too much trouble!!!!! ack :(

Sex and the City Quotes..

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Carrie: I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

Carrie: It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan.

Ponder

Hey,
so long discussions with Kate rock! Also, Amiga, I really wana come to Greece, so count me in! No changing, no qualms, no discussion... Let's do it! So, she's come to the conclusion that I'm terrified to let myself feel strongly! Maybe she's right. But why would that be? I think about him and get all butterflies in my stomach and at the same time he can make me so amazingly angry. But if it's true that I am scared, how do you get over that? How do you free yourself to just let go... And fall? Falling can potentially hurt, and I don't know if after the year my family has had if my heart is strong enough for that possibility. People are pairing off, but does that mean that I'm ready? Yes and no. Ready and terrified, is that something that goes together? I dono. [Also, as an aside (Kate, sorry for backing into your jeep! Why does that only happen when with you!?!?!?) haha thanks for being cool about it, and amazingly nothing showed on either of our cars. Yeah for the bumpers actually working! ] Ok, back to the real discussion. I'm of the opinion that no one reads this, which is fine, it means I can write and vent honestly. But if someone does happen to read this and has any advice on this subject... I would greatly appreciate it. Can't things just go simply at their own pace? Why must people always hint at the future, a future that I'm trying my hardest to avoid. Graduation and life and adulthood and all that ensues from that shakes me to the very core. So maybe essentially that is the problem. Maybe I'm not scared of him and what could potentially be there, but of the future... He seems ready for it and anticipating it, and me, well I'm pretending that it's not less than 4 months away! Ok there ya go. I psycho-analyzed myself.

Rascal Flatts

So, kate and I were listening to Rascal Flatts in the car tonight while looking at Christmas lights. So I went do download some, and came across this song and its beautiful...

"Head Over Heels"

Sitting here with you, you ask me why my tongus is tied
I've tried to make some since of all these things I feel inside
I've been searching for the perfect words to say
They've been said a thousand times but they mean more today

'Cause i'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling head over heels for you

So baby there it is I've let it go and now you know
It's funny how a feeling starts so small and starts to grow
I had every line rehearsed I'd say to you today
then you looked into my eyes and they just slipped away

'Cause i'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling, head over heels for you

Head over heels heart over mind, you've got me body and soul
I've never dreamed in a million years I'd lose complete control

I'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling head over heels for you
Head over heels for you, I'm falling head over heels for you
oooo ohh I'm falling mmmm I'm falling

Ok, so i've mentioned aaron a few times, and there he is. yup. ok, enough! haha

Christmas Eve

Ok, so great service tonight. Good to see old friends and get to have the Christmas eve service in a new way! Also, I'm cold. brrr. going to bed.

Thoughts of the day...

So today I was supposed to meet Aaron in VA... but things at home have been bad, so I didn't go. But maybe that was a blessing in disquise because Gumpy fell and I ended up spending the day in the ER with him. He is okay thankfully, and nothing is broken or bruised and there was no reason for his fall other than him being 91 and just falling. So yeah for him being okay. Also, my being there seemed to have helped things with my parentals. They seemed much less angry today, and even seemed okay! It was weird. Maybe thats how family is. They are the ones that you love and know will always be there, so you can just let your emotions go... Oh well. Also, while in the ER this man went running through and basically knocked me over, and then the hospital guards took after him. Apparently somehow he was a bad guy, so that's kinda strange.

On another note, I am starting to like The Postal Service and I blame Aaron for that! Ack. Also, I miss him a bit! haha phone calls are good, but just dont do the trick! ok, well enough about that.

Another note, it has been good seeing my friends from home. Katie and Katie and Jen and Kate... You guys are amazing! Manda, hopefully I'll see you soon! I even got to take Laura and her lil precious Mekinze to the mall to sit on santa's lap!!! AWWWWWW

Christmas Vacation 2005...

So here is what I have been doing.

1. Not going to classes.
   
2. Not doing homework
3. Not spending time in Addlestone!
4. Hanging out with my puppies
5. 5. Seeing some old friends!
   

All of these things have been wonderful! And I have enjoyed every moment

6. fighting with my mom... it's like i'm back in highschool and we're relating like we did then, which basically meant we fought. It really sucks. It's based on my attitude and that's true, but I am having a really hard time getting past it. Doesn't that sound horrible and conceited? Well it is! I think it stems from the fact that she is making it a huge deal that it's her first holiday season without my Nana. True it is, but it's also the family's first holiday time without Nana. Does she not get that? Yes, it's her mom that passed away, but you know what... Nana was a part of this family and her death has impacted everyone, not just my mom. That sounds even more horrible I know. But, it's how I feel. We're all supposed to make mom feel better, well you know what, I dont wana! Wow, that sounded like a 5 year old. I guess the point is that this is hard and strange for everyone, not just mom. And it's as if every moment is supposed to be about mom, and so instead of doing that, I have been well... not. So, if anyone has any suggestions as how to fix this... bc I cant tell her! No no that would make it 10 times worse, I would appreciate all input! thanks

"Come a little closer" dirks bently lyics

I LOVE LYRICS. has anyone noticed? well, if not... its true

come a little closer baby, I feel like layin you down
on a bed of sweet surrender where we can work it all out
there ain't nothin that love can't fix, girl it's right here at our finger tips
so come a little closer baby I feel like layin you down

some a little closer baby
I feel like lettin go of everything that stand between us & the love we used to know
I wanna touch you like a crimson rain & let it wash all your hurt away
so come a little closer baby I feel like lettin go

if there's still a chance then take my hand
and we'll steal away off into the night
until we make things right
the sun's gonna rise, on a better day

come a little closer baby I feel like strippin it down
back to the basics of ou and me and what makes the world go round
every inch of you accross my skin
I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
so come a little closer baby I feel like strippin it down

come a little closer baby just a little bit closer baby
come a little closer baby I feel like layin you down

"dance, dance" Fall out boy...

FALL OUT BOY LYRICS

"Dance, Dance"

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse" vs. "no one should ever feel like.."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance and these are the lives you'd love to lead

Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Dance, Dance Dance, Dance Dance, Dance Dance, Dance

exams...

so I just got out of my numerical methods exam. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ABOUT???? I Mean, I obviously didnt pass it. Nor did anyone else, from what I'm hearing. Why would the best teacher on campus do that to us? bleck

You're Beautiful...

These are lyrics to "you're beautiful" by James Blunt

My life is brilliant. My love is pure.
I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was, F-ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

These lyrics are really beautiful. Instead of calling this blog INTROSPECTIONS... It should be called "lyrics". something about lyrics are just so powerful. they get stuck in your mind and play themselves on repeat, at random. This song is beautiful and seems like a wonderful love song, which in a way it is. It's more like a song of longing. Loving her despite not knowing her. It could be seen as a lust song, because he never met her, only loved her from seeing her. Depends on if you believe in love at first sight or not?!?! Insane, this song just puts me in a contemplative mood. Wana put it on repeat, turn off the lights, light all the candles and sip a nice glass of wine... preferably white wine. Yeah, thats it!

Been a long time...

Hey, So not that I believe that anyone really reads this bc its not xanga, like everyone else has, but that's ok. I write purely as a way to expunge my brain of everything that keeps me from sleeping at night. Tomorrow is the last day of classes. 2 hours and 30 min (yes folks, 3 classes really adds up to only 2.5 hours of class!!!) and then its time to hit the books for a week solid. Tuesday we have a 303 study group and then I tutor. Been studying for that exam for 2 days now. Gotta get prepared for that one because the day before the exam is by baby's 22nd birthday! whoa, 22. Insane. That used to seem so far away. It's gonna be so nice when exams are over, yet so hard to sit and focus to study because all of mine are basically at the end of exams... Yes I have nothing to do til Friday. YIPPIE for having to force yourself to study when really I just wana be with Aaron or my friends. Also, when did that happen? Sometimes, I think about how we finally ended up together and it makes me laugh. Such drama before, yet none now. It's weird.

Today I went to church for the first time in a long time and it was good. Went back to Citadel Square. I remember when first going to ARBC and thinking that I shouldn't have been leaving Citadel Square. Well, folks, that just shows that if you go against God's plan... Your way isn't gonna be where He wants you! Also, Aaron mentioned that he wants us to go to the same church. We did until all the college people and the pastor left ARBC. The problem herein lies with the fact that I love traditional services with hymns and formality whereas he is much more of a contemporary worshipper. If anyone has suggestions here, bring them forth. Also, it was amazing to get back into the Word. I have been neglecting Christ lately. This is the philosophy from now on: "I have been tricked by the world. Today, Emmanuel is silencing the roar of the schemer!" That was my take on the sermon today. It was so great to be back there. Like home really.

Also, tomorrow is Renzy and Jennifer Busseys' last day of classes while in college. Granted they both will be at MUSC next semester, but doesn't that seem surreal?!?!? College, I swear it just started. Well not really, but I'm also not ready for the real world. Finally told my parents that I don't wana go to grad school right away because math is too hard of a major and it hurts my head. So surprisingly they were okay with that. So the plan is to look into private schools around Charleston and see if I can get a job. Can you picture it?!?! I real, 40 hour a week, 7-3 (bc its stupid school) type of job. Insane is what that is.

"Keep Singing" Mercy Me

So I know that I post a ton of music lyrics, but they are what really ring true to me at any given moment. I can relate to them and feel everything through them. This song is off the UNDONE cd by Mercy Me. Something about this song... it can be left on repeat and touch some cord deep inside... so here it is:

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

Break woes!

hey all,
so yeah, its great to be on break. but I'm finding that i'm missing my friends and my boyfriend. Yeah so thats the scoop. ok. bye

Thanksgiving.

Flew Home to Maryland today. It was crazy early, but luckily nan got outta bed before the sun to take me to the airport. Slept on the plane, grabbed the flyer and then the metro. On the metro I met a girl who's a senior math major in Vermont and we are both taking abstract algrebra, so we randomly talked about groups and stuff on the metro. hahaha weird. Home is good, a lil cold but good! My dogs are wonderful. Danced w/drew and he put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes! See, even my puppy knows what to do w/slow songs! haha Had coffee with Kate and then we walked around! Then had charthouse w/mom! Tomorrow afternoon I take the parents to the metro so they can catch the amtrak upto NYC! Good for them! Dad finally taught me how to use the fireplace... he had to teach me because its not real, its gas! But it sure is pretty!!! Also tomorrow I think I'm gonna chill in Kate's hottub... haha only I forgot my bathing suit, which she even reminded me to bring. Oops.

It's really weird. It's like this is home, but each time I come back there are less and less people here that I really want to be around and who I really know. There are old friends from high school, but really, I dont actually hang out with them. Kate, sometimes Katie, Katie Kern, Jen, Brittany and an occasional few others, and of course chase. It's as if life has finally moved on and Charleston is home. It is home, but also it's like home home. All the people my life revolves around, besides family, are there and life isnt the same when they aren't nearby! I love you guys! Ok, well, besides that, I am excited about driving the Z3 all week! haha, and my Josephine too, though she's running poorly and needs to be stretched! Well, hopefully after some extra driving (gotta get her some more gas first) she will get better! She's just running like she hasnt been driven enough and is sad about that. Also, is it weird that I personify my car? Only that car too, bc the 2003 civic is just my car, not my baby! Ok, well, Night world!

Heather Nova Song...

"Like Lovers Do"

There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do

I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I wanna give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do

Like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way

I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do

Just like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Yeah I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Like lovers do
Give me the strength
To give myself to you
Like lovers lovers do

Yeah all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
Like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Yeah I need to feel, I need to feel that way

Like lovers do

Is school over yet? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of studying for hours and getting no where! It's horrible!

Here By Me... lyrics from 3 Doors Down

I hope you’re doing fine out without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to my Nana... crap. I cant do this. Today sucks. I dono how it can be made better. I've been trying to be strong for mom, bc it has to suck more for her but its aweful! I miss her and think about her all the time. And no, I dont wana talk about it, and I just wanted to go iceskating and have fun w/no stress. But no, not even that could be possible. So screw it. Maybe I am crazy, You all think it anyway. Some of you write on my facebook wall about how good of friends we are? But isnt that crap? I mean, isnt it fake? You only want to be friends when its convienent. You basically said you're gonna drop me and forget everything once we graduate and you go away. So why even invest my time in that? You were one of my favorites, but I cant handle that. It's not how I operate. Today wasnt even supposed to be about that. It was supposed to be fun, to take my mind from everything that hurts too much to be real today. But whatever, why go have fun when it's just easier not to? So, for now I'm done. Bye