Ponder

Hey,
so long discussions with Kate rock! Also, Amiga, I really wana come to Greece, so count me in! No changing, no qualms, no discussion... Let's do it! So, she's come to the conclusion that I'm terrified to let myself feel strongly! Maybe she's right. But why would that be? I think about him and get all butterflies in my stomach and at the same time he can make me so amazingly angry. But if it's true that I am scared, how do you get over that? How do you free yourself to just let go... And fall? Falling can potentially hurt, and I don't know if after the year my family has had if my heart is strong enough for that possibility. People are pairing off, but does that mean that I'm ready? Yes and no. Ready and terrified, is that something that goes together? I dono. [Also, as an aside (Kate, sorry for backing into your jeep! Why does that only happen when with you!?!?!?) haha thanks for being cool about it, and amazingly nothing showed on either of our cars. Yeah for the bumpers actually working! ] Ok, back to the real discussion. I'm of the opinion that no one reads this, which is fine, it means I can write and vent honestly. But if someone does happen to read this and has any advice on this subject... I would greatly appreciate it. Can't things just go simply at their own pace? Why must people always hint at the future, a future that I'm trying my hardest to avoid. Graduation and life and adulthood and all that ensues from that shakes me to the very core. So maybe essentially that is the problem. Maybe I'm not scared of him and what could potentially be there, but of the future... He seems ready for it and anticipating it, and me, well I'm pretending that it's not less than 4 months away! Ok there ya go. I psycho-analyzed myself.