Out of Control

Do you ever feel like life has spun away from you? Like the world is going round and round but you are just sitting there watching it? Maybe there has been too much going on, I dono. But there is this apathy towards everying and everyone. Maybe it's pms and I'm sure thats a part of it but not all. Feeling homesick yet finding that strange. Part of it has to be because of my grandparents. Even though things are settling a little, it's so hard to be here and really long to be there with them and for them. Can't focus on homework, class or anything else. Just want to sleep and sleep a lot (maybe forever... maybe not). Hate that I feel this way. Sure, it's depression creaping in and I realize this. However, I am working on it and getting help. Why are some people more prone towards this than others? I really just want to sit and talk with Karen for hours and I wish Nan was here. I'm so incredibly happy for her. Maybe it's selfish, but it's hard to talk to her. To realize how far away she is, To know that in reality I'm not in her life and she's not in mine. I guess it kinda just sucks to have worked so hard at that friendship, to have made it as deep as it is. It's like I'm stuck in this weird place right now. Ok, well since no one reads this I dont feel bad about writing this, its theraputic. Haha. Ok, well off to homework