too much trouble!!!!! ack :(

Sex and the City Quotes..

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Carrie: I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

Carrie: It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan.

Ponder

Hey,
so long discussions with Kate rock! Also, Amiga, I really wana come to Greece, so count me in! No changing, no qualms, no discussion... Let's do it! So, she's come to the conclusion that I'm terrified to let myself feel strongly! Maybe she's right. But why would that be? I think about him and get all butterflies in my stomach and at the same time he can make me so amazingly angry. But if it's true that I am scared, how do you get over that? How do you free yourself to just let go... And fall? Falling can potentially hurt, and I don't know if after the year my family has had if my heart is strong enough for that possibility. People are pairing off, but does that mean that I'm ready? Yes and no. Ready and terrified, is that something that goes together? I dono. [Also, as an aside (Kate, sorry for backing into your jeep! Why does that only happen when with you!?!?!?) haha thanks for being cool about it, and amazingly nothing showed on either of our cars. Yeah for the bumpers actually working! ] Ok, back to the real discussion. I'm of the opinion that no one reads this, which is fine, it means I can write and vent honestly. But if someone does happen to read this and has any advice on this subject... I would greatly appreciate it. Can't things just go simply at their own pace? Why must people always hint at the future, a future that I'm trying my hardest to avoid. Graduation and life and adulthood and all that ensues from that shakes me to the very core. So maybe essentially that is the problem. Maybe I'm not scared of him and what could potentially be there, but of the future... He seems ready for it and anticipating it, and me, well I'm pretending that it's not less than 4 months away! Ok there ya go. I psycho-analyzed myself.

Rascal Flatts

So, kate and I were listening to Rascal Flatts in the car tonight while looking at Christmas lights. So I went do download some, and came across this song and its beautiful...

"Head Over Heels"

Sitting here with you, you ask me why my tongus is tied
I've tried to make some since of all these things I feel inside
I've been searching for the perfect words to say
They've been said a thousand times but they mean more today

'Cause i'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling head over heels for you

So baby there it is I've let it go and now you know
It's funny how a feeling starts so small and starts to grow
I had every line rehearsed I'd say to you today
then you looked into my eyes and they just slipped away

'Cause i'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling, head over heels for you

Head over heels heart over mind, you've got me body and soul
I've never dreamed in a million years I'd lose complete control

I'm head over heels for you and all of the things you do
The heavens & earth have moved I'm falling head over heels for you
Head over heels for you, I'm falling head over heels for you
oooo ohh I'm falling mmmm I'm falling

Ok, so i've mentioned aaron a few times, and there he is. yup. ok, enough! haha

Christmas Eve

Ok, so great service tonight. Good to see old friends and get to have the Christmas eve service in a new way! Also, I'm cold. brrr. going to bed.

Thoughts of the day...

So today I was supposed to meet Aaron in VA... but things at home have been bad, so I didn't go. But maybe that was a blessing in disquise because Gumpy fell and I ended up spending the day in the ER with him. He is okay thankfully, and nothing is broken or bruised and there was no reason for his fall other than him being 91 and just falling. So yeah for him being okay. Also, my being there seemed to have helped things with my parentals. They seemed much less angry today, and even seemed okay! It was weird. Maybe thats how family is. They are the ones that you love and know will always be there, so you can just let your emotions go... Oh well. Also, while in the ER this man went running through and basically knocked me over, and then the hospital guards took after him. Apparently somehow he was a bad guy, so that's kinda strange.

On another note, I am starting to like The Postal Service and I blame Aaron for that! Ack. Also, I miss him a bit! haha phone calls are good, but just dont do the trick! ok, well enough about that.

Another note, it has been good seeing my friends from home. Katie and Katie and Jen and Kate... You guys are amazing! Manda, hopefully I'll see you soon! I even got to take Laura and her lil precious Mekinze to the mall to sit on santa's lap!!! AWWWWWW

Christmas Vacation 2005...

So here is what I have been doing.

1. Not going to classes.
   
2. Not doing homework
3. Not spending time in Addlestone!
4. Hanging out with my puppies
5. 5. Seeing some old friends!
   

All of these things have been wonderful! And I have enjoyed every moment

6. fighting with my mom... it's like i'm back in highschool and we're relating like we did then, which basically meant we fought. It really sucks. It's based on my attitude and that's true, but I am having a really hard time getting past it. Doesn't that sound horrible and conceited? Well it is! I think it stems from the fact that she is making it a huge deal that it's her first holiday season without my Nana. True it is, but it's also the family's first holiday time without Nana. Does she not get that? Yes, it's her mom that passed away, but you know what... Nana was a part of this family and her death has impacted everyone, not just my mom. That sounds even more horrible I know. But, it's how I feel. We're all supposed to make mom feel better, well you know what, I dont wana! Wow, that sounded like a 5 year old. I guess the point is that this is hard and strange for everyone, not just mom. And it's as if every moment is supposed to be about mom, and so instead of doing that, I have been well... not. So, if anyone has any suggestions as how to fix this... bc I cant tell her! No no that would make it 10 times worse, I would appreciate all input! thanks

"Come a little closer" dirks bently lyics

I LOVE LYRICS. has anyone noticed? well, if not... its true

come a little closer baby, I feel like layin you down
on a bed of sweet surrender where we can work it all out
there ain't nothin that love can't fix, girl it's right here at our finger tips
so come a little closer baby I feel like layin you down

some a little closer baby
I feel like lettin go of everything that stand between us & the love we used to know
I wanna touch you like a crimson rain & let it wash all your hurt away
so come a little closer baby I feel like lettin go

if there's still a chance then take my hand
and we'll steal away off into the night
until we make things right
the sun's gonna rise, on a better day

come a little closer baby I feel like strippin it down
back to the basics of ou and me and what makes the world go round
every inch of you accross my skin
I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
so come a little closer baby I feel like strippin it down

come a little closer baby just a little bit closer baby
come a little closer baby I feel like layin you down

"dance, dance" Fall out boy...

FALL OUT BOY LYRICS

"Dance, Dance"

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse" vs. "no one should ever feel like.."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance and these are the lives you'd love to lead

Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Dance, Dance Dance, Dance Dance, Dance Dance, Dance

exams...

so I just got out of my numerical methods exam. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ABOUT???? I Mean, I obviously didnt pass it. Nor did anyone else, from what I'm hearing. Why would the best teacher on campus do that to us? bleck

You're Beautiful...

These are lyrics to "you're beautiful" by James Blunt

My life is brilliant. My love is pure.
I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was, F-ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

These lyrics are really beautiful. Instead of calling this blog INTROSPECTIONS... It should be called "lyrics". something about lyrics are just so powerful. they get stuck in your mind and play themselves on repeat, at random. This song is beautiful and seems like a wonderful love song, which in a way it is. It's more like a song of longing. Loving her despite not knowing her. It could be seen as a lust song, because he never met her, only loved her from seeing her. Depends on if you believe in love at first sight or not?!?! Insane, this song just puts me in a contemplative mood. Wana put it on repeat, turn off the lights, light all the candles and sip a nice glass of wine... preferably white wine. Yeah, thats it!

Been a long time...

Hey, So not that I believe that anyone really reads this bc its not xanga, like everyone else has, but that's ok. I write purely as a way to expunge my brain of everything that keeps me from sleeping at night. Tomorrow is the last day of classes. 2 hours and 30 min (yes folks, 3 classes really adds up to only 2.5 hours of class!!!) and then its time to hit the books for a week solid. Tuesday we have a 303 study group and then I tutor. Been studying for that exam for 2 days now. Gotta get prepared for that one because the day before the exam is by baby's 22nd birthday! whoa, 22. Insane. That used to seem so far away. It's gonna be so nice when exams are over, yet so hard to sit and focus to study because all of mine are basically at the end of exams... Yes I have nothing to do til Friday. YIPPIE for having to force yourself to study when really I just wana be with Aaron or my friends. Also, when did that happen? Sometimes, I think about how we finally ended up together and it makes me laugh. Such drama before, yet none now. It's weird.

Today I went to church for the first time in a long time and it was good. Went back to Citadel Square. I remember when first going to ARBC and thinking that I shouldn't have been leaving Citadel Square. Well, folks, that just shows that if you go against God's plan... Your way isn't gonna be where He wants you! Also, Aaron mentioned that he wants us to go to the same church. We did until all the college people and the pastor left ARBC. The problem herein lies with the fact that I love traditional services with hymns and formality whereas he is much more of a contemporary worshipper. If anyone has suggestions here, bring them forth. Also, it was amazing to get back into the Word. I have been neglecting Christ lately. This is the philosophy from now on: "I have been tricked by the world. Today, Emmanuel is silencing the roar of the schemer!" That was my take on the sermon today. It was so great to be back there. Like home really.

Also, tomorrow is Renzy and Jennifer Busseys' last day of classes while in college. Granted they both will be at MUSC next semester, but doesn't that seem surreal?!?!? College, I swear it just started. Well not really, but I'm also not ready for the real world. Finally told my parents that I don't wana go to grad school right away because math is too hard of a major and it hurts my head. So surprisingly they were okay with that. So the plan is to look into private schools around Charleston and see if I can get a job. Can you picture it?!?! I real, 40 hour a week, 7-3 (bc its stupid school) type of job. Insane is what that is.

"Keep Singing" Mercy Me

So I know that I post a ton of music lyrics, but they are what really ring true to me at any given moment. I can relate to them and feel everything through them. This song is off the UNDONE cd by Mercy Me. Something about this song... it can be left on repeat and touch some cord deep inside... so here it is:

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

Break woes!

hey all,
so yeah, its great to be on break. but I'm finding that i'm missing my friends and my boyfriend. Yeah so thats the scoop. ok. bye

Thanksgiving.

Flew Home to Maryland today. It was crazy early, but luckily nan got outta bed before the sun to take me to the airport. Slept on the plane, grabbed the flyer and then the metro. On the metro I met a girl who's a senior math major in Vermont and we are both taking abstract algrebra, so we randomly talked about groups and stuff on the metro. hahaha weird. Home is good, a lil cold but good! My dogs are wonderful. Danced w/drew and he put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes! See, even my puppy knows what to do w/slow songs! haha Had coffee with Kate and then we walked around! Then had charthouse w/mom! Tomorrow afternoon I take the parents to the metro so they can catch the amtrak upto NYC! Good for them! Dad finally taught me how to use the fireplace... he had to teach me because its not real, its gas! But it sure is pretty!!! Also tomorrow I think I'm gonna chill in Kate's hottub... haha only I forgot my bathing suit, which she even reminded me to bring. Oops.

It's really weird. It's like this is home, but each time I come back there are less and less people here that I really want to be around and who I really know. There are old friends from high school, but really, I dont actually hang out with them. Kate, sometimes Katie, Katie Kern, Jen, Brittany and an occasional few others, and of course chase. It's as if life has finally moved on and Charleston is home. It is home, but also it's like home home. All the people my life revolves around, besides family, are there and life isnt the same when they aren't nearby! I love you guys! Ok, well, besides that, I am excited about driving the Z3 all week! haha, and my Josephine too, though she's running poorly and needs to be stretched! Well, hopefully after some extra driving (gotta get her some more gas first) she will get better! She's just running like she hasnt been driven enough and is sad about that. Also, is it weird that I personify my car? Only that car too, bc the 2003 civic is just my car, not my baby! Ok, well, Night world!

Heather Nova Song...

"Like Lovers Do"

There is a paradise that can be found
A better life to bring us round
And all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do

I want to take it easy, take it slow
To catch a fire and let it go
I wanna give myself to you
So we can live like lovers do

Like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
And I need to feel, I need to feel that way

I can hear you thinking what I feel
I know that what we've got is real
And all we need to get us through
Is just to live like lovers do

Just like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Yeah I need to feel, I need to feel that way
Like lovers do
Give me the strength
To give myself to you
Like lovers lovers do

Yeah all we really need to do
Is see the world like lovers do
Like lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Yeah like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Lovers do
I wanna feel that way
Like lovers do
They loose themselves for days
Yeah I need to feel, I need to feel that way

Like lovers do

Is school over yet? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of studying for hours and getting no where! It's horrible!

Here By Me... lyrics from 3 Doors Down

I hope you’re doing fine out without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to my Nana... crap. I cant do this. Today sucks. I dono how it can be made better. I've been trying to be strong for mom, bc it has to suck more for her but its aweful! I miss her and think about her all the time. And no, I dont wana talk about it, and I just wanted to go iceskating and have fun w/no stress. But no, not even that could be possible. So screw it. Maybe I am crazy, You all think it anyway. Some of you write on my facebook wall about how good of friends we are? But isnt that crap? I mean, isnt it fake? You only want to be friends when its convienent. You basically said you're gonna drop me and forget everything once we graduate and you go away. So why even invest my time in that? You were one of my favorites, but I cant handle that. It's not how I operate. Today wasnt even supposed to be about that. It was supposed to be fun, to take my mind from everything that hurts too much to be real today. But whatever, why go have fun when it's just easier not to? So, for now I'm done. Bye

unconfused. finally

katie...

talking to Katie Leek always Helps! she's so excited and decisive and well... awesome. I love having someone who knows you so well and yet always wants to have a good time! Thanks katie. No one has been able to be so helpful about this as you have!

Choices

Had a lot on the brain. Real stuff... not stuff like "what do I want for dinner". How do you decide something important? So here is the list that I have come up with:

Qualities That are Truly Important In a Relationship

1. Believer in the Truth!
2. Someone I can be myself around
3. A Gentleman- someone who opens the car door to let you in, offers his coat and knows how to treat a woman
4. Loves his family
5. Can just go out and have fun
6. Someone that can be real. Tell mew hen I'm being a pain and yet also be secure enough that I can tell him when he's a pain
7. Attraction- the desire to want to be with you & when with you... to be near you
8. Trust
9. Confident, yet not overly prideful
10. Someone who not only wants me, but wants me to search out Christ more & more

Ok, so that is the tenative list. Things that have been heavy on the brain. Consuming my thoughts.

Ponderings

Yes, when I Ponder, its usually not a good thing. But its 1030 on a Sat, and I just got home. Babysat and all my friends are already out. So here I am, talking to Chase and Aaron and drinking a Mikes... Therefore Pondering MUST occur, it is not optional. Judy asked me tonight if I've ever felt that I've been in love. I dono how to answer that. Yes and No. I've been mentally attracted to some and physically attracted to others. I've really wanted to be in the presence of some and honestly, when I really really like someone, I get so confused that everything just gets turned upside down. It's times like these when I wish Nana was alive to just talk and share her stories about dating tons of guys when she was dating my Gumpy and how she was proposed to like 8 times (one was the same time my Gump proposed. Crazy huh? Yeah. She was a playa back in the day! Weird to think of grandparents as playas... but i've come across some pretty darn interesting stuff from when she was my age! hahahaha GO NANA! Ok I give up. I'm done writing for now. going back to the reality that is real now

Untitled

For the longest time, it was my who wanted you. Then I started to move on, and you came back around. I started down that path once more, and yet again, you were the confused one. We danced in circles, around and around and around. Finally, you changed your mind and wanted me too. It was amazing. Together at last. Then it happened. It was like you wanted to be so serious, or you were so there that it scared me. Haha its like I'm the guy, the one who was scared off by it all. I dont have a clue how that happened, or why. But then we started arguing and that sucked. Because all I wanted to do was talk to you, but was scared that somehow it would lead you on more, which frightened me again. I get more mad at you than anyone I know. It's so weird. You make me so mad, then say the sweetest things that just make me smile all day, and want to tell my friends! Yet I want to be around you too! gesh. So that is my confusion! Confused about how that is possible and whether or not I'm ready for you! You and I decided that we compete and maybe we were doing that to make the other want to come back to get together. And the other day you said that when I'm nervous I just talk... for example on the beach... and no one knows that about me! They know I pace and stuff, but not that, so for you to have just picked that up, was crazy! Man, real life is hard huh? Sorry! So, we try to talk and say these things, but I suck at it, it has always gone better to write what I'm thinking down. So, its not confusion about whether or not I like you, but whether I'm ready for that... ready for you I guess. Ok. thats all the insights into my head you get today! Hopefully its enough

Working My Life Away...hey hey hey

Hey,
so today has been crazy. Woke up, went to basketball! Which, ps, is the best class ever. Then, came home, quick shower... then off to meet Jen. We finished our project, delivered it and it was...whoops.. 1.5 min too short. Oh well. Then I went to the library to type up our analysis. After that, July and I went to Stern before going to LaFortunes Differential Wave Analysis lecture, which I actually understood about nonlinear equations and needing two parts for PDE's (partial differential equations) in order to determine wave (up and down) and twist of a rope. Neato! I really am a math nerd! then class, then here in the math lab. Which, thank God... is empty. Then bcm, but I'm not gonna go. So i'm gonna go home and finish up my math 311 Homework. Then we're apparently gonna go out to Kickin Chicken or something. Ok, until next time

Exponging My Thoughts...

So, life here in Charleston has been crazy as of late. I am no less confused by my situation w/boys... Math is going better! Last weekend Leigh-Ann, Lindsay and I went to Walhalla, SC. That was a crazy time too. Friday... it took like 5-6 hours to make the 3 hour drive bc of traffic. Then we hung out w/Michael and oh gesh... at like 1am someone suggested swimming in the lake. Sat my car somehow made it UP and DOWN a mountain! It was amazing and Leigh-ann was like... "this looks like where deliverance was filmed" and lindsay was like "IT IS!!!" Then after that we went for a ride in the boat, in which Abby, the dog, decided to leave us. So we spent an hour or so looking for her. But we found her! Then we want to OCTOBERFEST! Fun times, fun times. Then, like all of lindsays friends came over and there was a par-tay! Sunday we drove back and got back in time for a nap and the amazing Jars of Clay concert!!!

Ok, now that youre caught up... here's what went down this weekend. Friday bcm had an outdoor showing of the Goonies. I totally wasnt paying attention. Jennifer, Leigh-Ann and I talked the whole time and I threw marshmellows (does that really surprise anyone!?!?!) Then after the movie we went to Folly! Yeah for lots of people at folly late at night. I loved it all! Saturday, I got woken up by linds to go to the BCM breakfast thingy, which was good. That night, Jennifer, Aaron and I went to Goose Creek to go on the Haunted Boat ride. The line was crazy, but jennifer and I got to dance! heck yes. Ok, well I dont really feel like writing anymore. So, catch ya later

"When Did You Fall" by Chris Rice

You’re all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it’s a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me? Was it out of the blue?
‘Cause I swear I never knew it.
When did you let your heart run free? Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me? When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let’s rewind
C’mon, let’s go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin’
Well I guess it don’t matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes You’re my beautiful surprise

Was it at the coffee shop?
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand?
Or the time we built the snowman?
The day at the beach, sandy and warm?
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm?
I never saw the signs. Now we’ve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you’re looking at me
I’d better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long? When did you fall in love?
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me? When did you fall in love?

Questionaire

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30 am
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Elizabethtown w/Chase!!!
4. What's your favorite TV show? Gilmore Girls
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? nothing
6. What's your favorite cuisine? Southern cooking
7. What foods do you dislike? peas
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? cheddar and sour cream
9. What's your favorite CD at the moment? Arriving by Chris Tomlin, or Time Well Wasted by Brad Paisley
10. What kind of car do you drive? 2003 Honda Civic when in Charleston and 1994 Honda Civic Hatchback when in MD
11. Favorite sandwich? chicken salad
12. What characteristics do you despise? unreal
13. Favorite item of clothing? long sleeved t shirts or simply t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, running shorts...
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation,where would you go? some beach... some where!
15. What color is your bathroom? Charleston- kinda gray, Maryland -pink (haha go figure)
16. Favorite brand of clothing? JCrew!!!
17. Where would you retire to? the South
18. Favorite time of the day? afternoonish
19. What was your most memorable birthday? 21! haha
20. Where were you born? Bremerton, WA
21. Favorite sport to watch? basketball and football
22. Who do you least expect to respond to this? its not an email, so who knows
23. Person you expect to send it back first? refer to 22.
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Dreft... its for babies, but its soooo good
25. Were you named after anyone? No
26. Do you wish on stars? no
27. When did you last cry? I thought about my Nana the other day
28. Do you like your handwriting? sometimes
29. Would you be friends with you? depends on my mood
30. Are you a daredevil? hahaha yes
31. Do looks matter? yes
32. How do you release anger? go sit at the battery and smoke w/Karen
33. Where is your second home? Charleston
34. What were your favorite toys as a child? remote control cars
35. What class in High School was totally useless? study hall
36. Do you use sarcasm a lot? always
37. Favorite movies? I have too many to even try to list them
38. What are your nicknames? Shock, Pop, Pop-stack, Ace... sweetie (aww karen)
39. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? sometimes
40. Do you think that you are strong? sometimes
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n cream or cookie dough.
42. What are your favorite colors?green
43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? lack of patience.
44. Who do you miss the most? dogs and Nana of course
45. Do you want everyone you sent this to send itback? refer to 22.
46. What color pants are you wearing? jeans
47. What are you listening to right now? actually, nothing
48. Last thing you ate? oreo brownie sundae!!!!
49. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? one of the BRIGHT ONES!
50. Last person you talked to on the phone? prolly my mom
51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? everything...
52. Favorite Drink? that electric lemonade was darn tasty
53. Do you wear contacts? no
54. Favorite Day of the Year? Christmas morning
55. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? both
56. Summer or winter? Summer beaches and Winter snows
57. Hugs OR Kisses? BOTH!!!
58. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? eh, lots
59. What Book(s) Are You Reading? The Long Fatal Love Chase by Louisa May Alcott
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? well its my parents comp, so it has a visa thing bc of my dad's job
61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? no tv last night, i was out w/chase!
62. Favorite Smells? vanilla
63. Rolling Stones or Beatles? BEATLES!
64. What's the furthest you've been from home? Cali, and Paris
65. What's your favorite thing to do? Chill!

Thats from Rach. I know its long and you prolly didnt read it, but thats cool

Back Where It Started

hey all,

So, its fall break! Last year, we went to Disney, but this year, its back to MD. Friday I went to the Ring Hop w/Aaron which was crazy fun. It was really special to have been a part of that, and as soon as pics are here they will be up for you all to see! We went through the ring, got our pics taken and there were sword-bearers! So cool! Very Military! Then took some carriage rides around campus and then danced for a few hours. Aaron, you and I are amazing dancers, no matter what anyone else says!!!! hahahahahaha Then bright and early sat AM, I came home. Drove Josephine, did errands w/Dad, shopped w/mom, had dinner out w/them and crashed. Today, had church at Mr. Derichinsky's (MR D's) church. He spoke on the Feast of the Tabernacles and how we need to do a better job at showing the Jews how their feasts all point to Jesus! That really hit hard because of how surrounded by people of the Jewish faith at school in Hebrew class. After church, we all chilled, and then went drier shopping, which my parents finally decided to get, you know, after the drier is so loud that it shakes the whole house!!! After months of trying to go to McGarvey's, Chase and I finally had a day picked out. But whoops, there was a boat show downtown, so no way to actually get there! But... we did go to Fridays and that was a blast even though our waitress forgot about us. After dinner and a few drinks, Chase got a huge Margarita that was crazy sour and I had an electric lemonade which was SO TASTY! Then we busted over to the theater to see Elizabethtown. Though, it was not like the previews said, it was good. and hahaha we bought children's tickets! Chase, you are always fun times! Enjoy that cd!
Mike Head let me listen to his iPod and he had the Arriving cd by Chris Tomlin and it is so worshipful. So I bought it, and cant get enough of it. It's full of scripture and just longing for the Lord. Do we long for Him or just cry out when we're in trouble? Father, let that not be the case! Let you be the one who is at the center of all!

BCM RETREAT

hey all,

Just wanted to post about the amazing time we all had this weekend. As a BCM group, we went to Garden City as per usual. I got to drive a ton of cadets but they were really cool. Jordan, Paulatoria, Josh and I all relaxed and hung out on the drive. We all stopped for dinner and randomly Michael R and his pals were there. When we got there we all bunked up, and yeah for having Renzy as my bunk-mate. We had amazing worship music and prayer time because poor ashley had a car accident on the way down. Saturday we all woke up, had breakfast and then had more worship and Peter talked about relationships.
Then we did group activities and more relationship talks. Actually after every discussion, we broke up into small groups and actually, it seemed as if no one stayed in their lil group. Before we left, that whole week I had just been asking the Lord to put someone in my life who was struggling with things that I understood or had been through and to put people there to connect with outside of my group. Well, darn if He doesnt work things out. In that small group there was Dawn, Angela and Jamie. And whoa, someone each wonderful woman was an answer to prayer. Even though the theme was relationships, we did it in such a new and exciting manner.
When it came time to talk about dating relationships we divided into groups of wither all guys or all girls (4 people to a group) and wrote questions that we wanted to ask the other gender but never had the chance to. Then while in our groups we got the questions from the opposite sex and answered them from our genders point of view. Then got back in the big group and gave our answers aloud and they could ask follow up questions and so on. So it was actually really informative and not at all the way I would have expected that talk to go. We went out and built sandcastles. Jordan, you were the most amazing scariel! He let us make him a mer-man! Then we all swam in the ocean with HUGE waves.
Later that night we got more free time and went to get icecream. On the way, I got yelled at for climbing the wood piling and Nan ripped her pants. haha. well, after icecream, Jordan, Nan, Lindsay, Whit, Audrey and I went to the arcade and guess what we found.. thats right... DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION! We played and were actually somewhat good! (yeah for it coming in the mail anyday!) After ddr, we all had girl talk on the rocking chairs and more bonding w/new people! Sunday was breakfast, and then home!
Not only was this an amazing retreat because we actually ALL bonded, but because it was so obvious that God was there and that we were meeting with Him personally, each and everyone of us. And even though the trip was fun and exciting, the point was to meet w/our Savior and grow in Him, which I hope everyone felt that they did!!!!!!

Stays in Mexico by Toby Keith

His name was Steve,Her name was Gina

"You've never been here before have you?"

They met at a bar called Cabo Wabo Cantena,

He was a insurance salesman from South Dakota,

She was a first grade school teacher Pheonix Arizona

"No, My first time here"

They started dancing and it got real hot,

Then it spilled over to the parking lot,

One more tequila then we're falling in love,

One more's never enough

CHORUS

Don't bite off more than you can chew,

There's things down here the devil himself wouldn't do,

Just remember when you let it all go,

What happens in Mexico... Stays in Mexico!!

He woke up in the morning and he made a little tellephone call,

To check on his wife and his kids back at home in Souix Falls,

SHe hopped right in the shower with a heavy heavy mind

"What am I doing?"

He knew it was the first time Geena had ever crossed that line,

They walked down to the beach and started drinking again,

Jumped into the ocean for a dirty swim,

One more margarita then we're falling in love,

One more's never enough

CHORUS

Oh Mexico, Waiting at the bar at the terminal gate,

She says 'Steve I gotta go, I'm going to miss my plane'

He said one more tequila before you climb on up,

She said one more's never enough

CHORUS

Stays in Mexico... Stays in Mexico... Stays in Mexico, Oh Mexico

Good Charlotte

The Truth - Good Charlotte

So here we are we are alone there's weight on your mind
and I wanna know the truth
if this is how you feel say it to me if this was ever real.

I want the truth from you give me the truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you give me the truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth.

So this is you your talking to me
and you found a million ways to let me down
so im not hurt when your not around I was blind
but now I see this is how you feel
say it to me if this was ever real.

I want the truth from you give me the truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you give me truth even if it hurts me.
I know this will break me I know that this might make me cry
gotta say whats on your mind, on your mind.
I know this will hurt me and break my heart and soul inside
I don’t wanna live this lie.

I want the truth from you give me truth even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you give me the truth even if it hurts
I don’t care no more no just give me the truth give me the truth
cuz I don’t care no more

give me the truth cuz I don’t care no more no!!!
just give me the truth give me the truth give me the truth give me the truth
give me the truth cuz I don’t care no more no.

She's Everything Lyrics

BRAD PAISLEY LYRICS

"She's Everything"

She's a yellow pair of running shoes, A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses, She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate, Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear, Now and then she's moody

She's a Saturn with a sunroof with her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land and a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation that I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad and she's a lover when she's loving

[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted and everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me

She's a Saturday out on the town and a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck and a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles.. Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine and she's feeling kinda tipsy

She's the giver I wish I could be and the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding when I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer and she's the song that I'm playing

[Repeat chorus]

She's the voice I love to hear someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one that I'd lay down my own life for

And she's everything I ever wanted and everything I need
She's everything to me Yeah she's everything to me

Everything I ever wanted and everything I need
She's everything to me

So this song is by Brad Paisely and I think it describes how I want to be loved one day. The girl is simple and loved for who she is. She wears her jeans, wants to go to the movies and can fight with you like none-other. But she is also the woman who holds your hand and will be there beside you. Ok, enough of that talk, just thought it was a pretty song that describes how I think love should be. If you get a chance... try to listen to it.

Confusion

So, everything is cool right? Slowly but surely getting on track, to where you want to be. Why do we all analyze everything to death? You get what you want, and then for who knows what reason, it goes awry. Hmm, wonderful times! Oh gesh!

What do you want...

First off... Is it possible to love CAPRI SUN too much? BC I think not! YUM!

Also, let's say that you know what you want but are too scared to reach out and grab it. It's obviously there but no one does anything. What do you do then? Just let it pass and fade away, or find that spot of courage and dive in, no matter what happens? This is my dilemma. Suggestions? Feel free to reply or IM me. They would be greatly appreciated. They say that great things only come because of great risk. Is this true? So, are those of us who are terrified of destroying something good in hopes of something better doomed to never get that something great? To let things be, or to take that chance... hmm difficult things to ponder huh? Ok, well its way past bed time. Night world

KatTricky: hesitation, caution, fear... those things prevent people from achieving greatness, trial and error... success is only found through failure... Maybe you are right Katie

Long Lost Journal

Hello, So I seem to have forgotten the blog lately. Poor Karen has been evacuated from her house for quite some time and therefore living in the SJ in my living room. So honestly the time normally devoted to filling you all in has been spent hanging out and having weird conversations w/her that force us to call boys to get honest answers. Life has been so busy lately. Work fri, a double sat, sunday, and tonight! So there has been no time for anything. But thats ok. Karen is leaving for Joe's wedding on Thursday, aww, people my age getting married. whoa.

Also, I ran into Patrice today. I havent really talked to her since I was a highschool senior and she the new freshman. Yet once again, we are in those roles! She apparently isnt loving COFC, so hopefully I can help her find her way here, or direct her to those who can at least until she decides whether to stay to transfer.

Also, why are boys confusing? If you have any answer for that, feel free to share it. Actually, not even just boys, but people. If they want something why cant they be direct? In all situations this is applicable. There was a survery done in my Hebrew class that says Americans try to be polite with their evasiveness (is not telling people they're wrong or not simply coming out and asking for something) but in reality, it just causes confusion. Ok thats all. thanks

More Chase Convo Fun

naptowner84: the girls on MY SUPER SWEET 16 have unnaturally large boobs for 16 year olds
naptowner84: i mean really
LandscaperTr: hahahahah
LandscaperTr: :-)
LandscaperTr: yeah I was at MD today getting books
LandscaperTr: I was like DAG ON!!
naptowner84: i saw the message
LandscaperTr: yeah girls are getting booby too young these days
LandscaperTr: I mean girls should get boobs at age 21
LandscaperTr: I mean HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY BOOP THERE THEY ARE
naptowner84: yeah they are totally getting boob jobs
LandscaperTr: I mean seriously
LandscaperTr: when I was 16 I dont remember the girls having double d;s or whatever they are
naptowner84: heck no.
naptowner84: most of my friends def didnt
LandscaperTr: I am learning more abt boobs tonight I swear :-)
LandscaperTr: thank you Christy for boob education
naptowner84: hahaha
LandscaperTr: i think that deserves some blog space too

Fun Convo With Chase!

LandscaperTr: I had the weirdest dream abt us last night
LandscaperTr: haha
naptowner84: yeah?
naptowner84: hahaha
naptowner84: that just might be a profile quote. haha
LandscaperTr: :-)
naptowner84: haha
LandscaperTr: I dont remember all the specifics I just remember you told me you had a huge crush on me and then the rest of it was you pursuing me. I think we both might have been a bit tipsy
LandscaperTr: :-)
LandscaperTr: It was a good dream though just weird
naptowner84: hahahaha that is an awesome dream
naptowner84: must be your way of saying you wish you had pursued me! haha
LandscaperTr: :-P
LandscaperTr: trust me you would have approved of this dream
LandscaperTr: I woke up and staired at the ceiling for like 10 mins
LandscaperTr: CRAZY

Good times Chase, I like that dream! haha You sure do keep things interesting!

Reality

Well... Being back at classes is good. Don't actually enjoy living so far from everyone and everything. I feel incredibly disconnected. Whatever. Augie said the greatest thing that perfectly describes everything right now: "that damned reality." It's like everything has gotten itself off track and I have absolutely no clue how to get it back. I want to be with my friends, but I can't connect. I want to just laugh and have fun, but its hard. And that is a very bad sign. I dont feel depressed, but whatever. It's like I feel shafted by life recently. Ever felt life-shafted? Its a sureal feeling. There's many things about Charleston life that I would change. Mainly, I bet that my old roommate Kelli is really fun outside of our living situation. I would go back to that time over Christmas when we actually got along, well! But she got it right in her away message:

"When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking bastard who made you sad. When you are scared, I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried, I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining. When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. And when you are lost, I will answer my cell phone and give you directions. When you are sick, I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath...I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because ya'll are my Best friends"... though this is not completely accurate, It is funny, and is how I think a lot of the time.

Maybe the problem is that I'm changing. Or changing from them. They say you wont be friends with all your college friends when you leave... and as far as I can count, I count 1 who will go the distance. One who will be there sitting and having a glass of wine when we are 50 talking about how our kids have left the houses! The first friend I met here! I love you! Ok enough rambling. Time to spend my time on something else

Realization

Hello... so for as long as I've known Karen she has been trying to tell me that life without clothes is much better than life with clothes. Well, Finally... after much experiementation... I believe that she is correct!

jetskiing fun!

So, I am back in Charleston and it's been sooooooo interesting. First, I got in late, and Karen got lost getting to the Airport and some random guy needed a ride home downtown, so we gave him one! weird! Then I saw karen's room which is all hers!!!!!!! Then Wednesday, Karen and I went to the beach! Yeah for Folly!!! Thursday, I was downstairs doing laundry and came back to find Nan had welcomed herself into my apartment. Then we hung out and went to Kickin' Chicken with Leigh-Ann, got Napolean Dynamite and chilled. Nan and I had a sleep over it was fun! Then today, Karen, LA, Nan and I went to Folly. Karen and I decided to Jetski. It was sooo much fun! Well, until we switched drivers the 2nd time. After a few min, I flew off, and so did she. I lost my fun glasses from NYC (at least they werent my oakleys but I did love them!) and hit incredible hard. Karen was yelling "are you ok?" and I said "I cant move." My ribs popped and it hurt to breathe. When we got in, LA and Karen were like "you should go to the ER" so after lots of prodding I went. It turns out that nothing is broken, but that I have a badly bruised lung. Which makes it impossible to get up from a lying down position! Lucky me. I came here early in order to help w/Dorm Move-In but I'm thinking thats not gonna happen now! But it's ok! And I'm not sorry we went jetskiing, its so much fun! Just karen, you get to sit in the back from now on! Hahaha. So thats been my fun and exciting time since being back! Hopefully things will calm down and get into a rythm for classes.... which start Tuesday. How weird it is to be a college senior! WHOA!

NEW YORK!

So, this was an amazingly fun week. Tuesday afternoon Aaron arrived in the Naptown. We went and chilled downtown and got lunch. Then Wednesday, we woke up early and drove to NYC! You all should of seen him trying to drive down 6th Ave. It was terrifying, but he did a great job. CONGRATS AARON! We went everywhere. Started off going to Central Park, and FAO Schwartz then we moved onto the Empire State Building. It actually have a wonderful view of the city. Oh and I got sunglasses from a street vender and we also got a hotdog and pretzel. After the Empire State Building, I actually flagged a taxi! We went to Ground Zero, and its really just a hole now but I have this amazing picture of where they put the rubble into a cross. After that we walked through China Town and ended up in South Battery which is right near the Brooklyn Bridge apparently. Aaron bartered with a kiosk guy for a cool blue phone cover. We had dinner in this lil diner place I guess and then braved the metro into Times Square. It was really fun to ride even though it was so crowded I basically had to hang onto Aaron not to get lost in the crowd. Times Square is so bright and shiny that its hard not to just keep your head up at all times. Lots of stores. We must have spent an hour in the music store. We got back to the car and drove back. Aaron, you did much better leaving the city. Less of the NC driving and more NYC driving skills! I was thoroughly impressed. Other than that we basically hung out and watched movies in my basement til friday when he went back to Rocky Mount and mom and I went back to NYC. Only we stayed in SOHO and shopped! I will try to get a pic of my amazing new green sneaks online! We ate in a small french restuarant and it was yummy. Went into PRADA and got taken back into the special room! It was so cool! The last night, we went to the rooftop bar on our hotel (rooftop bars are the greatest thing ever created) and we could see the whole city. I got this amazing drink, but it had mint in it and by the bottom of my drink I couldnt get a sip without a mouthful of mint. Well, this is prolly a long enough entry! Cya soon

I'll be seeing you

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces all day through

In that small café, the park across the way

The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the mornin' sun

And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

I'll find you in the mornin' sun

And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you

~Bing Crosby

Made My Day

Ok, so a few things made today great.

1. had another lunch w/Gumpy
2. Laura finally got back to me
3. I get to see Laura tonight!!!!
4. Finally straightening things out w/Leigh-Ann
5. Heard from Lindsay.
6. Nan's life is crazy. but boy is it fun to hear about!

Funeral Speech

So, as many of you know, my Nana passed away just over 2 weeks ago. I had to speak at the funeral and wanted to convey how much she meant to me, and how much I love and will miss her. While she was in that small room, the song Homesick by Mercy Me came on and I just spoke the words to her, and they seemed so fitting that I used them in my speech. They show how I will miss her, and long to be able to just be with her, but also how glad I am for her to be with her Savior now and though I trust Him, I dont fully understand His way:

Mercy Me - Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you!

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

In Christ, there are no goodbyes and in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now