Monday December 29, 2003
Well, It seems that I've entered a pensive mood. Haven't had one in quite a while, but maybe its the chill of the air or the scent of my house that is just reviving so many memories and triggering thoughts I thought I had put asunder. Apparently, the problem with my foot is that all cartiledge between the bones is all inflamed, what a lovely thought. By not walking and such, it will heal slowly... So, I've of course been walking all around at work! Oh well! C'est la vie. Found this old incubus cd today, well just now actually. Maybe that's augmenting my already morose mood. The mood might not be quite to the morose point, but edging more on that perspective than dreamy pensiveness! Today I saw Cheaper by the Dozen. It was really cute, ok, really, the guy from Smallville was cute, but the movie was charming. OH, "warning" is playing... as per expected my favorite lyrics are:
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly, count your blessings, seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy? Kudos to those who see through sickness.

When she woke in the morning she knew that her life had passed her by.
And she called out a warning, "Don't ever let life pass you by."

I feel caught in a haze here. All semester I just wanted home. Wanted it so badly that I could smell it and feel it and "be" there in my mind whenever I wanted. I feel torn between the 2 worlds. Home, the memory of how it was/should be. School, the life I'm attempting to mold from nothing. The memories are so strong and vivid and real, yet the reality is not living up to those utopian reputations. I want both; Both worlds to meld into one unequivocally wonderful place. Where the realities of people I've known forever can be the same as they used to be (or transform into something we're all comfortable with), and that I don't have to compromise between them and the new tangible-relationships being formed.

That was quite verbose idea. Maybe a little too 25cent-wordish. What can I say, I have a surprisingly large vocabulary hidden behind all the simple jargon of everyday life. Once again, I'm expounding too many thoughts. Yet, my mind keep going back to that one time and place. It's done, finished, and I shut the door, but maybe I shouldn't have left the light on in the room that I shut the door to. Because it's continually calling me back... back to what? Devoidness, a place I don't want to return to (or do I?), no no I don't want to go there again. Why do I should like such a girl... I'm usually so tough and jaded about these types of situations. And I have moved on. Maybe I want them to know I'm okay, or show them I'm okay. Crazy huh? Whoa, need to get off this deranged topic that will bring nothing but nonsense and yeah, well, nevermind. Maybe I will go for a drive and clear my head...

Saturday December 27, 2003
Christmas has come and went. In a flurry of opening presents and dashing to speak with one relative or the next, it was great to just pause and look around at what was going on. Family members that don't usually get along were laughing and smiling, my dogs were getting quietly fed under the dining room table and everyone was laughing. It was so nice to just be with family for a day. Christmas eve was amazing too. Wrapped presents and slept a little, then I went over to Jen's house for dinner and somehow fell asleep during A CHRISTMAS STORY. Oh well, it was on for 24 hours straight and so I caught it a few more times! I woke up Christmas morning and my foot was really hurting, couldn't quit figure how it got injured while sleeping. So finally today, mom forced me to go to the doctor who informed me that when you walk the bones in your foot separate, and the tendants are all inflamed causing the oh-too-familiar sprain bruising along with sharp shooting pains when I walk. joy-oh-joy! Even got a doctors note not to go to work today! Ok, well that should be enough rambling today. Hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Tuesday December 23, 2003
Ok, the last entry was wrong, today was the best day home! I got to sleep all day, which I think is the quintessential definition of vacation. After the worst day ever at the ebar I finally went to bed around 1:30 or 2, then got the wonderful chance to sleep til 1030. Then later I went to the store and came back and slept all day. OH PRECIOUS SLEEP! Tomorrow is Christmas eve. I'm so excited because for a change my church is having a candle light service at 11pm, and I love candle light services more than any other! Maybe its because I'm addicted to fire and candles or maybe just because we used to go to Christmas Eve service late at night and I'd get to open a present because when we got home it was Christmas morning. Either way, they're so fun!! Well, Christmas is in 2 days, crazy huh? I cant wait for the Christmas eve candle light service tomorrow. They are my favorite!! Well, the scent of the pie mom is making is making it hard to concentrate so I'm off...

Sunday December 21, 2003
Today was probably my favorite day home so far! At Church the sermon was on Luke 1: 26-56, which is exactly the same as it was at Citadel Square last week! What a coincidence! Well, after a WONDERFUL nap (which I might add, best part of being home... NAPS!!!) Jen came over. We just kinda chilled and hung out. Then we went back to the club, where we got freaked out over Thanksgiving and just watched the sunset over the water. Then had another wrestling match, and, yes, she kicked my butt. Then, right after she left, KT rolled up. And it was so great to see her. Every single thing that had been off between our friendship the past few months was gone. It was like we were like best friends again. Even saying the same phrases at the same time again [AHHH :) ] But, man, every fear I had about home was coming true, about people changing and it not being able to be the same. But it was, we are still changing but somehow changing together! Even chillin with Katie Kern was *stimulating* as usual! Always an eventful time around Katie. Anyways, the tv is calling my name and so I'm going to go watch it now. 4 days left to get right w/God before Christmas

Still Thursday December 18, 2003
Ok, so now its like 9:15 and I just came across this quote:
If you have one or more close friends, consider yourself truly blessed. If you don't, ask God to send someone(s) like that into your life, and focus on being a good friend to those around you.
So, I guess, thats an amazing quote now, as I am feeling distant and separated from my friends. There are a few, those who to this day, suprise me by the fact that they have stuck by! God has given me the greatest gift by having you in my life still. You say that I'm good at keeping in touch with you, well, to me, it doesnt seem like effort to keep in touch with the people who continually help aim my thoughts towards the cross. So, thanks for that friendship that endures!

Thursday December 18, 2003
Well, its like 7pm and I've been off work for about an hour. What has become of that place? Do people not know how to make coffee anymore bc I'm pretty sure its not that hard to rinse out the shot puller thingy (there's a technical name, but I'm too tired to recall it!) But it is cool to see all my old Nordstrom people, even if sketchy Aaron is stalking me again!?!?
So, I had this fear that coming home would be very different and its different and yet the same all at once. The routine and stuff are the same, but the relationships with people aren't. Maybe I feel this way bc a lot of my friends aren't home yet, maybe its because I haven't really talked to them in months and am possibly scared of what to say around them, or maybe its pms... or just possibly all of those reasons rolled into one. Ever have one of those times in life where you just cant find your nitche? I think I'm in that place. What a happy Christmas thought!!
Can I say how cute it was this morning to be surrounded by 3 soundly-sleeping dogs!?!? Andy was snoring, Casey was just kinda passed out, and Daisy was having some kinda crazy dream where she was chasing something because she was running in her sleep! AWWWW Well anyways, I'm gonna roll out, but hope that everyone has a wonderful break and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Monday December 15, 2003
So, I've been home for about 2 hours now. Exams complete, drive finished. Whoa, what a crazy semester. Time really changes things, but hopefully somethings will remain an ever-present constant. God says he is unchanging, and to me, right now, that seems like the best characteristic He could have. In a world where, when in the short time it takes to turn around, everything has changed, God never does! He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. My personality is developing into maturity, and therefore I am no longer the same person, my friends aren't the same people, but God is still constant. AMEN! So to my friends at home: With God as our foundation, our relationships are bound to still work (and grow) because the foundation hasn't changed! And to my friends at Charleston: thanks for this semester. You all have saved me and hopefully I've been there for "ya'll" too! With our foundations firmly intact, I anxiously await seeing you again! Don't be strangers over break! Christ is my firm foundation, in Him I find refuge and strength. He is the friend that will never leave!

Saturday December 13, 2003
Whoa 4 exams done 1 left. In about 48 hours I'll be back in annapolis. Back to my other life. What a strange concept. 2 different lives. Way excited to be around my friends, yet sad to be leaving my friends. Torn. Hmm. THis is gonna be the shortest entry ever, bc exams have wracked my ability to write anything resembling a real sentence. But yeah, no deep thoughts now. maybe later

Wednesday December 10, 2003
Exams began today. Spanish is over, easiest final ever. Tomorrow at 8AM its philosophy time! You know, that class is probably one of my favorites. Discussing the existence of God and ethics in a class that is incredibly secular is facinating.
God is working in mysterious ways I think, mysterious to me anyway. Tonight I had dinner with Rachel, which was really fun. She's my lil sis! Except that our "anchor parents" dont ever really get in touch with us. But its amazing to watch God just developing a relationship between us through the most random ways! We even went on a spur of the moment coffee run to save a great friend from utter exam doom! But of course, she's a smartie and will get an A even without studying!
So tomorrow is a day filled with Astronomy. Right after the philosophy exam, Shannon is going to teach me astronomy, and boy is she the best astronomy professor ever!!!. Then later, I think Stephen and I are cramming again! Too much astro for 1 day! but it's all good!

The verse that categorizes exams is: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9
The song that categorizes exams is: I still believe in ignorance as my best defense. So go on, wreck me ~Matchbox20

Tuesday December 9, 2003
READING DAY! So exams start tomorrow, well my Spanish exam is tomorrow at 8am, but then the rest of the day is devoted to studying for philosophy! Somehow, I haven't studied much for Spanish, yet am incredibly unconcerned about it. Do you ever have those moments, where no matter what happens, its cool? That's kinda how exams are feeling. I'm not stressed or blazé. Weird.
So for as much as I hated Charleston, it's really starting to grow on me. Though its got its flaws, doesnt everywhere though? It almost feels strange that the people here that I've only known for about 3 months, I wont see for another month. The people that I've grown to depend on will lead other lives, back to "normalacy" (whatever that is).
The funniest thing ever happened today, yeah it was. Back, a lifetime ago, Justin would always trip over the flat path of Calvin's campus and say that he almost died, well today, Karen almost died then! We were simply walking down the steps, when outta nowhere, she started to fall! She was pratically upside-down... feet in the air, when she caught hold of the railing and saved herself for utter humiliation. However, I couldnt stop laughing! It was so great. Made even better by the lady a few steps below her who would have certainly falled victum to a tumbling C of C student! Oh how great that would have been!
4 DAYS UNTIL THE DAY OF DEATH! Astronomy, then western civ!! But then, its over! NICE! SHOUT OUT TO MY NAPTOWNERS! Cant wait to see ya'll!! So, I should stop procrastinating, because thats what I'm writing, to escape the impending doom of the books, but alas, must study. God- May You grant me, and everyone else, the endurance to perservere through this last week of exams and keep us focused on not only the fleeting details of our schoolwork, but mainly keep our focus on You Lord! In Your name... amen

Sunday December 7, 2003
Today was a very random day, yet at the same time, entertainingly cute. So at church Karen met her anchor family and they invited both of us to lunch! How fun to get to go to lunch in N. Charleston with people we dont even know! Whoa baby, so much better than microwaved food! Anyways, last night we were listening to the cd Spoken For by Mercy Me in the car and so of course I had to play it more today... So while running the 2nd song called "Here am I" came on. It hit me how the song and the messages in BCM have been intertwined lately. They both are all about being willing to let God use you. The lyrics to the chorus are:

"Whom shall I send? Who will go for me? To the ends of the earth Who will rise up for their King? Here am I, send me. Here am I, send me

I wanna proclaim the love of Jesus in all I do and say, Unashamed Whom shall I send? Who will go for me? To the ends of the earth Who will rise up for their King Here am I, send me. Here am I, send me!"

Do I eminate a willingness to be used by God? Or do I just go through the church motions? Because sometimes I think I'm searching Him out, yet in actuality, its just the motions! Maybe God is using me, thats a pretty cool thought! The all-powerful ruler of the universe who is my friend and who wants to spread His message to those around me! What a priviledge!!! God truly is my Yahweh Tsidkenu

So on another topic: A very special person told me that I was one of "the best random things God has ever done for them" but to that person, who I know will read this: Thank you so much for making me smile, for seeing through my hard exterior to who I really am and for blessing me each and every day! All I can say is Thanks, which doesnt quite seem enough, but it's all I know how to give! So, Thanks!!!

Christmas is soon, very very soon, is your heart in the right frame of mind for it? Is mine? Only 18 days to get it straight!!! To Naptown: cant wait to see ya'll!

Tuesday December 2, 2003
Today was my last day of Tuesday classes for this semester! Last day of the torment of having 4 long classes, horribly dispersed pointedly throughout the day in a way so as to never really get anything accomplished between classes! However, in order to add to the joyousness of this occasion (which should be marked and celebrated forever!) Kristin (who has, if possible, the exact same excellent taste in music that I have :) !) had me download this song that I have absolutely fallen in love with, if that's possible, which I think is absolutely possible! The song is called "Out Of My League" by the amazingly talented Stephen Speaks. The lyrics are comparable to "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds which I think I've also mentioned! Well, the chorus is a melodic blend of piano and a solo male voice that rings out with words destined to make everygirl a little wistful!
"it's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away. And the feeling that I'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way. All the times I have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair. And she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say, cause I love her with all that I am! And my voice shakes along with my hands cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but I'd rather be here than on land! Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need and I'm out of my league once again!"
Does anyone know where this semester went? It feels like a drifting dream. It was forever ago that Katie and I would sit and lay on our beach rafty things and just talk for hours. Or Manda and I would fight for the good raft! Gesh a whip, but then again, it seems like yesterday, like a tangible memory that I can see and smell and remember every detail! Maybe that will happen again...
Yet, at the same time, I don't feel like I am that person anymore. I heard this quote, and maybe its from Dawsons Creek... Ok I know it is, it goes something like this, "its like when you grow up, you just stop needing those people like you did, and its sad" that's not it exactly, but its the gist. I guess that's how life goes. Those people made you who you are, impacted you, changed you, helped you, you helped them. Life wouldn't have been bearable without them, but I guess over time we all just need something else out of friendships and relationships and we just need eachother less, thus not making what we had any less valuable, but maybe not as involved as it once was. Ok, that's prolly quite enough rambling for today. But more, as per usual... Later

Sunday November 30, 2003. So, that just might have been the quickest Thanksgiving break ever! It was such a relaxing time. It was weird, every other time coming back I have been inconsolable. However this time, I just calmly walked onto the plane. I think its because I have it so ingrained that coming back is only for 15 days then home for a WHOLE MONTH. It was so just, relaxing and refreshing. I didn't really hang out with my friends, other than Kate and Jen. Maybe in the past 3 months, the group of people that always chilled has really grown apart?!? I dono, its weird, bc the first time I went home, I was really annoyed by this phenomenon, but this time, I was somewhat relieved. Well, maybe relieved isn't the right word... But I seem to be in this odd stage of life right now. Its like I'm quite satisfied to be alone or with family and just kinda watching life. That seems so abnormal for a college kid, but its where I am you know?

The Rascal Flatts song "you" has been stuck in my head for days. "Every road that I've been down, The only truth that I have found, There's only one thing I can't live without...You.. I was searching for something I thought I would never find, Losing my mind. In and out of bad love, I thought I was born to lose, Then came you... I thought I knew what the real thing was but nothing shakes me like your love does. I've been hypnotized Now I realize " Whoa, what amazing lyrics! If you know me, you know I'm addicted to lyrics, and this is just a simple acapella tune that is just so sweet!

Home with my mom and dad was so great! And Jen, haha was there really a dude in the club house with us? Bc that totally freaked me out! What great times! and oh yes, YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN AT CHRISTMAS! haha, but you get to pratice on Boone right? Who should I pratice with... any volunteers?!? :) Kate, thanks for the Bible study in person and for continually keeping me responsible like that! Karen, I should also thank you for helping to make C of C a little less overwhelming! "yea you do" And to all my other friends who are getting through college along w/me, its amazing that we're here, crazy and scary, but amazing too! So, This is the weird, rambling, but hopefully not to meloncholy entry for today. But thats all til next time...

Tuesday November 25, 2003. It's about 9:30, and it's somewhat strange here in Charleston tonight. Everyone basically has left for Thanksgiving break. My flight is tomorrow morning, so, theres really no one to talk to. I thought that would be strange, but its kinda peaceful. Downtown is all decorated and decked out in Christmas decor, and theres like no one here. It kinda makes me want to get in the car and drive around to OHH and AHH at the lights, but alas, I'm all comfy and its only 54 degrees out. C of C isnt as horrible as I had once thought. I'm starting to find a groove and becoming more self-assured. I'm so excited to go home, but at the same time, I know when I get back, I'll just be homesick again. It almost makes me want to stay here and finish the 15 days I have left of classes/exams and then have like an even earlier Christmas break... if that makes any sense at all? Maybe it doesnt. Guess this is going to be a short entry, but have a great thanksgiving!

Monday 24 November 2003. (dated like that just for you Karen...). So, the message at BCM really seems to have struck me tonight. It came from Acts 9:1-19. Stephen talked about Ananias and about how he was "Forgotten but faithful." He made the point that God uses those who are available and willing. I rush and rush and want to be willing, but am I also making myself available to be used by Him? Another point was that God uses those w/out a title to do jobs that are vital. That means that you and I can do extraordinary things in our ordinary lives. There are ordinary people all around us who can be extraordinarily impacted by hearing the simple truth that we have. How much can they benefit from the message we have to offer? Finally, anyone's took a risk for the kingdom. He went to see Saul, a known persecutor of Christians, and took a giant leap of Faith, went and changed my life. Without Saul's conversion, he would have not preached to the Gentiles, and if he hadn't preached to the Gentiles, I would not know the saving grace of my Savior. I want to be braver for the kingdom, more trusting of Christs' sovereignty, have more faith... These are things that most Christians strive for, but I guess tonight, I just really struck me that in order to accomplish any of these tasks, I must first and foremost work on my personal relationship. I need more conversations with Him, more time with Him, more of Him in my life. That is such a struggle, to constantly need Jesus, but it should be the simplest... eh... but it's not. So, my prayer this week is just to spend a little more time everyday with Him. And Thank you to those of you who have been keeping me accountable. Those who have been praying for me for years, and those who are just now helping me draw closer to Him... Thank you so much!

Yet again, its Sunday 23 November 2003. Writing down my ideas seems like a simple way to rid my mind of the swirling vortex of thoughts that seems to keep me from ever achieving sleep. So, once again, I sit here pondering, which Karen says the world doesnt particurally like. But I never proclaimed to be one liked by the world. Therefore, I can be my pondering self and be fine with my place and that role, because its something I'm good at. So, as of today, theres a new major out there for college kids: PONDERER! I'm gonna get an A in that one. Does anyone know where this semester went? Because I really dont know. After Thanksgiving break, theres 2 weeks left to get all the knowledge of the semester jammed into my brain as well as buying Christmas presents for everyone. Gesh, what a daunting task. Well, Charleston is decked out in Christmas decor. It's been that way for a while now, what happened to the Thanksgiving decorations? And for that matter, where did fall go? Because I'm pretty sure we missed it here. No leaves changing or falling! However, it is cooler, only like 75 for a high, which is pretty sweet. So, life is getting better, and thats a HUGE thing. A little less dramatic and overwhelming. So, maybe thats enough rambling today. til next time...

Today, Sunday 23 November 2003. A good day, a relaxing day, a day of rest and pondering. So, today at church, as per expected, the message was about being Thankful, and not just thankful that a break from school is coming and not just thankful that we get to go home and be with family and actually eat real food. In Pastor Ken's sermon, one of the points was You can be thankful for the friends who help you. From 1 Peter 5:12-14. He used a few quotes that really were amazing "A friend is one who understands the silence" I want to thank one person in particular for being that person who understands my silence. The person who can just sit with me on a pier after Bible Study or go to the beach and just watch the waves. You prolly wont read this, but this week, when I see you, I must thank you properly. And "A friend comes in when the whole world goes out." This person, though I havent known you long, has been the one who came in when the world seemed to be closing, and I hope that I am becoming that person for you, at least in some small way, too. So, thank you for making this place a little brighter and a little better.

So its almost 6, and I'm thinking that this time in 3 days, I will have been home for hours! ROCK OUT! "Stein auf!" Ok, well thats enough for now, but I seem to be in a perpetual state of profound thought. So, til then...

Don't let someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. I've had this quote on my profile many times and it seems to be just as poingant now as ever. Dont let someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. The more I read it, the more I'm convicted. Thats exactly what I've done in a certain situation, and I think that seeing this again, has really resonated with me. I am not someones option. If you want me, then I should be a priority! So, today, I relinquish every tie that I had to you, everything that told me to keep trying is gone. We were friends once a long time ago, and maybe we'll be friends again. Life has a strange way of somehow always bringing us back together. So, I guess, I just needed to vent my frustration over whatever happened. Because I still dont know but apparently that is how its gonna be. So, until then...

I don't get many things right the first time, In fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls Brought me here. And I know that I am, I am, I am, The luckiest ~Ben Folds

So, this song, "the luckiest" by Ben Folds. It is one of those songs that seems to eminate itself in my life. I dont get many things right the first time, and I'm actually wrong a lot. But each wrong turn, has changed and grown me into who I am today. Without each mistake, I could be someone totally different. But, I dont dislike who I am now, so I guess that means that I cant regret my decisions. That is a very comforting thought... but not quite as comforting as the fact that I'M GOING HOME IN JUST UNDER 6 DAYS! AHH HOME SWEET HOME!

So, I think I've had a lot to say lately. Not quite sure why, but thats ok. So I was doing my devos today and came across a verse that seems to describe what I was trying to about how I used to be. Psalm 10:5-6 "His ways are always prosperous; he is haughty and your laws are far from him; he sneers at all his enemies. He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble." " I thought everything would be perfect forever. But as Psalm 9:1-2 says "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High" He has brought me through the fire, refined!

Thanksgiving is soon... home in 1 week! YES!!! That is like the best news ever. Home is an awesome time of refreshment. Time running w/dad, shopping w/mom, playing w/the dogs and hanging out w/friends that I only see occasionally and talk to continuously via IM. So yea for that time of revisiting the past! HOME SWEET HOME!

Borrowing this from Kristin:

I AM: wanting this semester to be over
I WANT: to undstand myself more

I HAVE: a cut on my foot!
I WISH: life was simplier

I HATE: how I always get to the elevator as its leaving my floor!
I MISS: my puppies, my family, my bed!

I FEAR: that i will lose this game of hide and seek.. and never find my husband if i am supposed to have one.. ok i know that is a silly answer... sorry ---> no, its a great answer Kristin... i'm using it!

I HEAR: cars rushing along the street below and the tv
I SEARCH: for truth

I WONDER: how i got here
I REGRET: how my decisions, though right at the time, somehow change to wrong

I ALWAYS: think about the past
I AM NOT: the best western civ student!

I DANCE: when alone
I SING: loudly in the car
I CRY: when emotions become too strong

I AM NOT ALWAYS: confident in things i should be
I WRITE: Poems, bc its easy to express my thoughts that way

I WIN: at tennis verses Katie kern
I LOSE: um? i dono

I CONFUSE: myself a lot
I NEED: more time at home

I SHOULD: be happier and trust God more
I FEEL: too many emotions at once

Just a little thought to add after Bible Study tonight:
"James reminds us that the process of undergoing trials and testing is a joyous privilege that can produce positive outcomes. Not only are trails inevitable, they are essential for building Christ-like character. God is at work in us. He will even use our clumsy mistakes, situational hardships, and personal weaknesses to produce maturity in us. He is out to make us more like Jesus! Let this EXPECTED OUTCOME determine your EXPECTANT OUTLOOK."
What a great thought by the author of the study of the book of James I'm doing. Guess I felt the need to share this in light of my last entry and my present status of "hard-learning-curve" (is that what it is Jen?) My pray for now is that God would continue to conform me to His will and change my caustic heart into one of overwhelming joy! Praise God for His continuance

Life seems to be nothing but a crazy roller coaster lately. During highschool, life was perfect. I had grades, sports, friends, money, and a life that I could control. I didnt need anything, from anyone. But since graduation, all that time ago (haha jk), my life seems to have become the antithesis of my former self. Classes are harder. sports are no longer I seem to be successful at, which is hard because I was defined by that! Friends come and go, and change with each day. And money... haha right! My life was mine, I faked the motions, I was my own god. That seems like such a strange thing to say, like it should be hard, but I guess when the truth stares you blatantly in the face, its not such a hard thing to admit. But while studying James with Kate the other night, I was struck by the simple verse that most of us know. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4. How many times have I read this and just let it fade away? For the past 2 years, I have been broken; a brokenness that has matured me and tested me. Though I dont know when it will be done, God has a plan and is working it out all in His own time. This world is dark and scary, though I used to think it safe and simple, but Jesus is holding out his light, and guiding me safely in!