Day 1

Today was the 1st of many days. Many days in which hallways will be full of students talking and laughing, classrooms full of learning, teachers running to and fro teaching, growth and new experiences. Today was a good day.

This year is different than the rest. Today my homeroom was a homeroom of seniors. Where has time gone? They started a tiny freshman, quiet and unassuming (or plotting as many still are...) and today, they were in tennis shoes and sperrys. Long gone are the days of reminding them to be in the correct shoes. Soon will come senior sweaters and cap and gown order forms. Now, before I go getting all nostalgic, we first have to make it there... Throughout any given day, 100 students plus 25 homeroom students and I will cross paths. At least 80 of them are seniors... Now those of you who are not teachers may not understand, but these kids, while many are sweet and kind, funny and challenging, are already mentally gone. At least mine are. I do not teach the honors students, but they are all gifted in other ways; some great musicians, others amazing athletes, but math is not their specialty. So, for the next 38ish weeks, we must survive each other. Pray! Pray! Pray! Love them lots!!!!!

Back to Work

So, I arrived back to Maryland a week ago. Spent quality time at work seeing friends and of course working. Things are pretty much ready to go and that first day buzz can be felt through the hallways. Time to get rolling. It's been good to catch up with people, hear about summers and laugh... there has been lots of laughing. Our office is now officially a box. The window, which was blocked before, is now bricked over. The new brick area is the typical gray color, where as the remaining walls are all pepto bismal pink. Put a deposit on an apt today. We'll see where that goes.

But in other news, do you ever do something, not realize it was a problem, find out you shouldn't have done it, and then have that pit in your stomach from then on? Yeah.... current situation. Hopefully nothing will come of it. But then you never know do you? Sheer ignorance of the situation no longer applies as an excuse; adults know this. But either way, that pit remains.

Kudu Coffee

I've been sitting in Kudu for almost 2 hours now. Working. Yes, that's right people, working. Created seating charts for all 5 classes, planned a route to get from room 108 to 209 in approx the time we have between classes. Gotta love still being a floating teacher... I might not make it on time! Haha Oh well. Discovered that 85% of the students this year I have taught before, which is nice bc I hate that first month of trying to know their names! Least this year I have a leg up on everyone else. This year I have 3 Advanced Topics courses (4th time teaching this class) and because I mentioned that my brain was going to mush, I am now teaching pre-calc. The irony, is that I liked teaching Geometry! haha Oh well. It's a new experience, new trial and will bolster my resume! :)

It's been a rainy day here in Charleston, one of the few that we've had all summer - even more glad to have been here rather than in the Mid-Atlantic. Side Note "I used to be commander and chief of my pimp ship flying high..." Does anyone know why the word "ship" is bleeped on the radio? Can't figure it out. Back - So, since it was raining, I framed more photography and really do need to put together a portfolio and start selling them. They are really getting pretty great, many peole have said so. Besides that, I rented 17 Again from redbox. It seemed really weird to watch that type of movie without Jenn, might have to rent it again! Oh my gosh, I was cracking up the whole time. Probably doesnt say much about my maturity level in that I still LOVE those movies, but hey, everyone needs to loosen up and experience the lighter side sometimes. Anyway, time to go move the car.

Time Flies when...

...you're having fun. Sure does! This summer was even extended by a week on either end, giving us a glorious extra two weeks. Thus making vacation last from the last day of work June 4 until Aug 24. That's almost 12 weeks folks! Paid! Spend a few days hanging out with friends in Annapolis, then came to Charleston. Had a few friends (Kenny and Curtis) come to visit. Went to San Francisco to see Annapolis friends, came back to Charleston, went on a cruise to the Bahamas and am now relishing the last just-over-a-week in Charleston then it's back to Annapolis and back to the work grind. Fun! Relaxing! And more importantly revival. The better part of the Spring was spent lost. Not so much directional lost as I tend to feel but spiritually lost and drowning. The church I attended was less and less home. There was no connection. No growth. No desire and yearning for the grace of the Cross. More time this summer has been spent in the Word growing and learning. More so being broken apart and forgiven for the selfishness and lack of focus. The prayer for the school year is that the desire to learn more, trust more, and talk more about the Lord will continue...

I'm on a boat...

Friday 31 July Jennifer and I got in the car and drove 400+ miles south to Cape Canaveral Florida. As we pulled up to the cruise ship (blaring I'M ON A BOAT) the excitement was uncontainable. We boarded the Monarch of the Sea and were off...


After our emergency drill, we showered and took off exploring the ship. We found food, walked all around and then... the casino. I was loosing quarters like it was my job for a while, but ended up in the long run loosing only about $5. It's easy to see how that could become quite addicting. Dinner was interesting as well. The family we sat with was a family of 3, Mike - the older fiance who was always searching for conversation and who used to pay 2 cents for milk when he went to school, Debbie - Mike's fiance who most enjoyed her day floating on a raft, and Ryan - Momma's Boy aka ladies man.

Saturday morning we docked in Nassau. Before disembarking, Jenn and I hit up the pool, only to discover that they were selling Bahama Mamas in Pineapples. So, of course we had to get them!!

After Bahama Mama's, we disembarked only to get on another smaller boat and go snorkeling. The fish were an assortment of colors. There were some that looked like Dori from finding Nemo. When headed back to the shore, the tour guides pointed out celebrity houses all along the coast. It was an incredible list including but not limited to Oprah, Elvis, and Tiger Woods.... These houses do not belong to the Celebs but they are colorful!
The snorkeling was followed by shopping. So, somehow, I am not the proud owner of a burnt orange colored purse. On the outside the bag says D&G, ok it's the wrong font and appears to be snapped on, but its ok.... On the inside, it says Prada. So its the Prada Gabbana bag. Love it! Anyway, the next stop was Senior Frogs for food and drinks. Their drinks were amazing and there was even a bit of dancing to the Macarana!

Sunday was spent in Coco Cay, which is an island privately owned by the Royal Caribbean cruise line. It was fully of vibrant colors and white sandy beaches. Hot.... It was Hot! This had to have been my favorite day. Jenn and I had booked a parasailing adventure. The boat was rocking out to Outkast and others. The first group goes up into the air and as the 2nd gets ready to go, one of the men decides he doesn't want to go. So, Omar (the guy running the boat) asks me to go with the gentleman who still wanted to go. So, of course, I'm up for adventure and say yes. Into the air I go with my new friend. We chatted... a lot. Turns out he's a poultry farmer from India who's on a 14 week vacation with his friend and their wives while his son runs the family business at home. They are going all around the U.S. on a tour, ironically called, "see all of America tour" :) After he and I land, Jenn takes his spot and up I go again. The view was breathtaking. The ocean a brilliant shade of greens and blues; the island far below and two cruise ships out in the water. Once finished, it was time to lay out on the beach with our Coco Loco drinks and soak up the sun!!! Glorious!

Dinner the last night on the boat presented lots of wonderful facts, such as.... you can order as many deserts (or apps or main meals) that you would like. Almost all of us had multiple deserts that night. YUM! Great vacation with a great friend and part of a GREAT summer!

Summer Travels

This has been a summer of travels. Before it started, I really hoped to have the opportunity to visit new places while still relaxing in Charleston. There have been so many blessings this summer and chances that I did not even have in mind. In the beginning on July, I went to Santa Rosa/ San Francisco with Brittany and Marc to visit Brittany's family. Spent time Flying, visiting the Pacific, wine tasting and generally enjoying friends and family. The last day I spent in San Francisco with a friend from College who happens to be travel nursing out there. Great day! Thank you!!!
Took the redeye flight from San Francisco back to Charleston, did laundry, slept and hit the road again to go to a Boat Party in Atlanta.... and yes, it was like the song. "take a picture trick, I'm on a boat bitch, we drinking Santana champ (ok it was Hypnotic). I got my swim trunks and my flippie-floppies, I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's straight flipping copies." The next day we proceeded to go to 6 Flags. Just like summer 07, Jennifer, Curtis, Scott and myself, but this time add Scott's gf and Greg. Good times.
Friday begins the other big trip of the summer. Jennifer and I booked a cruise to the Bahamas. It's a short 3 nights but still very excited about it. On a boat... Apparently we booked the party boat. Awesome. We leave from Port Canaveral and stop in Nassau and Coco Cay. Write more about that soon. Pics to follow.
In other news, I got bit my a spider and apparently that makes my foot swell a lot! The meds have sped me up and sleep eluded me all night! SWEET

Words that Speak...

Three songs have been on repeat lately:

1. God With Us - Tenth Ave North The chorus proclaims, "Yeshua. God of love, Emmanuel, God with us. Yeshua, God of love, Emmanuel, God with us."
Names for God. Yeshua - the God of Love, Emmanuel - God with us... and so many more. They describe attributes of God and His goodness. Repeating these lyrics and spending time praising and rejoicing for a Lord who loves me and is with me. Emmanuel - the notion that God is with us was emphasized in Bible study tonight. Philippians 4: 5 "the Lord is near", Phil 4:7 "the peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds" and Phil 4:9 "And the God of peace will be with you." Three time. Three times Paul reminds us that God is Emmanuel. He is with us!!! Amen.

2. Hallelujah - Tenth Ave North The chorus sings, "Hallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slain. Hallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slain. And so we enter in to see Your face, yeah. We enter in to see Your face, oh God"
I want this to be my mantra. In Bible study we discussed being Thankful and how looking for the positives and thanking the Lord for them, rather than dwelling on the negatives in life can lead us toward contentment. This chorus is a strong proclamation for Christ!!!

3. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks So Maybe this one is off topic. But doesn't love feel like a battlefield? Wow. The chorus this time echos: "Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield? (x2) I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor. I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor. I guess you better go and get your..."
This song gets cranked to decibels that no one should crank their radio to. It gets song aloud to with a passion I rarely emote. Maybe love doesn't need to be a battlefield. Maybe it's destined to be one until the Lord reveals the right man. Right man, that concept has always boggled me. I'm not entirely sure in the notion of "the One." That being said, maybe it needs clarification. People change. This is a true statement. I am sure I'm sold on the notion and the idea that there are people who you love for a time, but because of change, they are not going to be in your life for the long haul. Let's be honest, I've experienced this. There have been two men who have wanted it to be forever, but for some reason I could not find peace in that. What I do believe is that love and commitment takes work. That both people need to be striving to see the Lord, individually and together. That regardless of change, they need to stay committed and seek to grow and change together...

OK enough rambling.

Heat Wave

Another school year ended successfully. This year the students and I learned reciprocally from one another. I taught them mathematical principles, formulas and applications, and then we together learned about life! They were an intense bunch and 3rd period will be greatly missed!!!

Now it's onto a summer hopefully full of adventure!!! I arrived in Charleston, SC about 10 days ago and have been spending quality time catching up with friends. Currently, it's hot. Surprise right? Well, the weather does not typically turn quite so dramatically hot this early in the summer. But the sun is a wonderful change of pace from Annapolis!!! At some point, I really hope to get a chance to travel to Seattle, WA for a few days. The trip itself would is pricey but not outlandish and the opportunity to experience something different and new is priceless.

On Tuesday, Jennifer invited me to her Bible study on the book called "Calm my restless heart." The topic of contentment is greatly intriguing in that true contentment is not something I have felt in a very long time. Life did not end up mimicking the sketch in my head. However, the Lord's plan is larger and better, no matter how difficult that is to accept. The study thus far has been about learning to focus on the positives Christ has put before us rather than focusing on the negatives. While the Lord has shut certain doors in my life, I cannot forget about the large one He has opened in Maryland. A job that I love, with supportive coworkers and wonderful students. They are the ministry now. They are the contentment. They are worth Praise to the Father. That is the path alighted for the present. Contentment. Provision. Thankfulness. Joy. Remembering. Prayer. These facets and strongholds are the strength for today and tomorrow.

Story of the little Lemon Tree

Jesus prunes those He loves. It's temporary pain for a lasting good. At Bible study tonight Denise Duke told a story of the Lemon Tree in California:

"A man had a lemon tree that produced nothing but tiny lemons that were not useful for anything. The tree was getting in the way of the mans' ability to mow his yard and so he decided to prune the tree just about all the way down. Nothing was left of this tree but the tiny trunk. However, after a season the tree began to grow and flourish. Much to the mans' chagrin, the tree was not a lemon tree, but rather a beautiful grapefruit tree."

The point of the story, is that God does this with us. Sometimes He needs to cut us down, almost to the point of nothingness in order to become what we were truly meant to be.

Respect

I recently told a friend that he was no longer worthy of my respect. While this statement seems harsh, it is true. However, the point here is if the same standard that a friend was judged by were to be turned on me, would I pass or fail? What makes someone worthy of respect? Morals? Strength of Character? Their Word? Trustworthiness? Kindness? Gentleness? Self-Control... (yes, many of these are Fruits of the Spirit). If I were to test myself, I would fail as well. That realization is difficult to swallow, but necessary. Like a giant pill the doctors give. If you don't suck it up and swallow it you will never improve. The same goes for myself, If I don't take a hard look at my behavior and swallow the truth, I will never improve and become who I say I am (or who I really want to be). The temperament I possess is not glorifying, but rather demeaning to others, harsh and unkind most of the time. While the sweet side is there, it has been suppressed. Spiritually, I have been far from the Lord lately, and the distinct possibility that the two things are linked is becoming obvious. Praying for closeness and a change of heart...

18 months later...

18 Months has passed since my last post, which means that most likely anyone who read this before, no longer does. Therefore, my musing are safer than originally thought. Much has changed: seasons of life, locations, music, friends, love.

Seasons of Life: After teaching 2 years at Spalding, I have come to love it there. The students bring on incredible stress but the reward and encouragement from being around them is immeasurable. I can't even imagine having a job in which I am not surrounded by tons of high schoolers who have such drama in their lives; honestly, it makes my drama seem minuscule compared to the emotion and intensity in which they feel their drama. So, I am returning for a third year. Who would have ever though?!?!? GO CAVS!

Location: Ashley and I lived in an amazing, although quirky (to say the least) apartment downtown Annapolis last year. It was wonderful to be able to walk everywhere and the sites around Annapolis that I had not discovered (in 20+ years of living there) blew me away. The park behind Duke of Gloucester Street brought refuge, beauty and a great place for Saturday afternoon guitar playing. Currently, I am back in Charleston for the summer (the apartment that always calms my heart) and looking for somewhere else to live in Annapolis.

Music: I have taken up guitar. Since November I have been struggling to learn chords and strumming pattens. Poor Ashley and John (the neighbor below our apartment) who had to listen to those hours of terrible sounds that cant even be qualified as music. However, as time has progressed, so has my skills. I can now deftly maneuver through many chords. While plucking is still a mere dream, most common songs (without certain sharps and flats) can easily be sight read! Oh the progress that persistence brings.

Friends - Marriage, babies, friends... What has not happened in the past 18 months. Brittany and Marc got married, Mary got married and Jennifer Beaton as well. Wow, Jennifer Hunt-Taylor. Married in Glasgow Scotland. The wedding that simultaneously blew you away with the depth of love, beauty and beginning of a new life and made you cry for the fact that such an amazing friend will not be living across the Atlantic ocean. However, God is good and provides SKYPE so that Saturday Phone Dates can continue as they have for the past 6 years. God also allowed Catherine and I the great fortune to be able to attend the wedding. How blessed we both were from that entire week! Friends - Many new friends have been made, Annapolis is growing on me once again as I am finding a church home and becoming involved with the adults there. Yet another blessing from the Lord!!!

Love - Hmm that is the tricky topic isn't it? 18 months ago I was still getting over the heartbreak of loosing your first real love. Time really does change doesn't it? He and I saw each other one afternoon in June only to discover how much we had changed and how we no longer felt those intense feelings for one another anymore. Actually, it was me who still had twinges of nostalgia and love for him. However, there have been many potential men since then and yes, at this stage in life, the family continually reminds me that they were married by my age and having children... and the favorite "we are all praying hard for you to find a husband." Never sure how to react to that one: 1) Rejoice at having a family that cares so deeply that they pray to the Almighty Lord for a husband for me or 2) Oh gesh, they think I am behind the ball and need to be married! In a husband, I truly yearn for someone who wants to know the Lord and to lead our family toward Christ. Someone who spurs me on toward a deeper faith and who I can spur on as well! Currently, I have found a great man: caring, sweet, funny, nerdy in the same ways as me, yet outgoing as well. It is crazy, we have known each other for barely 2 weeks and yet I have never been more comfortable around someone in my entire life. Does he have that same desire for someone who loves the Lord with all their heart and soul and mind and strength? Then I take a look at my life, do I have that desire? Where is the flame? Have I hid it away? Lord, let that fire burn bright for you so that it is noticeable!

Ever wonder where you're going?

So I've been wondering a lot lately where life is taking me? I have this job that I love teaching at Spalding, but not many friends in the area and no idea of how to connect better. There are high school friends, but I mean adult friends. Mike said yesterday that it's like our pool for friends has changed. The privilege of constantly being around peers is gone. The people I want to be with are still in Charleston. The job is in Maryland. It's likely that 1,000's of people before me have had this dilemma. I cant find the friends here, but cant find the job there. Ack. Direction is needed. I feel so, alone up here but yet am tired of saying I feel alone and need to take action. What action that is, is still to be determined. Living at home is part of the problem, but moving out would mean being alone alone. There needs to be connection somewhere. I've been feeling disconnected from the friends in SC, and maybe thats because of the distance. Or the lack of their calling and the frustration I've felt over always being the one who calls. Much prayer is needed. That is also something that has been lacking. I have not been going to the Lord and talking, or seeking direction, or really anything but feeling sorry for myself, and where does that get you? no where.

Dear Friend...

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-class cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit-Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get my room key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin, prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you

bon jovi

I spent twenty years trying to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing I've ever known
Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

I been there, done that
But I ain't looking back on the seeds I've sown
Saving dimes spending too much time on the telephone
Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back
I been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I lived a million miles of memories on that road
With every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy
But not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known
Who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go home
I been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Who says you can't go home

I been there, done that and I ain't looking back
It's been a long, long road
Feels like I never left, that's how the story goes

It doesn't matter where you are, It doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles away or just ten miles up the road
Take it in , Take it with you when you go
Who says you can't go home?

Rascal Flatts - Stand

You feel like a candle in a hurricane Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless Like you've lost your fight
But you’ll be alright But you’ll be alright

Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up, Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong, Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong, Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Yeah then you stand.

Everytime you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh

Cause when push comes to shove, You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break, cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up, Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Yeah then you stand. Yeah

Decisions

Hey,
it's been a really long time since I wrote in here. Almost forgot how theraputic it can be. They say college is the best time of your life, and I'm seriously tempted to believe that. But, what about the sides they dont tell you about? What about the fear and anxiety that plagues second semester seniors about life after graduation? We all pretend that its just fun and that procrastination is a great thing, and it be perfectly honest, thats a HUGE part of life, but its not nearly all of it. Graduation is a mere 32 ... ok make that now 31 days away, and yeah and AHHHH! What the heck am I supposed to do? Grad school is there, and I'm accepted to at least one at the moment. A great shcool; the Citadel. Hopefully the letter from UMBC will be arriving soon as well. But then comes the tough part, the decision. So here are the pro/cons for both

Citadel Pro's:

• staying in charleston... which is a place I love!
  
• if I want to be in SC eventually, this school will get me a great job here
• inexpensive instate if I can get it... like 200 a credit hour for graduate students
• beach
  

Citadel Con's:

• applied simply to not have to move
• not really a school I want to go to
• 2 years of classes, then a semster of student teaching... aka 2.5 year program
• possible out-of-state tuition
  

UMBC Pro's:

• more well-known school (but does that matter for a MAT degree?!?!)
  
• 2 year program
• instate tuition
  
• snow
  

UMBC Con's:

• leaving Charleston
• leaving the life I built here
• being close to home

Other things to consider, I dont really know what or where I really want to be eventually. I love both places... What do you do when you've been praying for direction from the Lord, but you dont see it? Do you just keep praying or is it that both decisions are good ones? Dono.

on a different note, I'm reading this book called "discover the power in the prayers of Paul" and this was in there for yesterday:

Father, In Jesus' name I give thanks that You are the God of hope and that by drawing near to You and coming to know You better each day, You are causing overflowing hope to grow in my heart so that I might experience the depths of Your peace and the height of Your joy, even as I learn to trust You more fully every day, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Lord, that the more I learn to trust in You, the more the Holy Spirit, by His power, opens the floodgates of Your hope into my life. I receive Your anointing of hope right now. Amen

I just thought that was really cool to read especially when in such a lost place in life. So that is not only my prayer for myself, but for everyone of my friends in the same place!

All Those Days Are Gone by JLC

All those days are gone
So she falls asleep every night just before dawn
And closes her eyes as the sun starts to rise
'Cause all those days are gone

Sometimes she pretends
The sun it has finally begun to come to an end
Luminous nights of lonely streetlights
Sometimes she likes to pretend

She said that everybody wants to be here
Here where there's no one else around

Pull down all the shades
And try to forget how all of the memories fade
Memories that bled A curtain bright red
Time to pull down the shades

She said that everybody wants to be here
Here where there's no one else around
All those days are gone

As far as the stars are away from the midday sun
Memories so bright In a spinning twilight
But all those days are gone

She said everybody wants to be here
Here where there's no one else around
I'll trade the moon for the sun but this feeling for no one
She said that everybody wants to be here

All those days are gone
As far as the stars are away from the midday sun

Thoughts

Whoever said "it is better to have loved and lost than never love at all" that person was right!

Also, pray hard from 12:15-1:30. Test of doom! Symmertry of Differential Equations! Mark and I are gonna rock out though bc we spent 5 hours studying in the library yesterday! Ok, cya

"black horse and a cherry tree" kt tunstall

Two, three, four

(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)

Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking.
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)

I fell in fear, upon my back
I said don't look back, just keep on walking.
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
When the big black horse that looked this way,
Said hey lady, will you marry me?
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)

But I said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me

(ooooo,woo-hoo)

And my heart had a problem, in the early hours,
So it stopped it dead for a beat or two.
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done that,
And it won't forgive me after all these years
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)

So I sent her to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree.
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
Now it won't come back , cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see
(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)

But it said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no,no-no-no
Said no, no, you're not the one for me

(ooooo,woo-hoo) (not the one for me, yeah)
(ooooo,woo-hoo)
Said no,no, no,no, no, no, no
You're not the one for me
Said no,no, no,no, no, no, no
You're not the one for me

Big black horse and a cherry tree
I can't quite get there cause they've all forsaken me
Big black horse and a cherry tree
I can't quite get there cause they've all forsaken me

On My Own

No, this is not a lyrical post for the great song from Les Mis... Currently, I've been having panic about the future, graduation and life on the other side of college. It has been flying past, and at this rate, I'll be 50 before I get the chance to blink! Been fighting the thought that everything will change on May 7, 2006. Being thrown into life. Life that isn't known... so I revert to the poem I wrote on the airplane ride back from visiting Calvin after I left... "unsteadily, unconfidently I tread this common ground" but eventually, as the poem says, it will all change and "steadily, confidently I tread this common ground" One day, even the future will be known and familiar.

Spring break is coming. Do I go unconfidently ahead to spain? Or do I try to spend the last spring break of my life with my friends from here? Decisions are hard. Life is becoming a series of decisions....

On a lighter note, the past 2 weekends have been absolutely amazing. 2 weekends ago was CONVERGE. It was the single greatest retreat I have gone to while in college. It brought focus back to the Lord and drew me out of the pit of quicksand I had so easily leaped into (the pit of my own desires and plans). Then this weekend I saw two movies: Annapolis (though it was wonderful, it was so inaccurate! haha) and End of the Spear. If you could go see any movie... go see that one! It's the story of Jim Elliot and his trying to reach this people group in central america I believe. It goes on to depict the effect his dying had on that people group as well as his own family. Truly moving... if you dont believe me... ask the citadel boys with us who were "not crying, but fixing their contacts" riiiiiiight!

Also, life has been going really well lately. My 22nd birthday was great fun. Wednesday, Linds, Leigh-Ann and I went to Wild Wings and that was great! Then on my bday, Leigh-Ann, Jennifer, Nan, Rach and I went to California Dreamin'. Though I didnt get drunk as most do on their bday, it was really great. All I wanted was to spend some quality time with the people that I really love, and that was what we did!

Other than bday fun, the main part is that I've been learning so much from the Word. Been delving into it and coming out with meat! Learning about being "constantly in prayer" and you know what... thats darn hard! It's cool to be sitting there or something and be like "oh yeah... constant prayer" and just take a second to pray... this is not something that can be done with pride. So along with it, must be the... YOU ARE GOD and I AM NOT mantra!!!! To be honest, its a really moving mantra!!!