Sunday March 21, 2004
So I must confess that I have not been using this journal for it's intended purpose. I started it to write about how God was impacting my life... And the majority of the entries lately haven't been close to that. Maybe that, in a way, depicts the journey my life has taken as of late. South Carolina is becoming more and more fun. There are a plethora of friends to hang out with, homework to keep me busy forever, and then a job on top of that. So, in a way that's great, life hasn't been spiraling out of control like a plane in a deep unrecoverable spin, which is quite nice. However, it also has caused me to become complacent. That old lie, "I can take care of myself" has been whispering itself continually into my ear and I have been listening. But the funny thing is lies are always wrong, even if it does seem like "I can take care of myself." Jesus is the Sustainer. He is the only reason that anything is ok. On the radio "I've always loved you" by Third Day came on. The lyrics really struck me...
"Don't you know I've always loved you, Even before there was time. Though you turn away I'll tell you still. Don't you know I've always loved you and I always will. Greater love has not a man than the one who gives his life to prove that he would do anything and that's what I'm going to do for you" God loves me even when I turn. He stays the steady constant, while my life ebbs and flows like the waves. I've always seen myself as a very solid person, one who wouldn't waver and though outwardly I can appear steadfast, inwardly its all brokendown. But, to use more Third Day lyrics: "Set this place (my heart) on fire, Send you spirit, Savior. Rescue from the mire, Show Your servant favor. Yesterday was the day that I was alone. Now I'm in the presence of Almighty God and yes our God, He is a consuming fire!!! And the flames burn down deep in my soul. Yes our God He is a consuming fire He reaches inside and He melts down this cold heart of stone." That is my prayer. Dear Father, reach into my heart and change it from stone into one on fire for you, Lord. Let Your presence be seen and known to and through me. Take my supercilious mind and make it all about You, because in Truth it is all about You, Jesus."