a made hot chocolate and then Robin came to help but only made it worse but after my telling him that the machine was closed, forgetting and ringing them up for everything. so I made their stupid drinks and was like "Ok its 1am robin, everything else is done, I'm going home" and left. haha.
I was supposed to close again tonight, but around 12, Curry called and was like "hey Robin forgot to schedule a midshifter, can you come in and not work tonight?" I was like "HECK YA" thinking that midshift is usually a dead shift which would have been really nice after last nights insane lines. Well, I couldnt have been more wrong. For some reason today was the busiest day ever. I was alone for 6 hours in the coffee house with lines stretching out the door for most of the time. Gesh it was stressful. But I got just about 100 bucks in tips in those two shifts which is quite nice. cant complain about that. So tonight I paid for Lindsey's movie because today while I was working she was standing there telling people how the line never stopped and how I was all alone, and so people tipped more. haha so great.
So while everyone went to Neon Moon tonight, I was exhausted from work. So Lindsey, Kdub, Jennifer and I went to see Shall We Dance?. It was such an amazing movie. I'd recommend it to everyone. Though it looks cheesy, and yeah there are a few cheesy parts, for the most part its really sweet. Richard Gere doesnt cheat on his wife and there is no sex. Imagine a movie w/out sex. Can you think of a single movie lately that you saw w/out sex? Yeah me either. Ok sleep well my friends

the rest of the story

ok, already wrote all about Sunday. Then Monday morning I woke up around 7 and had to go to the bathroom. Well when I got back into bed I kept hearing Keturah talk and couldnt decide if she was on the phone or talking in her sleep. So I stared at Leigh-Ann til she woke up and she couldnt tell either. So I went over to Keturah and started poking her saying SHUTUP SHUTUP haha. So she stoped talking and then we hear the clicking of the text messaging. Well Kristen yells "stop talking to rudy this early" haha Keturah was talking to her boyfriend at 7am! gesh
Monday was uneventful, just kinda drove home and chilled. Tuesday I got to babysit Jonas and Shae. They came here and were so cute. We played on the playground, went for a walk, and I taught Jonas to bang on the wall w/poster holders. It was great fun!
Wednesday I drove to Columbia and met Katie. It was so random. We met at a random exit off 77 and parked near the USC football stadium and ate dinner at some Lizard place that I cant remember. So after our HUGE dinner we went to the bathroom, for fear of having to stop alone when she drove the rest of the way to Paris Island to watch Brian graduate. Well part way down 26 she calls and is like "get off the road, get off the road" so I'm like ok. We ended up getting off at this way sketch exit that had an adult video store that was full of truckers. It was great fun, totally worth the drive. I miss her a lot. She helps loosen me up so that I can have real fun!
The rest of the week (today) has been uneventful. Studying and such. boo. ok well now that you are all updated on my life, its time to go relax.

Fall Break...

Hey, So this might have been the best weekend ever! For Fall break, Leigh-Ann, Keturah, Kristen and I decided to go to Disney. Saturday afternoon we piled into the Envoy and left. We finally pitstoped for gas/bathroom about 5 hours later when we were on I-4. Haha there was sex in the bathroon and Keturah left that stall for me. Gee Thanks. What a wonderful thing to walk through. :) We got to Orlando around 9ish, checked into the hotel and headed out for dinner. Had some IHOP then went into a tatoo shop and then into "everything 1.99 store" to browse around. We came back and went to bed I think. Then in the morning we departed for DISNEY!!!!!!!!!! Got there and it was so cute, Keturah had never been and all she wanted was to meet Aladin, but we couldnt find him, actually we didnt see any characters. But hey, its all ok bc there were virtually no lines and we rode EVERYTHING except for the choo choo mountain thingy bc it was broke and It's a small world bc it was closed. evil! Do you know how cool space mountain is? Oh and the space ranger game? Man, Leigh-Ann was driving the thing and shooting like a pro. One of our last rides was a ghost thing and it was "scary" but hey, we got taken over by a ghost. For our last ride, we rerode splash mountain, always a favorite. On the way out we went shopping and got mugs and mugs and oh did I mention mugs. Kristen bought the whole store out. It was so worth it all. For dinner we headed to Planet Hollywood in downtown Disney next to Paradise Island... ok there's so much more to write, but in the AM!