Sunday March 21, 2004
So I must confess that I have not been using this journal for it's intended purpose. I started it to write about how God was impacting my life... And the majority of the entries lately haven't been close to that. Maybe that, in a way, depicts the journey my life has taken as of late. South Carolina is becoming more and more fun. There are a plethora of friends to hang out with, homework to keep me busy forever, and then a job on top of that. So, in a way that's great, life hasn't been spiraling out of control like a plane in a deep unrecoverable spin, which is quite nice. However, it also has caused me to become complacent. That old lie, "I can take care of myself" has been whispering itself continually into my ear and I have been listening. But the funny thing is lies are always wrong, even if it does seem like "I can take care of myself." Jesus is the Sustainer. He is the only reason that anything is ok. On the radio "I've always loved you" by Third Day came on. The lyrics really struck me...
"Don't you know I've always loved you, Even before there was time. Though you turn away I'll tell you still. Don't you know I've always loved you and I always will. Greater love has not a man than the one who gives his life to prove that he would do anything and that's what I'm going to do for you" God loves me even when I turn. He stays the steady constant, while my life ebbs and flows like the waves. I've always seen myself as a very solid person, one who wouldn't waver and though outwardly I can appear steadfast, inwardly its all brokendown. But, to use more Third Day lyrics: "Set this place (my heart) on fire, Send you spirit, Savior. Rescue from the mire, Show Your servant favor. Yesterday was the day that I was alone. Now I'm in the presence of Almighty God and yes our God, He is a consuming fire!!! And the flames burn down deep in my soul. Yes our God He is a consuming fire He reaches inside and He melts down this cold heart of stone." That is my prayer. Dear Father, reach into my heart and change it from stone into one on fire for you, Lord. Let Your presence be seen and known to and through me. Take my supercilious mind and make it all about You, because in Truth it is all about You, Jesus."

Saturday March 20, 2004
A great Toby Keith song. Read the lyrics and see if it applies to you. Thank anyone you know who is in the military for their sacrifice!!!

I'm just trying to be a father, Raise a daughter and a son,
Be a lover to their mother, Everything to everyone.

Up and at 'em bright and early I'm all in my business suit,
Yeah, I'm dressed for success from my head down to my boots,
I don't do it for money, there's still bills that I can't pay,
I don't do it for the glory, I just do it anyway,
Providing for our future's my responsibility

Yeah I'm real good under pressure, being all that I can be,
And I can't call in sick on Mondays when the weekends been too strong,
I just work straight through the holidays, and sometimes all night long.

You can bet that I stand ready when the wolf growls at the door,
Hey, I'm solid, hey I'm steady, hey I'm true down to the core,
And I will always do my duty, no matter what the price,
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice,

Oh, and I don't want to die for you, But if dyin's asked of me,
I'll bear that cross with an honor, Cause freedom don't come free.

I'm an american soldier, an american,
Beside my brothers and my sisters I will proudly take a stand,
When liberty's in jeopardy I will always do what's right,
I'm out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight.
American soldier, I'm an American,
An American, An American Soldier.

Wednesday March 17, 2004
HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!
So spring break is over and I've been back in Charleston for a few day... and this is what's been going on:
Monday:
CAR STORY: Ok, so after arriving back on Sunday with Beth (haha good times) a car was parked in my parking spot. So I parked in another one of course. When leaving for class Monday morning, the car was still there in my spot. But when I got back from class... My poor Josephine was no where to be found. It had been towed. The company was going to charge me $150 to get it back! What the heck!!!! So after explaining to the company what happened w/a car being in my spot and all he gave it back to me for free. So I tipped the guy 20 bucks. Which was chill right? But my car had no gas in it at all. After the drive back, I pulled in and the tank was below E. Well, they took my civic way up past the Ghetto in N Charleston. AHH the car was sputtering as I pulled it into the gas station. I felt so bad for my lil baby. She drove me here safely all the way from MD and then I got her towed.
BBALL: The BCM Ballers had our last game on Monday at 10pm. We lost, but that's not the point. We lost by less this time than we did last time to this team! So it was a great game. Fun and entertaining, just like it should be.
SOFTBALL: OUR FIRST GAME IS TOMORROW. THURSDAY at 3:45!!! YEAH BUDDY!

ok that's enough rambling. nite

Tuesday March 9, 2004
So today was pretty sweet!! Took the Z3 to the shop, and then drove it around for like 30 min or so. ahhh that car is so tight. Cant you all see me driving around in a tiny lil sports convertible? BC I def. Can! Then Julie and I quickly stopped by aacs to see some people. Then I watched TV and took a "nap." Ok, the nap lasted from like 2:30-6. haha yikes for sleeping tonight. Then momma and I went to dinner.
But the best part was probably just sitting outside starbucks w/Kristi just talking. I'm such a fan of being able to sit and discuss everything and nothing at all! But brr I was numb all the way home haha! Hey Kristi - the Jack Johnson CD's are so tight!
I am so excited for tomorrow: haircut day! haha. Hope everyone is having/had/ or will have a great spring break!!!!
I just want to clarify yesterday's post. Karen, if you have checked this, I was frustrated about how the situation went down yes, but I do still hope that you 2 had a good time and that you have fun at home!

Tuesday March 9, 2004
Hmm.. SPRING BREAK!!! So Karen was here with me for some of it. Today we went to Baltimore and walked around. Kinda chilled in Barnes and Noble and then went on board a lot of the ships there. On the TARNES (coast guard ship from pearl harbor) a guy from the NTSB was saying how they still haven't found the bodies from the water taxi that flipped in the Inner Harbor on Saturday. Sketchy. So then we came home just in time to go off to TGIFriday's with my parents. Haha, they drilled her on Africa with 1,000's of questions. It was kinda funny to watch that. I'm so glad she came and got to see the real me. It's kinda different from the Charleston me! My dogs liked her too which was fun!

However, today ended on a different note. Josiah called about when to come get her, and ended up convincing her that he should come tonight. So, of course, she did what he wanted. It was like 11 and I was in PJs and it was just kinda rude and insensitive. So I'm upset, yeah, and frustrated. Kinda feel shafted. Irritated. But I am praying that God will take this anger and hurt I am feeling and get rid of it. Because anger can do nothing but harm. While she was upstairs packing, I just sat downstairs and talked to Nan who helped point me to the Lord. So I just prayed to Him, seeking His advice. He was completely with me when I went up to her to talk... Because everything I said was not something I would have normally said. I told her I was angry and that I hope its not unrepairable anger. Also that I would do this for her because she is my friend and its what she wanted. Finally, that she cant be mad at him (like she said she was) because ultimately, it was her who made the decision to allow him to come. So, continual prayer for this friendship would be much appreciated since it is one that I want to keep growing. I love her, you know, and she was upset about how she abruptly left me when we drove up to meet Josiah and was confused about how to handle that relationship. So hopefully she can just figure out what she wants to do with herself and that God will just use me in anyway needed to be whatever she needs me to be!!

So this is a long entry, sue me! I have a lot to say! :) Mom let me drive the Z3 CONVERTIBLE ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!! SO MUCH FUN! I get to drive it again tomorrow bc it needs to have its belts checked, but who cares the reason, I GET TO DRIVE THE SPORTS CAR!!!!!! Did anyone notice that the mints from TGIFridays have funny sayings on them? Like: "Your friends will thank you for this" "don't drop me outside. I have being run over" and "Yukon I could have ended up on a pillow" That seems to me to be just the oddest/funniest thing ever!! haha makes me laugh. Well time for bed. til next time...

Sunday March 7, 2004 or Maybe its Monday March 8, 2004?

I dono, It's about midnight, so whatever you wana call it is fine. But ITS SPRING BREAK! I've been home since Friday night. I love home, and I love my puppies. It's nice to be back to a place I know so well and fell just comfortable in. Karen came up with me. She's staying til Tuesday. Saturday we went and walked down Main Street, then it poured, and I mean POURED so we went to the mall, but of course the sun came out then, so we went back downtown and went onto the Naval Academy and she now understands why I cant even compare the Citadel guys to it. Not even a possible comparison. Today we went to church then to DC w/kristi. It was a blast, getting lost in the ghetto (whoa!!!) and then going up the Washington Monument for the first time. Though I have to say, Karen knew more about the city than Kristi and I did, and we've lived here forever... Sad! :) Ok, well I'm pretty tired, but just wanted to give an update on the break! til next time...